Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

Is it possible to mute yourself whilst he is in the kitchen? Otherwise YABU you would have to choose another room or book a room in advance at the office if you know the date.

If it is four storeys surely you must have a room that you can make these calls from? A communal room is not suitable.

And yes, your husband is a pompous, self entitled arse.

It's a kitchen not an office, you're being ridiculous. Just buy a cheap room divider and put that behind you if you really can't use a filter (you can...). For someone with what sounds like a reasonably responsible job, I can't really understand why you couldn't have worked that out for yourself tbh.

Your set up is not great. Presumably you should be somewhere that guarantees confidentiality, not a kitchen!

Most people would be pissed off if their husband was telling them to stay away from the kitchen.

Find another room.

That said OP, if your husband doesn't let you take turn with the office in the office, he's BU too. He can't claim all the available rooms in the house. It's not difficult to create a blank background behind you

So, for an hour a month at most (God, how many times have I said that?!) he can just refrain from coming into the kitchen!
And he's made a point of doing it even when she was working at her usual desk. What was his excuse then?
If she permanently, 9–5 Monday to Friday, worked in the kitchen, and he could never get in to go to the fridge or boil the kettle, it'd be different, but in this case it's blindingly obviously a control/dominance thing.

This.

I don't think people are consenting to their confidential information being overhead by your husband. This is probably a GDPR breach?

In which case you have bigger problems. He's sabotaging you and letting you know who's in charge.

The kitchen is the hub of the house

It's an hour, once a month, at most.
I really want someone to explain to me why this is the major infringement on his comfort/human rights that people are making it out to be.

You may mean freemasons...........

I also have meetings that require privacy and confidentiality. You take them in a quiet, private room, not your kitchen. Blur your background or put up a neutral background. That’s what all the rest of us do.

It would be annoying if Dh traipsed on through, yes. But it would be inappropriate for me to be taking meetings with my clients about private matters in a public space that my family members could walk in on.

You need to unpick what your DHs issue is - if this is only occasionally that you need to do this, then he has to respect that. Alternatively, he gives up his space for you to use when you have to have these calls.
I would also ensure if you have to work in the kitchen, he with has to have a kettle etc in his office space or he takes a hot mug/flask with him so he doesn't need to disturb you.
He isn't valuing you or your work. Is this part of a bigger issue!?
Do not let it go.
My DH works from home, but fortunately in a completely private space (sometimes court related work, so I get that side). I will take him a drink at times but will leave it by the door, if it's not appropriate to go in!

Honestly, OP, the more you post, the more of an arse your (not D)H sounds.

'Satanic rituals'? Seriously?!

You wfh approx once a month, for an hour or so, and he can't do you the courtesy of making a drink before you start or waiting until afterwards?
If he was a dog he'd come in and pee on the floor.

And you're wfh for YOUR convenience! You would think he could put up with a minor inconvenience to give you a day off from commuting.

But oh no, HE'S Billy Big Balls the main money earner so he has to have his every desire catered to IMMEDIATELY.

What a pri*k.

Then he's a dickhead. Probably a misogynistic one. I also bet the interruptions are deliberate to make a point that he doesn't respect you or your job. Have a think about whether there are other ways this comes out. Then stick up for yourself and don't let him get away with that shit.

(Also, if you are part time due to kids, start planning a return to FT and having an independent income as these types of men don't improve with age).

You need to get a background that doesn’t show what’s behind you, work somewhere else quiet in the house if you can and buy some specific headphones for this purpose which will mean people can’t hear background noise. It will just be more professional for you, he needs to not do what he did too. He should have waited etc but guess him not means something needs to change .

I think you are being unreasonable. The kitchen t family space. Get a corporate background or use another room.

If it's a four storey house there must be somewhere else you can work.
I don't think you should be taking confidential calls relating to court in a communal room in the house and I don't think he should be barred from using the kitchen.
That said, he sounds like a bit of an asshole (would it have killed him to not use the kitchen for an hour?) and he's batshit talking about "satanic rituals".

Because of the confidential nature of these calls you should use another room (and install a bolt or hook on the inside of the door so he can't enter) or you should book a room at work and if it's an issue that rooms aren't available you need to discuss that with your manager.

He's trying to sabotage you, OP, and tbh he comes across as a first class knob.

Are you happy with him generally?

Your husband is an inconsiderate selfish fool

You don't even need to install a bolt, you can get a portable lock that will stop him coming into another room. They are available for about a fiver on Amazon and probably other places I haven't looked. This is what I'd do for my own sanity.

Yep. It seems to me to possibly be a bit of coercive control. I'm not sure, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's really not a kind thing to be doing.

I don't think its a good idea to use a communal room for work meetings. Your husband is a dick but I can sort of see his point. I would buy a screen and use one of the other rooms. To prevent people gatecrashing your meetings also buy one of those little gadgets from Amazon that enables you to lock the door from the inside. That will stop his childish antics.

She's corrected herself

Im in a similar role op, he is being an utter dick. Disrespectful to your role, also to the confidentiality of what is gojng on in court. How would he like it if he happened to need to be in court and he could see someones partner in the background doing nonsense

I can sort of see his point.
Really? For the amount of time she asks him not to use the room?