Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

Clearly you have bigger problems.
Married to a selfish, unreasonable, difficult, disrespectful twat.

His actions are deliberate.
This is not normal.

He clearly doesn't even like you, that he would behave like this.

Too often women accept this behaviour and don't examine it carefully and expose it for what it is.

The actions of a man who doesn't like nor respect you, and wants to make your life/work more difficult in any way he can.

He is not a partner.
You are not a team.
Wake up to that.

Your husband is being a twat and is belittling your role. Anyone can manage to stay out of the kitchen once a month for an hour and wouldn't mind. What with this and him thinking the Court is tied up with the freemasons or some other conspiracy bullshit (is he a feeman of the land type who doesn't believe in laws unless you agree to them), I would be questioning who he is and if this was who I wanted to be with i,e. if he is being disrespectful because he doesn't like the court system etc. You can not like something and not agree with it but still appreciate it is your wife's job and she needs you to give he an hour's peace.

That aside, I am surprised you aren't allowed backgrounds. We have Corporate ones and I am pretty sure they are allowed in the Civil Courts.

He gets to choose - he gives up the study to you once per month or he doesn’t use the kitchen for a two hour period once a month. It’s not hard and he is being unreasonable.

He sounds horrible, but equally the kitchen isn't an appropriate place for private calls.

The obvious solution is sharing the office and him leaving when you have a confidential call.

I WFH and have a kettle in my study with access to water in the en-suite across the hall. Could he do that? That means he doesn’t have to come all the way down three flight of stairs.

OK......didn't see that.

Tell him that as he can’t cope without coffee for an hour, you’ll swap on that one day a month, and you’ll take his office and he can use the kitchen, where he can oil the kettle to his heart’s content.

If he refuses, find out when his most important meetings are, and make sure you barge in mind-meeting, walk about in front of the camera and make a lot of noise. .

Might make him finally understand.

For an hour once a month? 🤨

But I bet he is happy for you to put the washing on and prep dinner whilst you are WFH.

Next time, book the office and leave him a list of chores to get done whilst you are out. Don’t forget you want your dinner on the table after your long commute home!

It's for one hour a month.

DH hogs the study, she isn't allowed to use it.

DH walks in when she isn't in the kitchen.

DH thinks the courts (her job) are run by the Freemasons.

Read all the OP's posts. DH is a dick.

Your home isn't appropriate for the work you're doing.

Once a month for an hour?! You aren’t being unreasonable at all, your DH is being ridiculous.

Agree.

You need to work in a different area, door closed headphones on.

Completely inappropriate.

For a court hearing? If its court hearings then most of them are open to the public.

If its a confidential discussion about a case with a judge or a case closed to the public then the DH can either keep out of the kitchen for one hour a month or swap rooms with her for one hour or month. Since he enters when she is on the call from other rooms (neither his precious study or the kitchen) he is just being a dick.

For about an hour once a month. It’s not like the kitchen is out of bounds for 8 hours a day Monday to Friday.

I was so confused when I read the title. I thought you were working as an undertaker from home and I thought “no wonder dh isn’t happy!”

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone with this mindset.

Does he have a thing for conspiracy theories by any chance?

I represented at tribunals from my kitchen, so not very different from a court hearing.

I sat at the end of the kitchen table so there was a plain wall behind me, and always told Mr L, who was also WFH, the start time so that he would know to be quiet if he came into the kitchen. He used to come in and make a drink, but do it very quietly. It was absolutely fine, and your husband is being a dick.

What was more of a problem was the dog barking. Many a judge had a chuckle at that!

Are there not confidentiality issues, doing court work in a non-confidential environment!

Your home is not set up for the work you need to do.

It really isn't OK to command the kitchen in a shared space,

But he was being a dick.

Work from a suitable space - your work premises.

Several people have said this - court hearings are usually public.

About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room.

10 minutes later there is a short break.

One a month if that for an hour or so.

Except it’s not for an hour or so is it? You’d already been on the call for an hour before there was a short break and in my experience, there usually aren’t breaks unless you’re set to continue for a fair amount of time afterwards - hence needing a break.

To all those you are saying I am breaking confidentiality he can’t actually hear anything as I am wearing a headset. He could hear me talking but a lot of the time it isn’t actually me talking other people are which he can’t hear. He
The forthcoming hearings I need to attend are actually all in person luckily so that isn’t a problem.
Any that come up in the future I will book a meeting room at the office in plenty of time. The whole station is causing me too much anxiety. I have also been ill this past week with a uti which hasn’t cleared up by antibiotics so awaiting urine test results so feeling pretty low and generally like crap.

I had to do a Teams meeting involving a court case with my mum; a nurse called me saying care staff had hit her, I was trying to get her moved, don't need to go into all the details but my point was it was traumatic and I didn't feel some of the staff were concentrating, and it's awful to think their partners/kids might have been listening because they were in a kitchen!
I'm not anti wfh, but workers should be in a private space, or else come into an office if they have no room that can be made private, and ideally locked so no family can go in accidentally.

I actually think your husband is massively disrespectful about you, your time and your work.

This is bigger than him wanting a drink because he wants a drink. This is him jeopardising your professionalism in your career and potentially the justice process.

You wouldn't dream of going into his workspace and he can work in the safety and reassurance he won't be disturbed. But not only can he not afford you the same courtesy, he doubled down and may actually deliberately interrupt you to make a point. That's going to leave you on edge when working from home and will impact your focus.

You have a DH problem. When the door to the room I'm working in is closed my DC and DH know not to disturb me. They slide notes under the door which is effective in my case. If DC can understand professional work boundaries so can a grown man.

If you (anyone) can't work from home without cats walking on your keyboard during a call, dogs barking, family members walking past, making drinks etc, kids fighting and crying, holding everyone up while you answer the doorbell etc then you need to be in the office.

IMO

But OP, your DH was being a dick, and swinging his dick. And I am sorry you are ill and worn down.