To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

Exactly this!

Nailed it and that’s exactly the context.

I can beat this level of entitlement.

Years ago when I was fresh out of university, I worked minimum wage at an office. The CEO’s PA announced via email that there will be an annual teams dinner to celebrate the progress made over the previous 12 months. This dinner would be held in the evening outside of work hours, and we had to pay for the set menu dinner upfront ourselves (public sector company, but still). She also left details of how to make payment. I replied explaining I wasn’t sure if I could make it (in reality I could not afford it) but I’d let her know if I can as soon as possible.

Shortly afterwards it was my birthday, and my mum
posted me a big warm winter coat from oversees as a present. I posted a photo of myself on a walk in this big coat and captioned it “new jacket”. I had CEO’s PA and other colleagues on FB at the time, and PA comment “So you can afford a new jacket but you can’t pay for your work’s meal 🙂”

I had stern words with her the following day and she never spoke to me again.

I wouldn’t go on a Saturday unless I was really good friends with a colleague. I am only good enough friends with 2 people. Anyone else I’d go after work. If is difficult to become friendly when you wfh.

Hmmm the subtlety has evaded you
There are only 5 in the group as per the Op
If they decline she wont have her birthday celebration
Its subtle pressure

Honestly, you're not wrong at all, asking WFH colleagues who aren't even friends to give up a precious Saturday evening for a birthday dinner is a huge ask. Weekends are sacred, especially when you work full-time, and mixing work boundaries with personal weekend time for people you don't talk to outside of direct work tasks feels pretty tone-deaf. The easiest way out without causing unnecessary drama is to polite-decline with a soft, undeniable excuse. Just tell her something like, "Happy early 50th! Unfortunately, I already have weekend plans that I can't reschedule, but I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating." If you want to keep the peace and be nice, you could offer to buy her a coffee or a quick drink during the workweek.

Actually, I agree with most here that I would not want to go. BUT there are so many posts on MN about how difficult it is to make friends after 40-50 that I can’t help wondering if in fact she doesn’t have anyone else to celebrate with. Which isn’t your problem obviously, but it is quite sad.

Thank you, this is exactly it.

Is it really that "bizzare" to not want to spend my weekends with people I don't really know? Ok then.

I had the same with a colleague’s 40th, also on a Saturday and in her house. I think she was quite lonely and was the annoying office attention-seeker. I didn’t go. I said I had family commitments at weekends.

Given you don't all know each other well, I'd find this odd. I'd imagine no one probably wants to go and is waiting for the first excuse so they can piggy back off it. Issue is if you all say busy "x weekend" she might suggest another.
I'd say I have other commitments at the weekend unfortunately but what about lunch at work (or something, if you want to that is)