Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

This doesn't seem a healthy and balanced friendship and you seem more focused on the husband as the enemy rather than being a good friend. Is it possible she has an actual drinking problem which requires support, patience and love from her family, friends and recovery organisations? Drinking problems come in all shapes and sizes and one thing you absolutely have to do if you are going through recovery for alcohol (at least at first) is avoid situations where you could fall back into drinking patterns. If you are a "drinking event" friend you might find yourself taking a backseat if your friend is changing her life and habits. Perhaps, if you genuinely want to nature this friendship and get it on a more healthy footing, maybe meeting for coffees, going to the movies or taking picnic lunches to beauty spots might be nicer than the hostility and selfishness you are showing now.

Well good for you! Although actually I can't believe that you go out drinking and clubbing and having affairs and your husband has no issues? in my 50's now but I know for a fact that my husband wouldn't like me regularly going out clubbing and getting wasted, and I wouldn't like him doing it either, as you state she still has children at home. It doesn't make either of us 'controlling'. We are just respectful to each other.

But don't you see, she does have her reason to cancel, she doesn't want to go on a boozy break.

You just need to find another friend who is able to go with you, or take your husband instead. It's paid for after all..

That is what he has said to her about me and another one of our friends. Says we act like we are 19 and he’s concerned about her safety with us 🙄. We have had a few nights out where she’s had to drop me home but that’s about it! So she’s probably gone back to him and said I’ve been dancing with other people or being a bit too wild and now he’s got this view of me because of her.

Sounds like she may be maturing and you not to the same degree. You need to accept you aren't the same age as when you met and see if you want to evolve or not.

You’re calling her an ‘adult’ as if that’s a bad thing

AT 42 !!!! 😂😂😂

She’s just not that into u anymore. Don’t blame her.

I'm not voting, because I think you're unreasonable for your attitude toward your friend, yet you're NOT unreasonable to want to end the friendship. It's not working for either of you, so better to let things cool off. You don't want to do the same things any longer. It's okay, but it means friendships either evolve or end. She paid her share. That's all she owes you. Don't make plans like this with her again if you don't want to be disappointed again, though it sounds like she's realised this for herself, now.

Stay away from her, OP.
You're not interested in her wellbeing, you're just narked that you've lost a drinking buddy.
Why is it 'boring' to say no to alcohol?
TBH, if you need alcohol to have a good time, then it's YOU that has the problem, not your friend.
Knowing that she's given up alcohol, the fact that you arranged a holiday around bars and clubs, and cannot understand why this may no longer appeal to her, makes you sound incredibly self absorbed.
Please don't try and drag her down.

You sound like the controlling one tbh.

Whatever the grand finale of this silly drip feed is, will you just get to the point please 🤣

My husband and his friends are younger at 32. We still have a very active social life and so did my friend until the last couple of years

If he's got that idea from her then maybe that's how she sees you too

Its unkind of her to agree to it and then drop you at tge last minute, whatever her reasons may be

And you think she should accompany you on a boozy weekend? Leave her alone, you muppet.

Is this a reverse?

Thank you!!

are you jealous she has other interest and freinds ??

thanks her for the money and phone round your other friends see if anyone can join you or go and have fun on your own.

I'm not having that this is a genuine situation! A wind-up, got to be.

This is not real people

"We have had a few nights out where she’s had to drop me home"

Did dhe have to drop you home because you were too drunk to get yourself home? Or did she just give you a lift?

Oh grow up @hungryowl

I was wondering the same, but it's certainly keeping us all entertained!

Could you suggest making it a non drinking weekend? Would it maybe make her more inclined to join in?

Never know these days, there are entitled buggers like this everywhere now.