AIBU to ask my in-laws not to take the children to church?

[Moocrewmummy]

me and my husband are going away for 2 nights soon & my in laws are watching our daughters. My in laws are very religious which I hold no qualms about but their church is very extreme and have in recent years had accusations of religious coercion amongst other unfavourable accusations in the uk press. I was raised catholic and my husband Protestant but neither of us practice and want to raise our children to be open to faith but we are not going to raise them as religious as such. The intend to take the girls to their church on the Sunday to which I am very apposed to and my husband seconds this as well. Are we being unreasonable to ask them not to take them to church? My mother in law frequently watches a live stream at home when she’s ill so they can still watch but doesn’t involve my children going in to the church. Any guidance on this would be appreciated!

You should enjoy childfree time and support your sister it is great you and dh can go. The only issue is leaving children with very religious people and asking them not to attend church.

It is one service I wouldnt worry, and if you are that worried then you shouldn't have used in-laws as childcare on a Sunday. Presume they are nice and trust worthy people despite their church? So trust them and enjoy your time away.

It’s one weekend. It really won’t cause any harm.

Northern Irish, raised Catholic, now agnostic at best.

My mother remains a devout Catholic….and also reads at the Christmas service of her local Presbyterian church.

So you’re saying they’re proper good old fashioned bigots? No way would I leave my kids in their care if they behaved like that at the religious service of a faith not their own.

Are you in a mixed marriage, OP?

If you feel so strongly, ask someone else to look after the children.

This is like the posts on MN about women that dont like their in-laws but want to happily use them for free babysitting and then come on here to moan about something they don’t like.

Have some convictions and cancel the going away if you feel so strongly n

YABVU. Don’t go away then!

This, no real need for your DH to be there

If you trust them enough to look after your DDs then you have to trust that no harm will come to them at the church. They will be with ILs at all times presumably, and being so young the stuff will go over their heads. If it doesn't - talk it through when you return.

All my atheist kids went to religious schools and kept the (cyncical) faith, I am sure yours are going to be fine.

Enjoy your break

A weekend away, would be nice!

No way this would be happening and I’d find someone else. They can keep their delusions to themselves

If they're having the kids for you, you can't decide what they do with their time. You can ask them not to take them there, but you cannot dictate.

They sound nice.

You can not believe in god but still recognise that rituals construct feelings of obligation, ownership, influence, etc. in those who are involved or share the beliefs and that that can have an impact on your child.

I thought it might be Vineyard. I'd not want my children to visit one of their churches. OP it's worth looking at the Sam Howson videos on Youtube.

It's just a Vineyard church, it's a nornal enough church and although your reasons would be valid for YOU not to wantbto attend, your kids are only 2 and 4, there wili be other kids for them there to play with and they'll probably have a great time. They're doing you a favour by taking the kids and you're being over the top insisting they don't take your kids along with them on Sunday. Yoir kids are too young to really get any 'religious' stuff and nobody will benefit from you taking this stance, you're just going to needlessly annoy someone who is doing you a favour. YABU

Your PIiL are trustworthy enough to mind your DC for a whole day per week so their religion obviously does not make them behave disrespectfully or dangerously. They know and love your children.
For one attendance at church wirh their grandparents, I think it unlikely that any harm what so ever will happen.
Teach tolerance and don't worry.
Or find new carers.
You, should attend the church once so that you are not ignorant and so you can diacuss any issues that your children might talk about after attending the odd service with their grandparents during the next fifteen years. You seem ignorant.

The parents have every right to attend whichever church they want to.
If the OP doesn't want her children attending that church at all, then she doesn't have to leave her kids with them. Her kids don't need 'standing up for'. This is one of the occasions where you have to choose if you want the childcare badly enough.

Obviously the OP could ask if she wishes to by it risks coming across as pretty rude and may lead to them not wanting to help out as much and they seem to do quite a lot at the moment.

As an agnostic, I think you are being unreasonable. Let them experience the church your InLaws go to, they can see what it is like for themselves.

Th more you protest over them not going, the more they will want to go to see what is going on

Where did I say the gparents do not have the right to attend their church?

Do you know what the REALISTIC harm would be if attending one service.

You could ask 4yo what she learned/heard at church and if anything alarming comes out of her mouth, speak to her about it and put her on a healthy track. Then watch Wish with her and explore challenging common thinking.

Good learning for her.

My girls are 2 & 4 but our 4 year old picks up everything

I went to a church school and experienced religious assembly every day of my school life. My family were not religious at all and everyone just accepted that
the school took a religious view that we did not. It really wasn't a very big deal.

I think you are being extremely unreasonable. Why should they not be able to go to church while watching your children? As for not having anyone else to look after them, millions of mothers don't have anyone at all, ever. So take them with you?

You can't ask the parents not to attend their church. It's just not ok.

Vineyard IS a "normal" Church.
What an ignorant thing to say.

and you do not know what type of shouty sermonising there might be

Why are you just making stuff up ?

I don't go to a Vineyard Church (although have, once, when with a friend) and just found a friendly bunch of people at Worship. The small children went out to hear a story do some singing and colouring and had a play for about 3/4 of the service.
No-one shouted at anyone.

A lot of hysterics on here. Vineyard is a perfectly normal church, it's not the Free P's ! I've several different friends who attend vineyard churches in NI. I've on occasion attended services at 2 different ones in N.I. ... there's nothing "shouty" about it. Very family friendly churches with kids' getting their own wee time together out of the main service which would be singing, playing. 2 and 4 year olds aren't getting indoctrinated unless you think a few bible stories are going to do it.
As for the in-laws being bigoted, I am ex-catholic myself but know exactly what they mean about the catholic rigmarole! I don't think it's bigoted to say that

I was brought up Catholic (atheist now), dh was brought up CofE - but subsequently was indoctrinated into JW with MIL (agnostic now). I get where you're coming from I told MIL that if dh found religion I'd divorce him - that left her in a funny place as divorce is something she really struggles with and yet she needs to try to convert him/us. The reality is she's not daft - she kept her religion to herself - gave me a bible once for the kids - it went in the recycling. I don't think one visit to a church is going to convert them - well maybe at the age of 5/6 my kids were interested in the trinkets - but they quickly lost focus.
The problem you have is not the Sunday Church visit when you're away, it's the every interaction - will they be feeding your kids the God Stuff? Mil did not try to convert my kids - she didn't behave like a zealot - she was quite anti-catholicism - in the sense that she saw it's hold over people, but I could give as good as I got and I wasn't too precious about it - we are very close (which is surprising). JWs have a hard sell though - not many kids want to give up Christmas and Birthday presents.

If you trust them to look after your children, that means you should trust their judgement to follow your wishes, not override them as they seem fit.
They are not a trustworthy childcare arrangement.....