Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

I don’t think I could be arsed to stay married to a man who likes conspiracy theories and has Very Important Coffee Requirements that oddly mean he MUST interrupt your work, but assuming that you’ve correctly judged that life’s too short to divorce a twat, talk to your manager about finding an available office space. Because frankly I would be aiming to spend as much time out of the house as possible.

@ThisTealWarrior

YABVU to hog the kitchen like this. Do it in the bedroom or something, surely there's a blank wall in there? Using the kitchen is ridiculous.

If it was a man 'working from home' and hogging a family room like this, the consensus would be 'make him use one of the bedrooms OP, or the garage! You are entitled to be free to use your living space in your own home!'

I would not tolerate my DH using the kitchen as a workplace, and I wouldn't expect him to tolerate me doing it. Absolutely ludicrous that anyone thinks this is OK. (Although, according to the poll result, two-thirds of people seem to agree that YABU!)

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Bloody hell can he not keep out of the kitchen for an hour or so a month? I’d be really cross at him. Why does he get the spare room to himself while you have to sit somewhere else anyway?
He’s being obstructive.
I WFH and take calls and have meetings and my other half would never do this to me because he wants my life to go smoothly as do I for him.
Your husband is being disrespectful and a bit of a prick.

Your husband is an inconsiderate arse.

but your income contributes right? I’m assuming your family need it and couldn’t do without it?

he’s an arsehole who wants your financial contribution but clearly wants to sabotage you making it.
Why is that?

so while I agree that the kitchen isn’t ideal. It wouldn’t have killed him to wait for a cuppa

Then you have much bigger problems tbh

What an a-hole your DH is!

I work from home permanently and DH is retired so here most of the time. I do have the box room converted into an office (as it's only the two of us here).

Strangely we have mutual respect for each other. If DH can hear I'm on a call he
won't disturb me and I would do (or would have) done exactly the same for him.

Why is that so far fetched for your DH and others on this thread to think otherwise? Bizarre!

Stone masons?!

I meant Freemasons.

Sit in another room. Put some string or a length of washing line from two fixed points (like book case, shelf, window frame) and hang a plain sheet from it as your background. It’s not very nice that other people cannot use a kitchen because of your work.

He's a twat

It sounds most unprofessional to be working at home at all in your case, the ability to do so is just not appropriate in many jobs.

TBF you are working from the kitchen, the most important room in the house where all of the food and drink is kept, and he is working from a spare room upstairs where nobody is ever really going to need to come in to get anything - you can't compare the two. Cordoning off the kitchen is really inconvenient for other members of the household.

I'm sure he wasn't dangerously dehydrated/under-caffeinated and could have waited ten minutes. He's throwing his weight around/letting you know he's boss. His behaviour is despicable.
You're hardly 'monopolising' or 'hogging' the kitchen and all the other things people on here are accusing you of; it's once a month for an hour or so at most!
Going into the office or booking a workspace for an hour is not a proportionate way to deal with it. If you feel you can have a sensible discussion with him about it, maybe suggest that you let him know as far in advance as possible when your next one will be and for how long. Then he can organise around it.
The Masons stuff, I don't even really know where to start.

Does your DH really believe the nonsense about the courts being in league with the Freemasons Op, or is it just a way to denigrate your job?

I work in criminal justice and this would be a huge data breach, if he can walk behind you he can hear what's being discussed and he shouldn't, you need to make suitable arrangements that involve you working in a private room with a closed door, not a kitchen or living space accessible to others

I worked from home for 16 years before I retired.

My office was the smallest bedroom upstairs which used to be my daughter's nursery.

I had a two way lock put on the door so nobody could wander in and I also used to lock the door when I finished in the evening keeping all client information private and confidential.

Are these courts of some part of the UK? Because all of the courts in which I appear require that you be in a private place with no other person present on video hearing. Even if this weren't the rule it is hugely disrespectful to the court to have somebody wandering in and out.

That being said you can't ban your husband from the kitchen. Both for your own professionalism and for the sake of family harmony, you need to have a dedicated space to work, and/or go to your office (if you have one) to do hearings.

That being said I am not sure how you can maintain your professionalism in a court and your respect for a husband who holds such beliefs. Are you, perhaps, not a solicitor or barrister but some form of unqualified "advocate" or McKenzie friend"?

Completely disagree with previous posters. Unless I've misread, it's about an hour or so, once a month or less. Are we seriously suggesting he can't be organised enough to avoid the kitchen for one hour at monthly intervals?
OP, if you want a practical solution, massage his ego and take him a cuppa and some biscuits immediately before the meeting starts. Alternatively, tell him to stop being a tool.

well I suggest the next court hearing he is involved with is his own divorce.

thats unreasonable behaviour and a total lack of respect for you. Why are you putting up with him?

So he’s doing it on purpose and not using the breaks

he sounds like he’s being a twat OP!

When dh works from home and has an important meeting I sit in the bedroom with the dogs so they don’t bark. I do that because his job pays the bills and I am a grown adult who can sit in a bedroom and not go downstairs for an hour.
The op’s husband is deliberately sabotaging her for whatever reason when they should be working as a team.

If a woman posted that her DH was WFH in the kitchen and she was therefore banned she would be told he was being an arsehole. That said, this isn't by any means every day and it's not for long. So this time he's the arse. Playing the big man to your little woman with your little job. Total lack of respect.
However - speaking as another court user - you should be in a completely private room, alone and uninterrupted on court business. Can you find a way to modify another room and - drastic but - put a lock or bolt on the door? He can argue, and from what you've said does, that he should be able to make a drink. If you are somewhere he has no reason to be he can't.

Calm down. It's 1 hour a month, am sure even the perpetual snackers can stay out of their kitchen for 1 hour per month.
Sounds like sabotage to me.

I understand the issue. Both DH and I work from home full time and spend the majority of our respective workdays on video calls. We don’t have the luxury of 2 private offices.

However… I don’t think it’s reasonable to ban your partner from the kitchen so you can do work calls from there. Especially if this is a regular occurrence and the calls are lengthy. You should set up a desk somewhere else in the house. If the background is a problem, position your desk so your back is to the wall and and clear/cover the wall behind you as required.