To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

Poor lady, she sounds like she wants to be friendly. I think I could probably spare a few hours to celebrate someone's birthday, but you can obviously say no if you don't want to go.

Perhaps she feels her colleagues are also friends and people she'd like to see outside work? A couple of people I worked with years ago became lifelong friends.

Just politely decline with I'm sorry I can't make it. You dont have to give a reason.

She might feel hurt if others decline as well especially if other outside get togethers have been organised and well attended. , so maybe the rest of you could decide separately on a lunchtime or immediately after-work get together to mark her special birthday that you could suggest to her..

It depends on the culture and social Norms in the office .

Why not just say you'd love to come but weekends unfortunately don't work as they are family time- how about [insert week daY]?

MN hates the idea of being friends with work colleagues, I expect in real life a lot of people would be tempted to go.

What is odder is thinking that being invited to a social occasion by work colleagues is odd.

some of my absolute bestests are people I’ve worked with over the years. All friendships start somewhere and being invited to someone’s birthday is a lovely thing.

There does seem to be a prevailing idea that socialising with work colleagues is seen as unnecessary and undesirable and should only be conducted in work hours. If you don’t want to go - don’t go. I’m sure she won’t invite you next time.

i get that weekends are precious but maybe, just maybe you might enjoy yourself if you went.

Maybe she’s friendlier with others in the team and you haven’t picked up on it? Then didn’t want to leave people out.

As others have said, just say no thanks. Nothing wrong with her inviting people.

Any pressure you are feeling is coming from yourself.

Just say you are busy, it's not a big deal.

You dont have to go! Its sn invitation. Its a nice idea frankly. But, you are under no obligation.

nice of her to try and develop the relationships a bit more. Some of my best mates are colleagues but if you prefer not to go, dont go

YANBU but isn't it sad that she considers you all to be closer friends than you are? I'd let her down gently and suggest a workday lunch.

It's an invitation, you don't have to go. However, what a miserable bunch of people on MN, not wanting to do anything outside of work hours. She obviously looks upon you all as friends but you can't possibly put yourself out to go for a meal. Maybe she wants to get to know everyone better, and no, it's not "self indulgent".

Reply "Happy to do something on a work day/after the office, but I cannot do weekends"

Easy. Why a thread? To feel superior?

I’d suggest going after work on Friday, as I’m busy over the weekends.

why do you not want to spend time away from your family?
treat yourself

Does she feel closer to you guys than the other way around perhaps? It’s odd to suggest a birthday celebration with people you barely know.

‘Oh, I’m so sorry-I can’t make that date. If you are celebrating with a drink after work though, I’m up for that!’

I'd suggest after work for a few drinks. Wouldn't go for a meal unless I knew them well and met them outside of work.

Don’t go if it doesn’t suit you. By the sounds of it weekends work better if people are working from home, it’s not like popping to the pub after the end of a day. My office is 30 miles away, I’d struggle to get to an event near there in the evening if I had been working from home during the day.

I met half of my closest friends through work in my 20s. My current workplace isn’t very sociable and there are lots of different working patterns and WFH. It could be a coincidence, but it’s the least cohesive team I’ve ever worked in with very poor communication. It’s hard to know if it’s a symptom or an effect.

I work for a fully remote business.
We could never meet like you do as we are all over the world.
However, there are still non-work social connections. Little side chats between individuals or non work chat at the beginning or ending of meetings.
I do feel that if we were nearer to each other yet still all wfh, a suggestion to meet for birthday drinks wouldn’t be met with such bafflement. We spend a lot of time at work, you don’t need to be friends, but to not feel any sort of connections outside of the work you do is a shame.
As PP wonders, how do you know she hasn’t got a closer relationship with your other colleagues?

Don't any of you ever do anything for yourselves? Never go out with friends on a weekend evening? Or do you spend every weekend doing 'precious family time'

It's one night. I'd go.

I would say that I couldn’t make that date and then suggest after work drinks and that you’ll book something up or arrange a staff room party. It really depends on the dynamic and the working relationships you all have.

I couldn't be bothered with this outside work. They are my colleagues not friends and I don't do social group stuff anyway.

How bizarre that so many people don’t regard colleagues as friends in any way. I have met some of my closest friends through work. I’d have no hesitation in going and I’d even suggest to the others we club together for a nice gift.

Nice of her to ask you.
Can't you just politely decline?
I think you view your relationship in a different way to her.