To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

[Makkka]

To think suggesting a 50th birthday meal with work colleagues is a bit self indulgent? They aren’t friends, there’s no contact or communication out of work and everyone works from home so don’t really get anytime to get to know each other.

A lady in the office has suggested she’d like everyone in the team (so 5/6 people) to do this for her birthday and she wants it to be on a Saturday but when people work full time then weekends are precious.

She’s married so not like she’s all alone. Would you go even though you don’t want to? Feel obligated to

It's their 'honesty' that is the miserable thing!

Yeah thats what people always say when trying to manipulate others
Selfish/ miserable etc

I would politely decline
End of

I like my colleagues and happily spend a weekend away with them on a team outing - but spending my Sat night at their b’day surrounded by their family? Nah thanks.

I treat my team to lunch twice a year. But we go during the work day. I wouldn’t want to do it outside of work time.

Good grief there are some right grumpy feckers on here. And self indulgent to want to celebrate your birthday with colleagues...? WTF?

Don't go if you don't want to, no-one is forcing you. As has been said it's an invitation not a summons! It's just a woman turning 50 who is asking her colleagues if she will come out for a meal with her to help her celebrate.

Maybe she has no other friends, maybe her husband is one of those men that doesn't do much for big birthdays, and is nonchalant about it, maybe she has young adult children who don't give a shite and haven't even got her a card. I see loads of threads on here about shit like this.

Is she really such a monster to be asking people to come out for a meal with her to celebrate her birthday? In OH MY GOD - their own time?!😱

You can hardly go in bloody works time can you? You'll be working.

I'd go. I love a good celebration, and a meal out!

Oh my days there are some right miseries on here!

I don’t think there’s any suggestion it’s with her family as well. All the OP has said is it’s with her team. She’s likely doing a family thing another day.

In 40 years EVERY type of celebration has been in work time

Birthday/ retirement/ wedding/ baby
A short lunch or afternoon tea buffet style gathering organised by others
Pressie/ card / send off
Bit of food, manager does a short speech and gives card/ gift then back to work
Ive been to many of these
Theres nothing grumpy about it at all, its very nice 😂

Yes the instant judgement of others because the original person has issues, so of course it it everyone else's fault

Stop being offended by a nice gesture! I’d make the effort- you might actually enjoy it! 😮 I’m sure she’ll buy a few drinks, you’ll get to know your colleagues in a different setting. You can forget about home life and routine for a few hours.

Why is it odd? She'd like to go out with you all for a birthday meal. That's a nice thing, surely - not odd.
The only thing odd here is you making such a deal of it. Just say something like "sorry, I can't make it, I've got plans, hope you have a nice time/birthday though."
Nobody's forcing you to go.

This response is MN to a tee for me.

Some bizarre, bizarre people

Well that is extremely unusual, for every celebration to be in works time, you must surely know that. Never happened in any job I have ever worked in, you are extremely fortunate.

I don't think people are miserable feckers for not wanting to go, as people are entitled to say no of course, it's the whole attitude (from the OP especially) that this woman is some kind of entitled monster for asking work colleagues to come out with her to celebrate her 50th birthday. IN THEIR OWN TIME! 😱

Never heard such ludicrousness. IME no-one has celebrations in works time, although clearly, it happens seeing as every single celebration in YOUR workplace is in works time! 🙄

This is a highly unpleasant post.

No, we did 50th birthday lunches on a working day at a venue near to work.

I agree @KaleidoscopeSmile What a vile post from @Crunchymum suggesting the woman in question is deranged for having the TEMERITY to ask work colleagues out for a social get together for her 50th birthday.

The use of deranged?

I just said in another post I accept that was a very strong term. I apologise for causing offence by using it.

Trouble is, they all appear to wfh, possibly not all geographically close, so travel might be involved.

I just tell colleagues I don’t socialise outside of work, I’d rather be at home and i don't care if I’m seen as antisocial, because I am. I think every situation is different, tho, as I’m still in touch with various colleagues from differing companies.

Okay, fair enough - deranged is a strong word - I accept that!

But my point stands. Yes she can ask but she needs to understand that people will probably so no.

😆

Fair enough, thank you for acknowledging that. x

If you aren’t friends I would say no.

Don't go out of guilt or something, OP. If you can’t or don’t want to, you don’t have to attend.

WFH opportunities at my work has made this kind social event extinct, only because people come in on their preferred days and outside of that seem busy. It was different when we were all in the office daily there was always cake or a tea on. Sometimes people would go to lunch together and Friday night was more a ‘go out for a drink’ night for those inclined to do that.

I can’t recall the last social event in my workplace. I remember though that weekend catch ups happened occasionally and I’d meet friends I’d made at work for dinner. That seems like an age ago!

‘Weekends are precious’

YABU just for that

I couldn't work out which way to vote but my response would be thank you for the suggestion (I don't call it an invitation if I am expected to pay) but no thank you.

But there's no reason whatsoever to think that people 'will probably say no'. Not everyone is the kind of Mner who thinks that weekends are Sacred 'Family Time', regards being asked to get off the sofa unless strictly necessary as an aggressive act, or thinks that colleagues, like neighbours, should be treated with distant courtesy because of Potential Drama.

They're just as likely to think 'Oh, might be nice, given that we've never had much chance to get to know one another since we WFH' or 'Well, I'm not doing anything else that night' or 'I've been thinking I need to make more effort to make friends', surely.