Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

surely not......

he can't wait to get a drink for 1 hour once a month?????

Your husband is a pain in the arse and disrespectful of your work commitments. But I'd find a more private place to use and either set up a professional looking background, or blur it.

He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call

what the actual F? He hogs the spare room all the time but you can’t wfh in the kitchen for an hour undisturbed?! He sounds selfish and petty and obviously thinks his job is the priority over yours.

Op has bigger issues than her professionalism, absolutely.

The way you are participating in hearings is completely unacceptable; it doesn't matter that only your contributions can be heard (for the love of all that's holy please tell me you are not giving evidence under oath like this). If you are giving evidence, the presence of another person in the room unknown to the court, could invalidate the whole process.

I hope you get reported to the Court. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, show some respect for the institution in which you work and maybe consider ditching the lunatic conspiracy theorist who seems to share your disrespect for it.

So it sounds like you always use the kitchen. Id say this is not the best place for obvious reasons. Use another room and blur the background.

Once a month = always?

If I was doing something in the kitchen and asked my DH to not disturb me for an hour between 11 and 12, he’d manage that because he’s not a jerk!
when our WiFi plays up he’s has to use the dining table for teams meetings which is open plan to our kitchen. He closes the door and reopens it when he’s done.
There’s nothing that needs to be done so urgently in the kitchen that I can’t give him an hour for a meeting!

I was not giving evidence under oath.
This is the kind of comment which increases my anxiety. I have had heart palpitations all day from the stress of it all so thanks for your support!

It is not always, this year it has probably been on 4 occasions.

I’m really confused why you’re getting such a hard time. It’s not like the kitchen is off limits all day. It’s simply that your husband is so full of his own importance that he can’t wait to make a drink for a while. If he’s that bothered, stick a kettle in his room!

There’s no reason why he can’t wait until you get a break. There’s no breach of confidentiality if he’s the only other person in the house and if he just does what you’ve asked.

Why does he get to work from home and you can’t have the same convenience? If making life a little bit easier for you is less important than him getting an immediate cup of tea, I think you have bigger problems.

We have talked some more this evening and he admitted to being unreasonable. Hopefully it will be ok moving forward. I will not use the kitchen from now on and try and seek an alternative room in the house.

As I have said I will make alternative provisions moving forward. I take on board what you have said.

Yuck...the idea that someone who wrote this aggressive ridiculous nonsense has oversight of anyone's career is horrifying.

Did it make you feel better?

I work often in the kitchen and my DH would never walk in if he thought he was interrupting a call. He might hover by the door to see if I wave him In. This is one of those posts where the DH seems to be going out of his way to make his wife’s life difficult to point score. Not very nice.

I personally would be annoyed if I could not go into my kitchen because of your teams calls.
me and husband work from home and both in roles that require GDPR so we have ton work privately.
when we first started wfh after lockdown husband worked in the lounge which meant I couldn’t have a break from the room I was working in (kitchen is too cold) so we eventually set up offices for both of us. If you wfh it’s still your home so rooms that are shared should not be unable to be entered.

You'd be annoyed that you could not use your kitchen for ONE HOUR, ONCE PER MONTH?

Jeez.

I'm fascinated by how someone comes to be married to someone who thinks their perfectly normal job = satanism. Is this a new thing?

He sounds very unreasonable and awkward to boot! YANBU. Yes, it’s the family home but it’s home for both of you not just him!
Does he feel the kitchen is his domain- is he always following you around to make sure that he has full control of the whole house as well as the room that he uses as his office? I don’t like him. I hope, for your sake, that he has masses of good points to outweigh his self-centredness. Don’t let him wear you down x

You are clearly in an ugly abusive marriage with a prick.

OP, start educating yourself about abusive marriages and what controlling arseholes do to dismantle your character and cause you enormous stress.

You need support. Please reach out for it.

This is not a good man.

Why are so many of you married to such horrible men?

He does sound completely nuts - I wouldn’t be with anyone who was that whacky as to think courts were somehow satanic.

And I get that you can’t have a blurred background having also done court hearings from home.

Doing court hearings in a communal area of the house isn’t appropriate imo.

I’d go into a room where no one would be likely to come in and just hang something up over any pictures of the family etc

This

Sorry, he sounds like a total prick.