AIBU to ask my in-laws not to take the children to church?

[Moocrewmummy]

me and my husband are going away for 2 nights soon & my in laws are watching our daughters. My in laws are very religious which I hold no qualms about but their church is very extreme and have in recent years had accusations of religious coercion amongst other unfavourable accusations in the uk press. I was raised catholic and my husband Protestant but neither of us practice and want to raise our children to be open to faith but we are not going to raise them as religious as such. The intend to take the girls to their church on the Sunday to which I am very apposed to and my husband seconds this as well. Are we being unreasonable to ask them not to take them to church? My mother in law frequently watches a live stream at home when she’s ill so they can still watch but doesn’t involve my children going in to the church. Any guidance on this would be appreciated!

I would find someone else to look after my kids.

You should find someone else to look after your kids.

I agree with the above. Find someone else.

You can tell them you don't want the children to go to church but you should have a plan b as your PIL may still want to attend meaning you would have no childcare.

How old are the children? Old enough to understand what's going on?

If they don't take them, what alternative childcare are you arranging. They will still want to go to church

You should get alternative childcare and only ask il yo babysit on non-religious days.

Find someone else.

There's nothing wrong with children being made aware that one side of the family has certain beliefs, and you don't "catch religion" by attending church once.

if it's that a moral issue for you, no you cannot tell them not to go to church, but send the kids with someone else.

Find someone else. You don't want your kids exposed to religious extremism online or in person and it sounds like they don't respect your wishes here.

They are doing you a favour so you can go away? I went to church as a child, I am an atheist, it didn't do me any harm. It's just for 1 service, I'm sure they will be fine. Is it not good for them to experience different beliefs?

We unfortunately have no one else to ask to look after the children and my husband has a small family and mine live away. My girls are 2 & 4 but our 4 year old picks up everything.

So don't go away if it bothers you that much. We don't have family to look after ours so take them everywhere we go.

You’re being unreasonable. They’re helping you out by looking after your kids so let them slot the kids into their usual routine. Also it’s one attendance at church, not a month long terrorist training camp

Ooh tough one. I 100% agree with why you don't want them to goto church. But I cannot see your ILs listening to you, especially given how religious you say they are.
I would agree with PP in that you need to find someone else to look after your kids, or maybe suck it up and accept that they'll be going to church.

I assume it's something like the Jehova's witnesses. No way would I let my children be exposed to that at such an impressionable age.

My DH and I don't have someone to look after our children over night so we simply don't go away.

If going to church every Sunday is their thing, and you want them to do childcare on a Sunday then I think while you could ask them to miss church, they would also not be unreasonable to say that they are not missing church so either the children come with them or unfortunately we will not be able to take them on the Sunday. My parents were the same they would not miss church Sunday morning or evening for anything other than severe illness. Even on holiday they would research a suitable church in the area in advance. If you do not want your children at even one service you need alternative childcare

I think you are not unreasonable asking if they’d mind not taking them. But they are not unreasonable in saying they are going!

As a Pp said you don’t catch religion by going once and if you genuinely want your kids to be open minded understanding their grandparents faith is a good thing.

I suspect grandparents are also very proud and probably want to show off their grandchildren to their friends.

If it really bothers you that much you’ll have to come home early

My sister is running the Shoreditch half marathon to raise money for Alzheimer’s to which we lost my grandad too so it is something as a family we would like to be there to support my sister but with an event like this feel it would be too much for the children. This will be only the 4th occasion my in-laws have had the girls overnight as they have them a day a week and have never asked this of them before.

If your dh was raised Protestant, I think you are saying your ILs have left main stream protestantism.

I'd have no issue with my DC attending: catholic, synagogue, Quaker Meeting House Mosque, Temple, mainstream protestant: Anglican, Baptist, Methodist, etc, but I'd have issues about the evangelistic/fundamentalist end of the church of England. Jehova, Christian Science, etc, would be a hard no.

If their church is unacceptable to you, you need different plans and that may include not going away. If the IL's are adopting fundamentalist views, I probavly woukd not want them supervising my DC if I wasn't present tbh.

I don't see the issue. Bring up your kids to think critically, don't shield them from other thoughts. I think you're being overprotective and intolerant.

I think it's important for kids to be exposed to the whole range of beliefs and realise that people are good anyhow.

Tricky. They have told you what they intend to do, not just done it while you are away. That's a bonus. But they should have asked you if they could take them to church, to give you the chance to say no. As your DDs are their guests, you can't tell them what to do. So either they will have to go to church (unless satanic rituals are being practised, it's hard to see how an hour of their lives is going to damage them or change their thinking for the rest of their lives) or you'll have to have someone else look after them.

I have voted that you are being unreasonable because you can't tell your in-laws what to do, not because I don't think it's reasonable for you not to want your DDs to go to church.

Hmm torn on this one. I truly believe if you leave your children in anyones care you accept their way of doing things.

However the description of the church has me worried.

Your 4 year old is impressionable. I do not believe it is fair for her to be introduced to the church/religion away from your own control. This is not a school environment where there would be someone coming into the school for talks etc. This would be actively encouraged from the grand parents.

I would tell them your worries. Tell them how you are bringing your child up and that the church introduction would be off limits for you. If they cant deal with the honesty you have brought to the table, how can you trust them to not go behind your back and take them anyhow.

Won’t they be indoctrinating the kids regardless? So what odds about Sunday too?

I wouldn’t want them to go either, but you’re on a back foot as they’re doing you a big favour

We never let ILs take DD to church. I also would not want my children watching a livestream.

I would just not go away if they are resistant to skipping a service.

Be grateful for the childcare and remember that growing up in a religious household still resulted in your un religious husband. Let them do what’re they decide and kinks it winter make a difference. Arguably part of being open minded and liberal is letting your children experience their grandparents’ culture. Make sure they are exposed to variety, rather than keeping them away.