To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

You've gone too far the other way.

OP is BU to think it's self indulgent to invite colleagues out. You're BU to characterise not wanting to go in one's free time as miserable. It's actually fine to ask people and fine for people to have other preferences for their time off. Being social with colleagues off the clock is neither inherently good nor inherently bad.

I would appreciate being asked and included but politely decline (and just say weekends are really busy with family commitments but you hope she has a lovely time)
I'm sure she expects some people to come and others not to...your annoyance at being asked is a little baffling though.

God no, I don’t even go to work socials in work time if I can help it. I used to be way more sociable at work, two of my bridemaids were originally colleagues of mine but life is too busy now and also…just no. I have zero guilt for any of these things. The worse feeling is going and then regretting it so save yourself now.

I also find the reaction to this sort of thing on here very odd. It’s the same for weddings, it feels like a lot of anti social people.

its a nice idea, but of course you don’t need to go if you don’t wish to.

NO,NO and thrice NO!

I'm sure one 'no' would get the message across 😆

Yeah bit weird.

but maybe she wants to get to know you guys/become closer and make friends with work colleagues. And this is how. But weird she picked Saturday

I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t gave any/much friends. Or friends who want to celebrate with her. And who knows what her relationship with husband is. Maybe they are having problems.

maybe suggest work day instead

at my sisters old work place they became close, we went to each others weddings, helped each other when sick etc. but it’s different everywhere

But yeah You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

Just say no thank you.

I invited my work colleagues to my 40th birthday party (I was probably unreasonable for having a party after the age of 8) They all came and most stayed in a hotel that night as well. Ive also been to most of their significant birthdays - on weekends - and enjoyed it. Maybe we are all deranged ....

There are numerous threads on here from people struggling to make friends, which always saddens me. Why is a friendly gesture seen as such a threat? Why can'r work colleagues become friends? I would hate to be so insular and have such clear boundaries between home and work life. I have a lovely circle of friends, some are from when the children were little, some are from various workplaces, some are neighbours. I didn't think this was at all bizarre but according to this thread, it probably is. I hope you get the birthday girl a card at the very least.

Same here. I also invited colleagues to my wedding. All day with an overnight stay. They came.

Colleagues can be friends too.

Ok I just read op again and use of “self indulgent” is too much. I’d say being unreasonable because you used this word

she offered not like she is forcing anyone

it’s nice she wants your company and its perfectly normal to make friends with work colleagues

Quite simply, I wouldn't go unless I wanted to.

As a pp said, you're treating it as work, which is why you're bummed about it being on a weekend, almost like you expect it to be held during working hours because she's a colleague. But she sees you as friends, poor woman.

colleague probably just wanted to invite her five friends in the office to her party but felt obliged to be inclusive and invite the sixth person - ie OP - and say how nice it would be for everyone to come. (She could hardly not invite OP - and if she didn't invite OP, we'd probably get a thread on that)

Just say no.

You don’t have to go so decline. The problem is these days if you have good friends at work and want to invite them to something but don’t invite all the members of the team someone will claim they’re being ‘bullied’ because they weren’t invited. Safer to invite everyone and hope the ones you’re not bothered about have enough self awareness not to come.

I'd politely say no. Regardless of what age the work colleague will be. As noted on many other threads, I consider so-called milestone or 'big' birthdays as a nonsense designed to get you to spend more.

You think not going for a meal with someone you work with is related to 'boundaries' or work/life balance?

Honestly I find that so odd. It's just an invitation to a meal with a colleague. It's a choice where to go out but, nothing to do with boundaries. I've got so many friends who started out as colleagues, they are positive relationships in my life.

The UK has changed so much in recent years. People are more isolated, lonely and mental health issues are increasing. It's really sad.

Incredibly sad I agree

although Asimov did predict this kind of society was possible in his Foundation series written in the late 1940s

For me it depends on how well you get on with this lady. In my last job, I only socialised with those I really liked. There were leaving dos and Christmas nights out I didn't go to because to be frank it was bad enough to have to work with some of them.

This post sums it up perfectly, thank you.

I think the context and specifics are being lost here
Colleagues being invited to a Birthday event including others( family/ friends) fine
Option to attend/ not attend

Birthday lunch at work fine

Telling your colleagues who WFH that you are going to hold a Birthday lunch out of work inviting them exclusively -hmmm not fine as its presented as an expectation that they will attend or ruin her birthday

Does anyone else feel sorry for the work colleague, who is just simply arranging a meal for her birthday? If the meal was on a weekday evening, people would no doubt be busy with other commitments such as badminton practice, taking kids to gymnastics etc.

No
I think her expectations regarding colleagues who WFH are too much

She’s issued an invitation! Not told them she ‘expects’ anything!