AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

[Fawncard]

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

It’s not even that she is delusional, is it? She’s just playing on her own terms, and he is trying to stop that.

He needs to back off and let her explore.

If she was asking for help, that’s different. But she doesn’t want it!

It would annoy me too.

“Silly daddy, you have told him you don’t want help!” Repeat repeat repeat.

Yes, he's being a twat.

How were his parents with him? Stuff like this I think is often patterns replaying themselves over generations.

His dad was exactly the same extremely negative towards anything he did. DH holds a lot of resentment over it but refuses to see history repeating itself

Thought exactly the same thing he has a very old fashioned style of parenting which is not particularly kind and can be quite damaging.

My mates husband was like this. Told my goddaughter fairies don’t exist when she was three and we were fairy hunting in the woods.

Man, I judged him for squashing her enthusiasm and imagination. Your husband is being a dick.

Oh God, that’s horrible of him. Your poor daughter. Please keep challenging him on this, because it’s so damaging to a small child’s psyche to be subjected to this all the time.

I’m sorry I think you are being a bit wet with your DH. If my DH wound up my 5 to the point of tears, I’d rip him a new one. She is a child, she needs encouragement not tearing down. If continues she’s not even going to try. He is teaching her no matter what she does, it’s not good enough. He sounds a like wanker who always thinks he is right.

He's being an absolute twat & I couldn't bare to live with someone that treats a five year old like that.

I don't think it would've taken me five years of parenting with him to be fed up of his attitude. I can't imagine he was a dream to parent with the first five years and this is a new thing. Though the exact way he's treating her might be I think the general way he treats her isn't..

He’s bullying her. Do you want her to grow up thinking that that is the normal way for men to treat women?

He won't stop winding her up until she's in tears? OP you really need to do something about this, I can't imagine how damaging that must be. Truthfully this would be ultimatum time for me - he stops doing it and seeks therapy to understand why he felt the need to do it, or you separate.

In case I get accused of being dramatic - I witnessed this dynamic playing out between my cousin and my uncle for many years. It did enormous damage to my cousin and he and his father have a very strained relationship these days.

That's more to the point than my post & I agree with it entirely!!

I hope the OP begins to see that she is not being 'too soft' with their daughter & her DH is the one with issues. Personally, I wouldn't be trying to change him. I'd just be leaving.

I also agree with @Devon1987I would not stay with a man who did this to my child once. In fact, I once saw a bloke like this do something similar in a park and I left because I didn’t want my children to hear him and he wasn’t even doing it to them.

You'd be encouraging her to be delusional if you told her it was a perfect cartwheel, she will be going to the Olympics without any training etc.

All you are doing is encouraging her and making her feel good about trying. All he's doing is shitting all over her fun. He's not exactly being constructive is he? She is learning, no one learns a new skill without starting somewhere.

I'd be telling him very strongly that if he can't say or do something nice, then he shouldn't be saying or doing anything at all.

Deliberately winding up a five-year-old because he enjoys getting a reaction, then carrying on until she’s crying, isn’t “teasing” or teaching resilience. It’s bullying. He’s teaching her that someone can deliberately upset her, ignore her distress and she should just put up with being treated like crap.
And the cartwheel? She’s five!. She doesn’t need a reality check or YouTube tutorials. She needs to be allowed to have fun and feel proud of herself.
You’re not too soft. He’s being unnecessarily cruel, and I’d be far more concerned about his attitude towards her tears than whether she can do a bloody cartwheel.

He's being a shit father. You can’t allow it to carry on.

If he’s winding her up to the point of tears he’s a sadistic cunt.

This is really upsetting and a fucking awful and cruel way to treat a 5 year old.

How can you "clash" with a 5 year old? They're... 5.

Sounds horrible. He needs to stop doing this.

Only starting to be a red flag? He’s bullying a child. His own precious child. How insecure must a man be to big himself up by pushing down a child.

This: He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears is completely unacceptable treatment of anyone, let alone a small child.

How can you tolerate this outright bullying?

My brother did this type of shit with me when we were kids. I wouldn't even be with someone if they thought taunting a child was funny. She doesn't find it funny so the joke's all on her. It would be different if she saw him as being playfully, gently, annoying but it doesn't read that way. He needs told all that shit stops immediately, before he breaks her confidence.

He’s a bully.

Taking things she likes to taunt her, winding her up until she’s in tears and tearing her down when she’s enjoying something are really bullying behaviours. I’d be so disappointed in my husband that he enjoyed making his child feel bad that I’d struggle to respect him

You have got to confront him about his damaging behaviour and stop him from bullying your poor child. She's 5 years old! I couldn't bear to be with someone who treated my daughter in such a despicable way. Does he think he's being funny? Because it doesn't sound as if anyone is laughing. Nasty man.