AIBU to ask my in-laws not to take the children to church?

[Moocrewmummy]

me and my husband are going away for 2 nights soon & my in laws are watching our daughters. My in laws are very religious which I hold no qualms about but their church is very extreme and have in recent years had accusations of religious coercion amongst other unfavourable accusations in the uk press. I was raised catholic and my husband Protestant but neither of us practice and want to raise our children to be open to faith but we are not going to raise them as religious as such. The intend to take the girls to their church on the Sunday to which I am very apposed to and my husband seconds this as well. Are we being unreasonable to ask them not to take them to church? My mother in law frequently watches a live stream at home when she’s ill so they can still watch but doesn’t involve my children going in to the church. Any guidance on this would be appreciated!

Then you go support your sister and DH stays home.

I think if they are church goers then a tad unreasonable to expect them not to go - although totally get why your not comfortable so you go and DH stays

You can't ask them for the favour of childcare then insist they don't go to church. You have to choose one or the other.

If you want them to look after them then you cant throw your weight around over this unless its physically dangerous which taking them to church isnt, so youll have to like it or lump it.

Yep this. I think if you don't want them to take the kids to church and they frequently go then you need to look at other options. This means leaving DH behind while you go to watch the marathon.

They are 2 & 4, I doubt one trip to church will do much to affect them. Would you take them to a Christening?

Tbh it doesnt sound like it matters whether they take them to the building or not, they will feed them the same shit either way.
You have to decide whether them babysitting is worth enough to you to allow your kids to be fed the message your in-laws will feed them at every opportunity.

Then don't go away? Sorry OP you can't have it both ways.

You go, DH stays at home.

Highly unlikely a 4 year old picks up everything let alone the mumbo jumbo going on in a church.

your right they have left the Protestant faith and now go to a Vineyard church which from what I can gather is more of a born again Christian worship however with recent accusations of the religion coercion is my main worry. My in laws nearly didn’t attend their own grandchildren’s baptisms because it wasn’t “their faith”. They did attend at the last minute but made fun of a lot of the service as and “catholic rigmarole”.

Would taking the DDs to the marathon to see their aunt be an option?

At 2 & 4 I don't think it's the end of the world if they went to church with their grandparents once! It's likely that most of it will just go over their heads. Of course you can ask but as they're doing you the favour of looking after your children so you can go away, I wouldn't be making a fuss about them going to church as a one off.

What's the point of teaching kids RE, but you're too scared to show them the real thing?

You are even more ridiculous.

You want a child-free weekend for a non-event, it's absolutely fine. Highly recommended even, it's great to have child-free and parent-free time.
But there's nothing that you can't miss if you have such strong moral issues.
You can't have it both ways.

Are you intending on homeschooling? Because your children will constantly be in contact with things you don't agree and don't believe in.

It's entirely up to you, but no, again you cannot forbid your in-laws to attend their church! You can't forbid them to do anything, if you disagree for any reason, you don't send your children.

Surprised at the replies here. It is absolutely reasonable not to want your child attending religious services that you don't support.

Can you explain in a bit more detail what kind of extreme Church this is? I think some pp think it's just a normal CofE service. From your description it's clearly something much more fundamentalist.
Do you think it will scare your children?

It kinda depends which vineyard it is in that case but they’re not all bad.

You can’t ask them to babysit if that’s the case.

Good question. Are there child sacrifices involved?

I’m an atheist and was brought up in a non religious household . I’ve sat in church more than once on a Sunday didn’t do me any harm. It’s good for children to learn about different peoples faiths and beliefs.

I find that quite extreme behaviour so that would definitely be a no from me if those were my children.

They clearly don't respect other religions.

If you are very against them going to the church then unfortunately you are going to have to make a comprise this time about what is more important to you. Seeing sister running child free, children not going to church. A compromise could be that you and the DC go watch the race. Could DC only watch part of the race and DH takes the children somewhere whilst you watch. Or your compromise is that DC go to 1 church service whilst you watch the race. Alternatively you ask someone else to have the DC.

You are not unreasonable not wanting them to go to church, but equally you cannot dictate exactly what IL will do on their childcare time. If church is important to them they will likely want to go or may even go without telling you.

Moving forward I would where possible try and organise any sleepovers/ grandparent childcare to non church service days.

I think YABU and I say this as a complete atheist who had a (weird!) religious parent. I think you either find someone else to watch your children or they go to church. Its unfair for you to dictate what they do when they are doing you a favour! I doubt they will be indoctrinated in 1 visit!

I wouldn't go. Your sister will be fine, your kids possibly not.

I was taken to an extremist church once that my mom had no idea what it was and let's just say they were some of the batshit craziest, scary people I have ever run into and I was terrified and had no way out.

I don’t see why going to church is such a taboo for you, if they are full on religious they won’t wait for Sundays there will be wee prayers, saying grace, talking about god/Jesus on the day a week the kids spend with them already.