To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

I agree, try and be the first to say no.
Am allergic to out of hours work stuff.

It's an invitation, not a summons.

Just say no if you don't want to go. She has no way of knowing if you have other plans.

There is nothing wrong with her inviting people if that's what she wants to do. I find it weird that you seem almost offended by the invitation.

I wouldn’t want to give up part of my weekend to spend with work colleagues tbh. Can’t she go for drinks after work?

I’m not offended but it adds pressure to go as it’s not a huge gathering.

My health isn't brillant. I can't spend a Saturday night out after a full working day. I wouldn't want to spend money on it either.
It would be a no thank you.

Thanks for invite but I'm busy all weekend.

Yeah that would be a bit better instead of Saturday afternoon spending money that I’d prefer not to. A couple of drink that would be fine

It’s a bit odd to want to have a special 50th celebration with work colleagues you don’t know well. Sure, if you’re all in the office close to the day and you want to invite whoever is there to a lunch that might make sense. Otherwise, just have a regular party and invite the colleagues you’re close to along to that. Maybe she doesn’t have many friends, or maybe she’s someone who needs to make birthdays an ongoing festival of her that every vague acquaintance should want to get involved in, either way I’d be saying that weekends tend to be very full for me so I’m unlikely to be able to attend.

Go after work, that's what we do. Everyone is heading home at 7/8pm. It's all good!

I was always the type of person to go to the opening of an envelope. She's fine to ask and will get some takers, if you can't be assertive, that's on you. I'm also someone who had three birthdays, so I'm fully on board.

Maybe she wants a reason for people to get to know each other, which is nice even if she's not reading the room too well! But no, nobody has to go. I like the other suggestions of meeting after work, would people go for drinks on the Friday, the day before her b'day? Could do a whip around for a bottle of champers for her to drink on her b'day or at least get folk to sign a card.

Yes, drinks after work would be much better. Most people don't want to spend weekends with their work colleagues unless they've already developed a friendship outside of work. It doesn't sound like this is the case.

I wouldn’t want to go really. Weekends are precious for family time and i already have groups of friends (that I don’t have much time to see).
However, I also believe in sucking it up for the greater good, so provided it was a one off, I’d do that.

It depends on who it is and who’s going.

A good work friend - have travelled an hour across London to a couple of house parties.

A normal colleague - if there are other work friends or colleagues going that I would have fun with on an evening out, then have similarly travelled an hour to a pub for a birthday party or driven 1.5 hours to an evening only wedding invite. But if it’s mainly colleagues I don’t really talk to, then no, I wouldn’t bother.

I think if you work from home even going out after work would seem a bit weird OP, but if you'd feel better about doing that, then why not say 'Sorry Helen, I'm afraid I can't make it at the weekend, and I suspect with other commitments, some of the others won't be able to either, why don't we go out one night after work instead?' At least that way you're not hurting her feelings with an outright no, and by offering to go after work, it shows willing rather than a rebuff.

Just say you've got something else on and can't make it, easy. You get out of it and nobody's offended.

Or if she hasn't picked the time/date yet and is asking everyone to tell her when you're free, you say "we have a lot on over the next few weekends so please don't plan it around me, but I'll definitely try to make it if I can!". Then (naturally) when she does pick the time, oh no! you are busy afterall. So sad.

Any pressure to go is not your issue.

Just say 'oh unfortunately I can't do weekends as I've got some home things to do.' If anyone asks just be vague and imply it's DIY or helping a friend in trouble.

Agree.

Bit awkward. I work in a small team of four managers (love them all) and oddly three of us have a big birthday within two months. We went to a local pub for lunch to celebrate and made sure to clarify we’d all pay our own way. Was a nice break and was enough!

One of them invited us all to her house to join her BBQ party for her 50th last month and I was the only one who attended. No stress no drama and no pressure. Agree that no invitation should ever feel like an obligation when it’s work colleagues. YANBU.

At the most I think popping out together as a team during your lunch break (if doable at your work) would be more usual.

Bit unusual tbh especially as you have no contact outside of work. I often make good friends at work but yeah for a colleague I don’t socialise with otherwise, that’s a bit odd. I’d understand more if she was having a big party and you were all invited to a bigger event.

Do you not think it means she holds more value on the set-up than you realise? Or she sees ye as friends or has less good friends than others have? You’re treating it as a work event but she sees it as a night out

Well that sounds awkward and horrible.
No.

I think this is the best suggestion. It makes me a bit sad to think that she sees her colleagues as friends but it’s not reciprocated. Many, many years ago I invited work colleagues to my flat for a house party. None of them came (plenty of other friends came so it wasn’t a complete washout!) and I realised that the relationship wasn’t quite what I thought it was. I think whatever you decide to do, be kind.

suggest she has it on a friday evening?

some people are friendlier than others