Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

The OP says, 'I work in the kitchen as it is a plain background and no one can walk behind me'

I think you are being unreasonable. Find a room that is not a shared family room and use a background filter.

Buy a pop-up screen to put behind you for 40 quid. Then you can go anywhere in the house.

Especially if this is a regular occurrence and the calls are lengthy.
It's about an hour once a month.

I was going to say YABU because it really is a pain in the arse when somebody is working in the kitchen and you can't use it normally, but if it's an hour a month and he has his own office AND walks into meetings wherever you go he is being an absolute bellend about this.

You need a proper conversation about it and he needs to hear what a twat he's being. The answer is probably not putting the kitchen out of use but something like you getting the office when you need it. If he won't listen you just need to ltb because you are allowed to have a job and use what you need to do it and he is sabotaging you. Whoever is the main earner or whoever is woman/man before people wang on about 'reversing the genders' as usual.

Have you asked him what solution he would like? You are entitled to work from home and have an uninterrupted space for important calls. Ask him where that should be that inconveniences him the least.

tbh the kitchen is inconvenient, but he does sound like a prat interrupting you in purpose.

You can pick up room screens on Amazon for under £50 so you could go into any room and have a neutral background.

Also tape a sign to the door of you have a call in progress, saying no entry! But not the kitchen

Ok so this is different as it seems he will interrupt not matter what but the kitchen is unreasonable. Pick a room he has no reason to enter and set ground rules.

The kitchen is unreasonable another room is not.

My exDH used to do this. I had to use the kitchen (there was literally no other space for various reasons) and it was just a one hour meeting once a week at the same time every week. I used to ask him to please make sure he was out of the kitchen a few minutes before, but every single time he would be getting food, wandering around, making a drink etc up to the very last minute. I found it so stressful, and would never have done that if it was the other way round! It was definitely a power/ control thing with him though, I knew he was thinking "It's my house, I'm not going to be told what to do".

Next time he is on a work call burst through the door with the hoover.

Sounds like you have a tw_t for a husband.

It's not about walking behind, it's hearing what's being said in court. And not just what the OP is saying but the rest of the court proceedings. And if he's in the kitchen he can hear.
And from what the OP has said I wouldn't put it past him to deliberately interrupt which would be heard in court.

Both of you are being a bit unreasonable. The kitchen isn't really a good room to be using but if you tell him I need to be on a call at x time he needs to respect that. Ideally you find a different room but he absolutely needs to not interrupt.

If this is a confidential hearing you need to be a non-shared space that wont be entered by others. If you need to obscure the family belonging behind you use an electronic filter or physical screen. A physical screen could be a large whiteboard, a projector pull down screen or similar.
You can't engage in confidential hearings in potentially shared spaces.

This! And if that doesn't work, maybe he needs one of those little coffee pod machines and a snack basket in his study.

Something like this could work in a room people wont enter.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dividers-Standing-Partition-Separator-Restaurant/dp/B0DRK4J7KD/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=285OC4SU2R9TJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PFVLLeCYHAPqaxu50ncY_UzmGzG36tkrGUNA9pjgJkSOpkMY3XOinzgIxyXF5YUxphTnTdc4XLHWOmzr4cCsw3KYnFWyuz1aGPPhX_3O79jCfGF9asBw2vItsPzSuBAgJHIQNd7N-ooaRxDECZN4YjoLyc5Q4MNOTq9Kz5_-LYlBi5M3zQNiJjXA2iYSzi77jAnPbDpbE1nzhti7C0KeiQ.NKVxPg4sRLrB3RpolFOxWf1_nucyLovK_jfOv-H2YMc&dib_tag=se&keywords=office+screen&qid=1790251301&sprefix=office+sc%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-4

Do you mean Freemasons? 😂

I think you've got bigger problems in your relationship than you working in the kitchen.

I was replying to a poster who didn't seem to have read the OP's posts properly; they said, 'this would be a huge data breach, if he can walk behind you he can hear what's being discussed', when she's said he CAN'T walk behind her.

Yes, I agree about confidentiality and him hearing what's being said in court/possibly deliberately interrupting. That's easily managed by him accepting that she is using a room for an hour and not coming in, though. Which doesn't seem like a big ask to me. But then I'm not on a power/control trip like he seems to be.

Wtf. No, he's absolutely ooo. That is a deliberate act on his part. He's showing you that you and your work don't matter that much.
Disrespectful Dick

Working in the kitchen is far from ideal and you should make a better space elsewhere

He sounds rude and dismissive, but i think practical alternatives (maybe using a physical screen) are a better option than using the kitchen. While i understand his issue, it doesnt sound like he communicates in a kind or constructive manner.

Ypu need a private space for this. The kitchen is the hub of the house

blur out your background

He sounds an absolute dickhead if you ask me! I’d be considering my options

But he is coming in to the room, so hearing and she said he has done it before when she was working at her usual desk, walked behind her. Given the nature of the work she shouldn't be being overheard or overlooked by anyone outside of the professional remit especially someone not vetted

Does it really matter? He can’t walk behind you so what difference does it make unless he was making a massive racket? I wfh and sometimes it’s unavoidable people will need to come into where I’m working, if it’s something that I absolutely can’t have background disturbance on I’ll say to them but otherwise I have a background on and just get on with it.

I think YABU and you need to rig up a corner of another room with a relatively blank background (like a sheet pinned on a wardrobe or a tasteful bookcase) in a bedroom or something for that 1 hour. Use a folding table if necessary. If you have a 4 storey house surely there is a private space of some sort.

On the other hand he sounds like a lunatic conspiracy theorist so there might be bigger issues in play. If you move into another room and he keeps disturbing you then I guess at least that will be proof that there’s an ulterior motive.