AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

[Roseypurple]

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

No, I’m not implying anything like that. I’m concerned that the explanation is a bit wishy washy. I 100% understand that these things can happen - I’ve got young kids so I know how boisterous they can be and the amount of scratches and bumps they get. But the way the mark is, their explanation - it didn’t make sense. What kind of nails are causing that type of mark? I have high standards and expectations of who I’m leaving my child with - im
not expecting perfection but I don’t want my child to be injured by an adult either.

Good lord. What did I just read?! What on earth is your husband planning on doing in his scene. Maybe you should pull her out to protect what sounds like a decent nursery correctly following all safeguarding procedures from drama like this for the next few years.

In all seriousness, kindly - I get it’s horrible when they’re injured even in a minor way and it does provoke a visceral protective reaction that’s innate and uncontrolled but then you have to get a hold of yourself, appreciate that’s your parental instincts and not a rational response. Sounds like they followed due process and are very open. Unless there’s a drip feed coming they sound fine and i definitely wouldn’t pull my place over that.

This happens ALL the time - it’s obviously an accident and the explanation makes perfect sense

My DD is 2 and she is always getting minor things like being bumped, scratched, falling sometimes involving other kids and other adults. It’s par for the course at nursery!

If you pull her out for this you’ll exhaust every nursery in your area by Christmas!

The explanation seems fine to me. To be honest it’s such a minor injury they probably didn’t feel it needed a more detail explanation- although I’m not sure what else they would have put anyway?

Any type of nail can scratch skin. Have you never accidentally caught a child with your nail?
I have short natural nails and have occasionally scratched myself or a child just from having a slightly rough nail edge.

Not matter what I do with my nails, they are sharp. I keep them short and cut off the sharpest corners but the edge of them would hurt with a little pressure.

Your daughter bumped into a member of staff, she's a toddler so probably her face is at hand height. An unfortunate accident but please do not overreact.

Inconsistencies are just likely because they haven’t spent very long discussing a small scratch. Nursery staff are in my experience so busy, they wouldn’t have had a meeting about it. Ring and ask the key person or manager tomorrow if you’re concerned but honestly this is small and she will likely get more bumps and possibly bites and scratches over the coming months

Have you never accidentally caught someone with your nail? I’ve got no nails and even I have!

I actually think the note was badly written. ‘Member of staff accidentally caught X with her nail when she turned around suddenly’ sounds different to ‘member of staff scratched child’. The note you got makes it sound intentional.

I have short nails and accidentally scratched my daughter last week. It was an accident. Accidents happen.

You sound much more upset than this incident justifies. Are you OK? Is there something else going on in your life which has upset you, or is there another reason you're not happy with the nursery? Does your DH have form for overreacting or "fuming"?

I accidentally scratched my 4 year old today because he ran into me as I was turning round. I think you're massively overreacting tbh.

The appropriate reaction would be to have said whoops, gone home and forgotten all about it.

Yes I have actually accidentally scratched my toddler without even knowing, and it caused an even worse mark - the point I raised this issue is not to say that I’m expecting a perfect setting, it’s just their explanation initially didn’t make sense - as a parent I have every right to be concerned - regardless of if it’s “just one of those things” that everyone keeps alluding to. I don’t send my kid to school to get injured. My toddler’s sibling went to nursery in the past and they were highly energetic and hadn’t ever come back scratched either by another child or an adult and believe me when I tell you they don’t ever keep still. Yes I agree it may have just been a case of the incident being poorly written and as a result it caused a bit of alarm.

gently, this is an overreaction. The nurseries report wasn’t really any different to what you were verbally told. I used to work in an ASN school and I accidentally stretched a child’s cheek when they took a run and jump at me for a cuddle when I was looking the other way. It was a complete accident.

so yu totally believe it was an accident, and yet you're concerned your partner will cause a massive scene trying to get a second by second explanation. does he generally have anger issues?

it would have happened in a split second. it may well have been a ring. you've been told how both accounts are the same. pull her out and keep her home intil she's old enough to not walk into stuff

You're about to have a bad old time when your child gets bitten if this is how you're reacting to an accidental scratch!

I remember my baby throwing her head forward onto a family members nail once and having a nail shape mark in her head for a whole day. Good times.

What didn't make sense? From what you've written here it sounds quite clear.

To me the explanations added up they were just worded differently. Possibly as someone who wasn’t there was passing on the message to you. They were honest with you that an adult accidentally scratched your child, what else do you want? It seems you don’t feel your child is safe there, if you don’t, do the nursery a favour and move them as you are going to cause them so many headaches!

A tiny scratch and your husband is fuming? You’d better buckle in for school…

What are you implying happened? It was deliberate?

When I wrote “cause a scene” I don’t mean he’s going to start flipping tables or anything like that. I mean start questioning and all that stuff.

What is there to question? 😭

What questions does he have?

What exactly is your issue? Child got an accidental scratch, they told you. The end

Or do you think it was deliberate? If so change her nursery. But if you do that every time she has an accidental injury, you'll run out of nurseries before she starts school.

You're being ridiculous.

Don’t put the staff through such utter nonsense

Memory unlocked 😂. I accidentally "scratched" my toddlers on more than one occasion. Their balance and spacial awareness isn't great and they wobble about and misjudge. Sometimes happened when I was going to give them a cuddle. You're making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Well, that’s the thing, I’m not implying anything happened because I wasn’t there so I don’t know. They said she “moved” and walked into an adult’s nail or something. I certainly don’t believe it was deliberate.