To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

I would say no to this.

I tend to ignore all social occasions outside working hours with colleagues anyway.

Unless she is a friend as well as a colleague I see no reason to spend my weekend with a team member.

Seems like an odd thing to suggest if you're not already friendly and it has a high potential to be a bit awkward if only a couple of people end up going.

Although I do also think the MN aversion to being friendly with work colleagues is weird and perhaps there should be more effort to get to know each other eg meeting up in person a few times a year with social time included.

In the old days before home working people would have gone out in their lunchbreak or straight after work. It's a shame we've lost all that.

You don't have to be best friends with your colleagues or socialise extensively with them but work is a pleasanter place if you can at least get to know your colleagues as people.

Of course you don't have to go to this Saturday event but I think your colleague is trying to do a nice thing and certainly isn't being unreasonable to ask people.

Whatever you do, don't say you'll go and then make an excuse at the last minute. If you're not going, decline the invitation as soon as possible.

Yeah, as I heard once on here 'Not on my time, not on my dime'.

Yes I think this too. Maybe I’ve been lucky with my workplaces but we’ve always had social occasions that have been well attended, we like each other, have evenings out pretty regularly even now we mostly WFH. I would go as I like being out and talking to people and a few hours on a Sat isn’t a big deal for me.

Politely decline saying you have a clash and wish her a lovely birthday celebration. No need for any ill will over it.

I would go but I like my colleagues. We don’t socialise out of work but we have worked together for a lot of years ( in excess of 20) so we are close in a weird way.

There is no reason for you to feel obligated to go.

I agree with @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack — say no if you don’t want to go. Don’t behave as if she’s done something deeply inconsiderate purely by inviting you.

I don't think there is any obligation to go. Probably she should have suggested an evening. But it's a nice thought and a bit sad people feel like this about socialising with work colleagues.

She obviously considers you all friends as well as collleagues. I would go if I could - unless I really didn't like her - and treat it the same as an invite from a friend. I have friends at work...

It’s not miserable to not want to spend time with people you work with on your day off and have to pay in excess of £40 for a meal. I have friends I struggle to see so I’d prefer to prioritise those relationships.

It’s not self indulgent of her just because you don’t want to go. She can suggest whatever she wants and those who want to go can do so, you can simply decline. You are placing far too much importance on yourself here by saying you feel ‘obligated’ and that it ‘adds pressure’ due to it being a small number. Just say you can’t go and crack on doing whatever you would usually do. She is absolutely not being unreasonable to ask though. If it was someone or something else that you wanted to attend you wouldn’t be asking the question. The issue here is you don’t want to go but for some weird reason seem to think you have to.

But that's you placing that pressure on yourself.
Just politely decline. It's a complete non-issue.

The thread is to see if I’m the exception to think it’s a bit odd. Nothing to do with superiority how bizarre.

I agree that for some reason a large amount of people on MN think being friends with colleagues is something to be avoided at all costs. I’ve read threads in the past where someone suggested making friends at work and most people said it was ridiculous and why would ANYONE want to be friends with people at work. I don’t really get that myself. I’ve made friends in almost all my jobs over the years. I’m still friends with my old manager from my first ever job from when I was 18. That was 25 years ago now. In my current job we have semi regular work days out. So we do a lunch for everyone’s birthday which is on a working day. Sometimes if someone is off they will still come in for it. We then do a Christmas secret Santa thing after work on an evening. We then have the normal Christmas “party” (for us it’s just an activity and meal on a Saturday). Then we have two random days out on Saturdays during the year. Last year it was someone’s 50th so we all went out for a whole day out for it. Again on a Saturday. No one is forced to go. But I would say attendance is 90% most of the time. Ages of us span from 22 to 64. I love the fact we all get on so well. It makes work so much nicer. Maybe it’s because we all work in an office and not from home so we don’t find it weird to spend time with each other.

I wouldn’t go, a lunch during work time maybe nice but not a weekend meal, unless they were also a friend out of work

I’ve got friends from my very first job in 1992.
Even some people I’ve never met I keep in touch with via WhatsApp.
It’s a positive for me.

Just say thank you very much, lovely idea, but you have something else on. Others may want to go and that's fine too. She sees this as a celebration with friends and you see it as a work commitment, which is a little sad but can happen. It's certainly unfair to be offended by the invitation.

Why the need for every thread to have the word 'expect' in the title

I dont expect anything if I want to go i go if not I dont

And why on earth do you expect people to change what they do because you cant say no?

Someone you work with has invited you out for a meal OP and you think that's 'self indulgent'?

I think that's a really strange way to look at it actually.

It's not that people don't want to do things out of work hours, it's that they want to do their own things out of work hours, not work related things.

When colleagues don't physically work together, they are far less likely to build up real friendships, so of course very few people are going to want to go to something like this. It is pretty self-indulgent to ask a bunch of people who aren't your friends to spend money attending your 50th birthday on one of their days off. If you need or want your work colleagues to be your social circle you need to look for in office work, not WFH, and put plenty of effort into those relationships.

I would say thank you for the invitation but you are busy at the weekend.
It's nice of her to invite you but you don't have to accept.

Just another thought: you say you all work from home so don't have much chance to get to know each other. Perhaps that's exactly why she's invited you all? Maybe she's looking to build better relationships with her colleagues and her birthday is a convenient excuse to do that.
You are not obligated in any way but I don't think it's odd in the slightest for her to have asked.

I'm another person whose best friends have been met through work and who finds the MN aversion to socialising with anyone who isn't family bizarre.

I find it very sad that people’s first thought on being invited to an evening out is that it’s self-indulgent on the part of the inviter. What an unpleasant perspective to have on life generally. If someone invites me to spend time with them, even if I don’t want to go, I feel nice that someone values my company and wants to see me. I can’t imagine being so offended almost by an invitation.

So it’s not a formal work event , just someone being friendly and suggesting a social meet up ? What is the world coming to that we can’t suggest meeting up and building relationships and friendships ?