AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

[Fawncard]

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

What a horrible unkind bullying Daddy.
YOU MUST STOP THIS.

Just tell.him he changes his attitude or you will leave , he sounds jealous of his daughter, he wants to upset her he knows what hes doing, narcasistic behaviour, the old well i didnt have it as a child so neither will you and i would also say hes jealous of your relationship with her, how dare you love her when you should be loving me, unless you want her in therapy when shes older you need to sort it

why are you letting your DH wind up your child till she cries. that's awful. you need to look at yourself as well as his awful behaviour

That poor child. Makes me feel upset just reading how you describe what she is having to live with.

Have you noticed that not one person on this thread has said that his behaviour is ok?

Please protect your daughter from this abuse 😟.

Actually isnt that what the cunt was doing to that baby boy who was killed by the cunt father who was a teacher, he had videos on his phone of him taunting the baby with toys

It's abuse

This is what I wanted to say too.

It's emotional abuse. Belittling, humiliating, teasing to the point of tears. All abusive, totally unacceptable.

Your DH needs counselling and to mend his ways immediately. And you need to be prepared to end the relationship if he doesn't.

Any benefit of the doubt was removed when you said his dad did it to him. To use a wonderful MN term he’s a cartwheeling cock Womble.

Also hope your Dd nails is a sticks it right to him

I HATE men ( or women for that matter) who tease children in order to exercise control. It makes me feel physically sick.

This is an immature man who boosts his own ego by belittling a small child and deliberately winding her up.

What a pitiful excuse for a man ...

A boy we lived nearby was always laughing at me ,and saying I couldnt dance .Even now feel embarrassed and dont want to dance in front of anyone .Please OP just stop this now .If he wont stop then leave LTB

I was thinking the same thing.

Ask him if that's what he wants for her future.

He is consistently eroding her confidence in her abilities, and basically giving her the impression that she is useless at things she wants to do.

"he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed" SHE IS NOT A TOY.
This is just sheer bullying.

You have to stop him and that means don't make any more excuses for this behaviour.

He is not a good dad, he is told the behaviour is damaging and yet he continues to do it - because it amuses him. Your poor daughter.. I had some snide cousins who were old than me and did this every time they visited... it had a big impact.. and they were just cousins. I can't imagine how I'd have felt if it was my Dad doing this.

Start filming him and play it back to him. Telling him does nothing as he carries on.. so how are you going to get through to him.

I would find his emotional abuse too upsetting to witness and would want to get her away from him. He's destroying her bit by bit and you're watching on

agreed, I hope you've really gone for him over this, its a parents job to build our kids up - theres enough stuff tearing them down!

Stop describing it as him “winding her up “ and call it what it is which is psychological abuse. How long has this really been going on for? He didn't suddenly start when she turned five.

Who cares if his dad did it. Who cares if he’s nd. I’m certain he knows enough not to abuse her like that in front of other people. Stop listening to his warped logic about resilience and start protecting your daughter.

He is cruel, sadistic, lacks empathy and not somebody I would want around my child. Which is why my child has never been around my father. I still feel rage when I think about his gloating face when he reduced me to tears.

This. Being bullied by your own parent is going to be so damaging for her growing up.

Nip that nonsense in the bud, OP. He is bullying your little girl, and you know it. I know people often scream: "Leave the b**tard!" at every little thing, but this sort of mean belittling attitude towards a child, his own child, shows he is not a good man. Whether he is willing to work on it in therapy and try to become better for you both is another question, but right now his instinct is to crush her and humiliate and upset her to assert his dominance. You need to step in, let him know that won't be tolerated, and protect her.
My mother used to "keep the peace" whilst agreeing with me in private that my stepfather was cruel to me and it wasn't useless it let me know that I wasn't imagining things and that it wasn't normal, but it didn't really help me either and those issues he created have followed me long into my 30s. Don't wait to fix this situation for your daughter.

You need to protect her better.

He sounds like a fucking bully to her. This is red flag territory. Her inner voice is developing and it won't be a very nice one if he carries on like this.

Leaving so that he gets joint custody and OP is not there to protect her daughter when he’s alone with her? This is what I can never fathom about it being so easy to LTB

Your husband is bullying your child. He is purposefully doing mean things to her, to ‘wind her up’ and then gaslighting the both of you.
Yes, taking her favourite cup is childish to adults, but to a child it is someone much bigger in a position of power over her controlling the things she enjoys.
You need to show him this thread, and hope he changes the way he parents.

Reading this post made my blood boil run cold.

I had this done to me when I was very small - the making me cry for kicks.
Sixty years later, I’m only beginning to come to terms with it understanding the sort of man who would go out of his way to distress his own daughter, and enjoy it.
Don’t imagine your daughter will forget this. She will also want to know why her mother stood by and allowed it to happen.
What else is going on and what does he do to you, OP?

But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.

Okay and you say he's neurodiverse so might not understand?

Every time you have sex whip out a porn video and tell him that's not good sex, this is how you do it, look at how amazing the other men are. I'm sure he'll get the message. If he complains just tell him you wouldn't want him to be delusional now would you.

He’s bullying her, and as a teen and adult she will look for boyfriends and partners who do the same.

If you’re not ok with that then you need to do something about it.

My dad was like this, insisted me and my sister play cricket with him bowling a fast overarm ball at us because ‘That was how you played cricket’ he made us ride bikes on the road rather than the pavement. We were 5 or 6.
I remember being scared most of my childhood. Was he nice at times? Yes.
Which do you think I remember most?

This^^