Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Your DH is being a bit U as it is so rare that you whf, but also the kitchen is a very key room to block off for any length of time. Going into the office sounds like a good plan, or rearranging another room to give yourself a better background.

Your DH is being deliberately disruptive. By all means let him ruin the convenience of wfh for you, but your going into the office still won't make him less of a twat.

This is so unreasonable it must be the person who isn't allowed on the kitchen describing it, as you can't expect to use a family room like living room or kitchen, especially kitchen, and expect people to stay out. They might want a drink, or food, or whatever really. Use a digital background or pin a sheet to a wall if you need a blank background?

I am a genuine poster who is the unreasonable person not letting their husband in the kitchen, not the other way around. Happy to admit fault. It isn’t something which is sustainable moving forward.
I feel that I have to pretend not to work and have a job but still work if you know what I mean.
I have been working at home more for my own convenience really but realise I will attend the office more now as people have suggested.

What are you using? I work for the MOJ and use the standard background when using CVP for online hearings. It looks like I am in court and people can come and go behind me as much as they like.

You have much bigger problems than your home working setup!

Are there not court rules about privacy for remote access?

You're suggesting installing a bolt on the door to physically exclude him for 1 hour a month? Rather than him being dependable enough to not disturb when requested, or back out quickly if he realises he has? I think if you can't get an hour's privacy from your partner by using a verbal request and have to resort to changing household fittings to fend him off, that's a problem. What next, CCTV to check he hasn't got a glass against the wall? Surely "I'm on a confidential call for the next hour" should be enough to guarantee privacy if he has any respect.

Just go in another room? You have a four storey town house! Lounge, another bedroom etc. Get a small table and set it up somewhere against a plain background if you really can't use filters or blur the background.

He's sounds like a dick in other ways but I do think it's unreasonable to not allow anyone in the kitchen during work calls especially when you don't know how long the call takes - how was he supposed to know you had a break in 10mins, for all he knew your call was 2-3 hours long. If he'd come in 5 mins before the end of a known 1 hour call I'd call that unreasonable.

CVP does allow blurred/blank backgrounds…. I use them on a regular basis

He sounds vile. Once a month for an hour and sabotages other meetings too in other areas of the house. Is he insecure about the work you do? Feeling inadequate?

It's awful behaviour, sorry OP

It’s less about the background than the lack of respect about allowing me to have the time. I would do so if it was the other way around. I never even go into the bedroom if he has the door shut let alone when he is on a work call in his office.

Calm
OP says he does this when she works from other rooms

Satanic stone masons? Your DH needs help. You need a room of your own!

So he’s an arsehole who expects the best because he earns more than you and he’s trying to sabotage your work too. Why are you with this charmer?

Do you mean the Masons? Not satanic, just a mutual back scratching society that's been around about 1000 years.

Literally any other room in the house other than the kitchen (or bathroom!) would be good. Let your DH know you will be in whichever room and not to come in until you are done. If he does, then you know he is being deliberately dickish.

Using the kitchen isn't ideal but it's not the problem here - your DH's actions are worrying. At best they indicate a lack of respect for you, at worst they are controlling and a calculated attempt to hinder your work prospects and keep you in your place.

How is the rest of your relationship?

I think that is your main problem here OP.

I mean, he is a grown up and can surely not use the kitchen for an hour or so once a month. His behavior is quite aggressive in my opinion.

Aggressive because he is deliberately disrupting you in your professional setting. Again, if it is an hour or so from time to time, basic relationship generoisty should facilitate this.

You could be petty and walk into his office to "look for something" when he is on a call. It does seem petty but sometimes, some people can only lear that way.

Agree I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg

Just set a background filter or blur your background.

(I suspect this answer will be like "Cancel the cheque")

Your husband is an egotistical prick who suffers from main character syndrome.

Once a month for one hour yanbu to bar access if you genuinely don't block off the space at other times. Although equally it seems more appropriate to work from your office for such a confidential call.

Wfh in communal spaces is intrusive though when it's a regular occurrence

I think him coming into the kitchen is the least of your worries. He sounds like a nightmare.

So why are you in the kitchen then?

Jesus you could’ve been in bother with the bloody Judge for that! Wow