AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

[Roseypurple]

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

Parents like you are the reason good practitioners and teachers are leaving the profession. Last year my daughter was in a school nursery and she came out with a small red mark/bruise on her forehead, both the teacher and TA were busy at that point because several parents wanted to talk to them, it clearly wasn't a bad injury but I walked her back up to the door, waited and politely asked if she'd bumped her head, I instantly saw the pure panic in the teacher and TAs face and they started profusely apologising, one of them was supposed to walk out with her and tell me but they'd been distracted. They clearly thought I was going to kick off or complain but I told them not to worry at all, I know how much she falls/bumps her head and I wasn't going to be angry with them for being distracted by a line of parents who all needed to speak to them. Yes our children are precious to us but these teachers are trying their best in a classroom full of children, half of them with overbearing parents that they have to keep happy too. They're only human, give them a break

Massively overreacting. My toddler gets daily bruises / grazes / bumps, i don’t give it a 2nd thought. They won’t tell you who the adult is for very obvious reasons. Same if your kid gets bitten or hit they won’t tell you who; and vice versa jf your kid does it. you Need to let go a bit

Oh man can just imagine how your child will grow up. We are all thinking it and all know ‘that’ child 😆😆

Gosh I should show you the huge egg sized lump my little one got in her first week at nursery.

I’ve also had a message on the nursery app from her key worker saying ‘I’m so sorry I knicked her on the forehead with my nail and it has left a scratch!’ They proceeded to send over an accident report that didn’t provide any further detail than that. And I didn’t question it any further because it is so minor and happens so quickly/ easily that there really isn’t much more to say.

97% think YABU

Of course not. What material difference does it make if she was running or turning around on the spot? What are you going to do differently as a result of either of those actions? Make sure they don't let her run? Or turn?
And if you don't think and adult hurt your daughter on purpose, then what are you actually concerned about in their explanation? Are you worried that they don't keep accurate records and in an event of a more serious incident, this will be problematic? That I can understand. Although, it's purely hypothetical at this point.
Most likely you simply spoke to a member of staff who didn't witness the event, passed whatever sort-of matched what she's been told and referred you to the app for more details. Or the person who wrote the report on the app didn't witness the event and recorded information she's been given in short hand.
The result is still the same. Your child has negligeable "damage" and hopefully, had a nice day overall.

It was an accident that’s it. No malice
it left a tiny minor mark.
I don’t understand why you are getting so worked up about it- you said yourself you don’t think it was deliberate so what on earth do you want.
If you expect perfection then you are setting yourself and everyone up to fail.

Goodness me, something doesn’t add up and husband might go mad at them! She’s got a scratch that was an accident, she will be fine! I scratch my child by accident sometimes as they don’t really take notice of their surroundings.

Writing that stuff like that is part and parcel of going to nursery is like saying that bullying and burnout are part and parcel of being an employee of any type of workplace - do those things happen in workplaces? Absolutely. But should they be normalised and tolerated because it’s just one of those things? Thank you for all your views - this platform is not a place to judge or patronise people when they post genuine concerns - it is not a place to make conclusions of people’s character or other irrelevant comments.

But it’s totally different. in both of those scenarios there are choices being made to act maliciously, to overwork yourself etc.

Accidents are…accidents! Unintentional. Sometimes there will be actions that can be put in place to prevent an accident like that happening again. Often there won’t be because it’s the nature of working with small children who don’t have very good coordination, spatial awareness etc. staff cannot possibly hover over every child to prevent them having accidents.

But burnout and bullying are not accidents, OP. I don't get the analogy.

There is a big difference between bullying and a minor scratch. I am not convinced a minor scratch in the workplace would warrant a record in the accident book and a call to next of kin with a lengthy report of how it happened and "lessons learned".
Accidents aren't normalised. You know when they were normalised? In the 80s, 90s, 00s... where there were no such things as parent apps, daily updates, risk assessments or accident logs. You dropped your child off and, hopefully, picked them up at the end of the day. And that was it.
I remember a child froze their tongue to the metal swing when I was in nursery. I can almost guarantee you that it did not start a forensic investigation. Staff splashed some warm water to detach the child from the metal frame, we carried on playing. Her parents collected her in the evening. End of story. THAT was normalising injury. What you are describing here is not.
You have nail vs child situation here which was logged and communicated immediately. If you want to pull your child out of nursery, that's your prerogative but let's not pretend this "incident" is in any way as serious as bullying.

sigh as I said, my concern is not with the incident itself, it was that I didn’t initially understand the explanation of how it happened and it I didn’t make sense to me, that is all. My post was not about wanting a perfect nursery where toddlers don’t bump their heads or bash into eachother etc.

I'm guessing this is your first time, bumps ,scrapes, bruises of course they happen anyhow anywhere, actually half the time I've no idea probably bumping things during play aswell. Lost count of how many times me and one of the young ones have bumped heads or noses and bleeds have occurred totally by accident. It's life that's why accidents are called exactly that

I think it's very normal to be concerned.amd it'snormal.for bumps.and scraps to happen at nursery. I think the issue is that it has happened on the 1st day. If you had them in nursery for a little while and you could see the pattern of it being not that regular and you were more comfortable with the setting and staff you might feel differently. I certainly would not take her out, it's too early of a judgement to make such a drastic move. Send her in, ask for more updates. Just say, since it's her first week please can you provide more frequent updates. Then review from there which may re.assue you a bit. The good news is they are following procedure and recording it all.

I used that analogy with regards to a lot of the comments saying that bumps, bruises, knocks etc on your child is a normal part of nursery life. I’m not saying burnout/bullying is the same of accidents happening in a childcare setting - accidents in nursery are simply accidents but they should be explained clearly to avoid confusion and worry for the parent. It’s not as if you should just shrug your shoulders any time your child returns home with a bruise like “yeah, it’s just one of those things, ah well”.

Yes that’s the plan - not going to take her out - I understand and give them the benefit of the doubt - I haven’t experienced anything like this before so I think that’s why it landed differently.

Nails don't need yo be long or shsrp go cause a scratch.
It was your child that moved into the adults, not the other way round. Maybe you should be apologising for your kid headbutting their hand? 😜 😜

I think that the best thing to do is to not send your child to a childcare setting as nobody is going to be able to match your expectations.

Plus it would do the preschool staff a favour not having to deal with treading on eggshells because of those expectations.

😂😂I thought I’d be annoyed at this comment but it made me laugh.

Yes, it’s a shame I have concern if my toddler had a mark on their face when I didn’t send them into school with one - it’s unthinkable that I didn’t immediately take the first explanation at face value and how dare I ever question anything I’m ever told by the staff - whatever they say is the truth and that’s that. It’s not my role to ever question them and if they say something happened in a particular way then I should simply forget about it and move on, never questioning a single thing.

What exactly do you want?
What do you want the nursery to do?

I literally did this to my 4 year old tonight. She was in the way while I was trying to get her an ice pop out of the freezer and she didn’t have a top on as she’d taken it off to eat her (tomato based) dinner. As I tried to move her away from the freezer I accidentally caught her bare belly with my nails. She looked up at me woefully and said ‘why would you scratch me mummy?’ I felt terrible. But my point is, this stuff happens. Accidentally. All the time. Why would you or your dh be ‘fuming’? Are you implying an adult deliberately scratched your child? If not then, kindly, you need to give your head a wobble. These things happen especially in chaotic pre school settings.