AIBU to ask my in-laws not to take the children to church?

[Moocrewmummy]

me and my husband are going away for 2 nights soon & my in laws are watching our daughters. My in laws are very religious which I hold no qualms about but their church is very extreme and have in recent years had accusations of religious coercion amongst other unfavourable accusations in the uk press. I was raised catholic and my husband Protestant but neither of us practice and want to raise our children to be open to faith but we are not going to raise them as religious as such. The intend to take the girls to their church on the Sunday to which I am very apposed to and my husband seconds this as well. Are we being unreasonable to ask them not to take them to church? My mother in law frequently watches a live stream at home when she’s ill so they can still watch but doesn’t involve my children going in to the church. Any guidance on this would be appreciated!

You are asking them to babysit for a full weekend, you just need to let this one pass or find someone who can take them
out while the grandparents are at the service.

You cannot under any circumstances stopped them from going to church if they want to go, unless you are paying them the usual nanny rate and then, just then, it is reasonable to dictate what they do or don’t do.

This - because religious indoctrination doesn’t just happen in church, it starts in the home. I’d not leave my children with anyone extremely religious (whatever the flavour) these days.

Right so... Don't leave them with the GPs?
Cos the GPs will be going to church as practicing Christians do. And it wouldn't be right to expect them not to. Not to mention insulting.

So accepting that OP has absolutely the right to decide on matters of belief for her kids, the obvious conclusion is not to send them to the GPs.

I have not been able to read all of the responses but if you expect your IL to watch them on a sunday, they should be allowed to take them to church. Nothing nefarious is going to happen to your children by being exposed to one sunday service. Christ on a bike.

Yes @ChampagneProblemsTS if it’s a dealbreaker for the parents, they need to find other childcare. If I were looking after GC on a Sunday and my DC asked me not to go to church, I’d refuse (I don’t have GC incidentally).

It’s incredibly hypocritical to have baptised your children into the Catholic Church “in case something bad were to happen”, but then not allow your parents to take them to church. “I don’t want my children to live in limbo” is about the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask but they don't sound like the kind of people that will happily follow your instructions. Agree with PPs that if you think they have worrying beliefs the church itself is the least of your worries.

@EnfysPreseli my husband has attended a few services and healing services, his experience has shaped his impression of the venue. I’m not suspicious or intolerant of the unfamiliar when my husband has been. He didn’t like it on a personal level and wasn’t for him but it’s not to say it’s not for others. The healing service he had attended aimed to cure dyslexia, depression, ms etc. my husband found it just a bit much. I know that when I’ve taken my children to catholic services I’ve had push back from my in-laws.

we don’t want to stop our children from seeing their grandchildren. We understand that their beliefs will bleed out in to their day to day lives which they have dc. They are not a danger to them as grandparents and we are fine with the day to day beliefs. They have the children as they want to not because we need them to as dc still go to a childminder. I just worry a step could end up a mile.

It’s one time I doubt the 4 year old will be converted.

Not if you’re not happy with the childcare arrangements! You take your choices!

You’re being unreasonable. And also extremely fortunate to have someone who will look after your 2 and 4 year old overnight. It’s really not a big deal, especially at those ages. We take my kids to both my Protestant and my husbands Catholic Church. In both they just sit quietly and colour or play with toys. They are not in any way listening or understanding what is happening.

This reallly

What do you think will happen if they go to church once?

Really really tricky decision. My family were involved in very evangelical churches growing up and I think they can be very dangerous. One friend I had in those days was I believe gay and the anti-gay pressure created (he genuinely would have believed gay people burn in hell), meant he spent the rest of his life in out of mental health facilities. One session when they are young might not be harmful, but going forward I would be clear with your parents that you do not want your children to go to this Church and if you book time away going forward I would do so in the week, so there is no chance of them pitching up at Church.

Oh OP I feel you
I believe but I wouldn't go near a vineyard church after a bad experience in my mid 30s
North coast Christians in Northern Ireland are something else ( gemma mc sherry does good blogs on this)
To me they will always be untrustworthy over their actions in covering up the actions of colin Howell

Its pretty straight forward OP. The additional information about the church, the pastor etc is irrelevant. You either accept that they will go to church (I'm not sure that one session will hurt) or you don't leave the DC with grandparents and either cancel your plans, take DC with you or find alternative childcare. Its not about them having a relationship with your children, they can still have that, but if they go to church on sunday, that is the wrong day to leave them there.

@AirborneElephant I take my children to church just not every week but not just for holidays either so I don’t consider that as hypocritical. To say that’s the most f!cked up thing you’ve heard is unnecessary as that is a lot of catholics view on baptising their children but you find me absurd for just not wanting my children to go to a church that I have concerns about?

Vineyard? Really? 2 of my oldest friends go to a Vineyard church, they are two of the least controlling/ coercive people I know. At the point that we met I was an active Christian, I’m now not but we continue to discuss everything/anything.
Haven’t the accusations been made against individual churches in the USA, rather than anywhere in England?
I understand if you don’t want your expose your children to any kind of religion but I personally would not worry about a one off.And if you don’t trust your children’s grandparents at all that is going to seriously limit their relationship. ( again, fine if it is justified but this seems to be based more on hearsay which may have nothing at all to do with their specific situation.)