AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

[Roseypurple]

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

No but the post that you have created on the internet for all to see gives everyone a pretty good idea🤣

OP you’ve said in one of your posts that you have scratched your own toddler without realising. Presumably you then couldn’t give and extremely detailed account of what actually happened?

also the 2 accounts aren’t necessarily contradictory. Maybe your daughter was standing in line and turned round/moved and caught her hand on an adults nail. Bearing in mind it’s likely to be a line of hyper toddlers not used to standing still in a line like little robots. It’s likely chaos!!

you’ve said yourself you don’t believe it was deliberate, therefore, why does it matter EXACTLY what happened.

Two people described the same extremely minor incident slightly differently. Does that help.

I would let it go this time. If there are any other incidents then you should be concerned. Today being the first day, children not knowing the routine, staying in line, facing forward, etc.
I would bet that the staff member is sorry for the scratch. She’s probably worried sick waiting for the parents in the morning. Don’t let your DH go if he’s going to lose control.

Sigh. As a teacher I accidentally stand on children, knock them with my arm, trip over them all the time. It happens in a large room with lots of children. There’s probably about 20 minor injuries a day in my classroom. Someone accidentally knocked with a whiteboard, drawer closed on a finger, knocked heads in the cloakroom.

Yes this is the approach I was going to take.

Maybe they have CCTV? You could ask them to review that

What are you doing whilst toddler is in nursery? I think you may have too much time on your hands giving this so much thought. What are you going to do when she gets bitten or whacked? Toddlers are feral so strap in! Your DH's reaction is actually really concerning.

Yes I completely get this - I also coincidentally work with children part time as a volunteer - from toddler age up to 6 years old. It does get busy but we don’t ever injure the kids accidentally. I don’t really understand why this has become so normalised? Why is it so easy to knock kids over and or scratch them or run into them?

Gosh, I love how you’re telling me about how toddlers behave - I already know how feral they can get.

Both you and your husband sound like people who thrive off conflict and making people feel intimidated and small. What has happened to your child today is really a non-issue. An accident. Nobody needs to go on trial to explain how this minuscule scratch appeared on your child’s face. It was an accident and as much as you are not sending your child in to get injured, the staff aren’t going in to work intending to scratch children.

You have yourself provided the evidence on this thread that you are a nit-picky parent and you are forensically investigating it by dissecting the language used by staff in person and on the app. I have drawn no inferences. The only opinion I have on the matter is based on the information you have provided. Yet, despite the language you have used, you think the incident worthy of opinions from strangers.

Not one poster has said you should pursue either of your suggested options - withdrawing her from the setting or waiting for a more detailed explanation.

I remember when a little boy took a large bite of DD’s arm in play school, she was so tiny and vulnerable. I wanted to bite the little savage back, I didn’t. She’s nearly 18 now, no longterm harm.

I’ve caught my own kids and other people’s kids (I am a Girlguiding leader so often surrounded by 4-7yos who just randomly appear out of nowhere) with my hand before and my nail has scratched them slightly. It happens so quickly that I probably couldn’t set out exactly what happened either, but it’s easily done if one appears behind you when you are turning round.

Gently, I wouldn't give this another second of thought. I picked up DD2 once when she was 3 and they were very apologetic (and baffled) as she had a red mark on her head and no one had any idea where it had come from, she hadn’t cried or remarked on it, and even asking her she had no idea where it came from 🤷‍♀️ Sometimes these things just happen.

Being concerned about your child means you’re thriving on conflict?

Yes, thanks, I’ve already let it go.

This. Get a grip for Christ's sake. If this is all it takes to concern you, you're about to have a couple of decades of extremely high blood pressure.

This isn’t normal and healthy concern. Your husband is fuming and you want more detailed answers. You are both bonkers.

The scratch itself isn't an issue. Your child is going to get bruises and scratches weekly in the preschool or nursery setting. It's basically a room full of small people who have a tragically underdeveloped sense of empathy and consideration for others.

The illiteracy or the obfuscation of the circumstances by the author of the report is a problem.

Nursery staff shouldn't have nails long enough to scratch a child accidentally. Nor should they wear jewellery with prominent stones or sharp points (engagement rings, for example), or clothing or footwear with sharp studs.

Inability to write a literate report using standard English, that accurately conveys the facts of any given incident goes with the territory 90% of the time.

I'd ask the nursery if there are rules about nail length or jewellery and if not why not, as preschool age children are very physical/ move around, lose their balance, knock each other over, and are bound to bump into staff occasionally too, or need quick restraining by staff.

Nobody sets out to accidentally hurt a kid and it’s quite likely you and your colleagues have accidentally hurt many children but you just don’t know about it because understandably nobody (the parents or children) thinks it’s a big deal and probably doesn’t even notice it and it’s not something people even think reportable-worthy. A lovely student came running round the corner of the corridor at full speed today without looking and bashed into me quite hard. I just got a “So sorry Miss!” Before he ran off again. He probably got a small bruise or scratch from the impact but he’s not reporting me! For what?!

And it’s not becoming more prevalent or normalised. Quite the opposite. In fact poor schools and nurseries are having to be hyper vigilant and incident log or tell parents about everything for completely normal, insignificant incidents that are just the swings and arrows of going through life as a child in a building with people. Even so much as ten years ago, nobody would care about this whereas nowadays Mumsnet is full of parents handwringing about stuff like this. When I was younger, no parent would be slightly bothered if their child came home with cuts or scrapes doing normal children things or having normal interactions with others. I’d be mortified if some poor nursery worker was ringing me up to tell me my toddler bumped into her. I wouldn’t care about anything less than his limb hanging off! He’s a kid. Kids are meant to get bumped. That’s being a kid.

I am glad you agree because that is likely a very good explanation. These things happen. I have been moving my hand at the same time as A child moved and scratched them. I have very short nails but they have soft skin and if it catches a certain angle then there's a little scratch. I don't think this is a hill worth dying on. The preschool are much less likely to believe you when there may be a genuine problem and think, "Uh oh, there they go again!".

Save your stress and 'scenes' for real problems.

What do you mean why is it so easy? You literally said in an earlier post that you’ve scratched your own children accidentally before. So you know how easy it can be.

There are many many welfare requirement notices issued to nurseries that are not publicly available for parents to see. There have been issues of neglect and abuse in nurseries. There have also been deaths in nurseries. In pretty much all cases, there were prior warnings signs and concerns raised.

If anything doesn't feel right to you, you are entitled to ask questions. That could be done as simply as an email to say "my dc came back with a scratch on her first day - please can you spare a few minutes to chat to me and clarify what happened so I fully understand." Easy.

What a load of rubbish! It's not being normalised at all. Schools now have to tell parents every little thing that happens to their children, when I was at school a scratch wouldn't have even been mentioned! I also doubt none of you ever injure or hurt the kids accidentally. I keep my nails short, but there are still times when I've accidentally scratched my kids, stood on their foot, knocked something onto them, and I only have three. I imagine in a busy nursery with ecited people it must happen more. You really are overreacting, it's ridiculous.