AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

[Sasco86]

So a few weeks ago, there was what I perceived as a jokey conversation going on and another mum said her stepson was as gay as they come. I jokingly said that she wouldn’t be getting any grandchildren from him any time soon then. To me, i was just joining in on the jokey conversation and that’s all it was. I have now been ostracised and reported to the safeguarding lead officer at the sports club this happened at. People who were my friends have taken her side because she’s made it far more of a thing than it was and my children have even been told things that are far from true. I almost feel that this person is now trying to bully us out of the club. Adult bullying is by far the most horrible situation I’ve ever experienced.

Yeah, that was a stupid thing to say.

I’d also avoid you.

your comment doesn’t make sense and is an odd thing to have said.. sorry

A very extreme reaction from her. Is she normally such a drama llama?

You do know gay people can have kids, right? You came over as homophobic, I'm not surprised she's avoiding you. The safe guarding thing seems OTT, unless you're in a supervisory role, in which case you might be coaching gay people and it's right to alert the lead about what you said.

What you said wasn’t really a joke, I’m not sure why you’d say that.

I agree. When she was the one who said he was gay in the first place. I don't understand how this can be a safeguarding issue?

I don’t get why that’s a safeguarding issue. She said he was gay basically and you made a joke back. It wouldn’t even hit my radar

Sorry but that's a weird thing to say and it sounds like you wouldn't treat e.g. adopted kids as part of the family. I remember someone making a similar remark around another family member who was adopted, and felt awful for them.

However, no idea why a safeguarding person was involved?

I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. Are we pretending it’s not less likely for a male gay couple to have children than a hetero couple? Of course they can adopt or use a surrogate but I think also more male gay couples choose to stay childless than hetero couples. Surely. I don’t think it was a ridiculous thing to say at all. A little outdated perhaps but not ridiculous.

Its not particularly funny but also pretty innocuous. She must have made a real effort to find it so offensive.

"Not getting grandkids" means something different from "less likely to have grandkids". You obviously know that, as you changed the words from what OP said.

I am aware btw that gay men can have children. I know loads gay couples with kids but I still think it would be generally seen as an innocent joke

It was an insensitive thing to say but she's defo capitalized on it to get her revenge.

another mum said her stepson was as gay as they come

Her exact words, OP? Really?

Eh? I wasn’t trying to quote the OP. But also she said, “…anytime soon” didn’t she?

it was silly and outdated but not totally off the mark. It would take much longer and be more challenging for them to have kids.

sounds like a total over reaction.

Your joke was odd, her reaction is completely insane.

I think it's quite weird to comment on whether a near-stranger's child will be procreating. The fact he's gay just makes it even weirder and a bit homophobic that that's the first thing you think of.

Safeguarding seems an odd follow-up, but that might not even have been her decision?

Have you tried directly apologising?

If all of your friends have taken her side I feel like you may be downplaying this somewhat.

Nice to hear of a club that absolutely doesn't tolerate homophobia though.

Seems insane OTT reaction from her. Even if it was a poor attempt at humour to take it that far is ridiculous.

It wasn't the best joke, but clearly had no malicious intent. I'm sorry you are having to deal with a nasty over-reaction. It's very difficult when you're on the back foot. Friends who've taken a side on this were not real friends. That doesn't make you feel any better right now, but you often have to close one door first for another to open, so I hope it leaves room for better people to take their place in time. In the meantime keep your dignity, don't react and this will probably blow over.

Oh dear. She was making light of something that had deeper consequences and you sort of honed in on the worst case scenario, but just as banter.

You can probably salvage this, but only with a bold apology.

Good luck 🤞

This was a really inappropriate comment. Worrying that you're kids won't have children is often a big worry for someone in her shoes. Having is obviously harder for same sex couples and you could have hit a raw nerve. It was definitely something that came up for my mother in law with my wife and she's the nicest woman in the world. It's a worry that life will generally be harder. Just reflect on the comment, apologise and move on. It's not a safeguarding issue though. That's a very odd leap!

I know loads that would joke someone they knew was ‘as gay as they come’ if it suited the situation - obv not every gay person.
you could argue that the person saying that should not have been publicaly discussing her step son sexuality and the original comment was offensive

So the step mum joked that her stepson was as gay as they come, a stereotype, and then op joked no grandkids for you then! Biological fact although obviously there are other ways to have kids. So both a bit meh, but intent behind both was no harm by the sounds of it. So stepmom complained and reported? And by op account embellishing? The stepmom sounds like a dramalama and out of order! Jeez! What happened to having one on one conversations? What you said hurt, oh - sorry, no worries, let’s get a drink, over.

There was no need to kick that woman where it hurts. This was v. cruel.