AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

[Roseypurple]

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

If it was a major injury than maybe this reaction would be reasonable but since it's so minor and small it definitely feels like you're both overreacting. It's highly likely that they really don't know what happened and that's why the stories don't add up. I doubt they're trying to hide anything. They have so many kids to watch and stuff like this is bound to happen and the teachers may not always know how or have many more details to give you. The teacher you asked probably didn't know more information and was trying to get all the kids home with their parents and that's why they rushed you out.

If your daughter seems fine and unbothered by it all I think it's best to just get over it and send her back. If she keeps getting hurt then maybe you might be justified in getting upset but honestly a little knick really isn't worth this much energy for you and your husband.

To be so anxious about this that she doesn’t want her going back to nursery is also dramatic. It’s not healthy for parents or children when parents overreact the way they are doing. Life is full of tiny blips. You just get on with it.

So...... what is there to question? If they say it was an accident and you believe it was an accident..... what else is there to talk to them about? Why are you spending so much energy obsessing over the supposed inconsistencies of what they told you over such a small scratch that you believe was an accident? What more do you want them to tell you? Why is your husband wanting to go make a scene over something that you believe was an accident?

You both sound exhausting.

Your husband sounds awful. If he is “fuming “ over this he has a long road ahead of him .

Have you seen it yourself?

You are being very defensive OP
you came on here asking for advice
You have been given advice
And you are challenging it and getting upset with posters because they are not agreeing with you

In your own words "it was a small superficial mark"... and you didn't even see it until you got home!
If it's actually a massive gash, then I suggest you update your OP so people can make informed judgements.

No, I just read your OP which said "small superficial mark" but obviously you want this to be more so good luck with that.

Enjoy tomorrow morning at nursery complaining about this 😂

What I’m trying to say is I understand accidents happen obviously but what happened to taking due diligence? It’s important to try to be careful and risk assessments exist for a reason - like when I referred to accidentally scratching my own kid, I ensured my nails remained short and not sharp to ensure it wouldn’t ever happen again at least as far as I could manage it. This whole normalisation of kids going to school and getting scratched, bumps, knocks and all sorts is fair but please don’t try to make it seem like it’s perfectly fine to constantly deal with and we should just expect and accept it as a “part and parcel” of nursery.

Is this some type of joke to you or something?

It is part and parcel of going to nursery. It is part and parcel of having a small child. You do know this because you have scratched your child yourself.

I didn’t write that. I looked at it as soon as we picked my child up. Where are you getting this additional info from?

I think you should remove your child from this setting, you are never going to be satisfied with the care.

Your OP. "When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened".
Copied and pasted. Goodness me.

This is what you said: When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened.

That doesn’t confirm that I didn’t look at it at the setting either. It just confirms that I also looked at it at home. Analysing where/when I looked at it is a bit strange.

You are massively over reacting. The explanation makes sense and you couldn't see the mark until you got home and describe it as superficial so why are you making a drama? People are not named in incident/accident reports it will always just say "someone" that does not mean randoms are wandering through as you seem to imply. I am amazed you work with young children and cannot understand how this happened

No, I’m not getting upset. I’ve read the advice. I didn’t ask anyone to agree with me. I posted it because I wanted to see other perspectives, not because I believe that the perspectives are correct or that I’m going to listen to them. Everyone is entitled to their own perspective. It doesn’t mean it’s right for me.

Constantly 🤣

How can you even question the nursery’s inconsistency when you write completely contradictory statements yourself? You don’t say, for example; “when I got home and looked in my bag I found a snake in there” and then expect people to understand that you had also looked in your bag half an hour earlier and seen the snake. You said you got home and saw the scratch, ie, something you hadn’t already seen.

Being amazed about how I work with young children because of my post is really confusing. Concerned parent asks for perspectives on incident at child’s school - responses around my character as a parent, my husband’s character, my volunteering role - please make it make sense. What do those other things have to do with my post?

The irony. Also saying her husband was fuming and going to go mad about it but then said he was actually only going to question it.

Bonkers. I am now convinced this is a wind up.

If you do indeed volunteer with children, surely you are well versed in safeguarding procedure? I know you say a child would never get hurt in the setting (bubble wrap museum, cotton wool factory?) where you volunteer, but you have policies you could refer to? What would a parent do if, heaven forbid, their child got a small superficial mark whilst in your care?

You’re nuts, OP!
you’re arguing with everyone because pretty much everyone disagrees with you and your DH!

you’ve argued with people who have quoted your own words to you and rather than admit your mistake, you change your tune!

your child was accidentally scratched at nursery, they told you about it, she’s fine, case closed!