Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

Why don't you go to a pottery class with her? Or for a walk?

He’s not the issue here 😂

She's given you plenty of valid reasons, and your money back. And you are being a complete bitch about her.

YABVU.

Look she just doesn't like you as a person. She's not into the same things you are and it shows so just back off and leave her be instead of making it something its not.

I was going to go to her house later and find out what’s going on in person to be honest

Why do you think she’s boring? Were you planning on a boozy weekend? I would find that boring! I’d love to go away with a mate but to do something interesting. You are not being supportive of her situation at all. Listen to what she’s telling you.

Why on earth would you think that was an appropriate way to behave?

A true friend supports their mate in their choices. You sound like you've had your nose put out of joint because she no longer wishes to carry on the way she did when she was younger. You also shouldn't comment on the state of her marriage, again, you support her choice to try and sort it out if that's what she wants, even if you don't like the husband. Preachy, factual - learn that not always people want to hear it.

You are not coming over as the type of friend she wants now and I think perhaps you have now grown apart. This happens all the time. Find new friends?

😮

Yeah you do that, I cannot wait for your update!

It’s been planned for months. Everything was fine before they started arguing and now they want to work it out I’m out of a trip! She’s also just stated she wanted a chill weekend and I’ve booked us into clubs and bars in town and she doesn’t find it appropriate. I’m fuming to be honest. I find her really selfish.

Thats just batshit stalking behaviour. Don't do that.

That really isn’t a very good idea! Leave her alone and support her from a distance.
She is ,quite rightly trying to make her marriage work .

You don't take an recovering alcoholic to bars and clubs. 😂 Is this really a real post? Surely nobody is that selfish.

you know what's going on - she's trying to stay off the drink and she's told you this but you're not listening.

Are you willing to spend the weekend without getting drunk?

No.

This is like that bloke on Instagram who asks AI a seemingly normal question and then it just gets more and more batshit, just to see what the AI will say 🤣

She's trying to work on herself and her marriage, you should be supporting her not sulking that she won't go drinking with you

This 'attitude of not wanting to come anywhere where there is alcohol' is quite normal when someone is trying to stop drinking, for whatever reason that may be. In the same way that you probably wouldn't hang around a betting shop if you were trying to give up gambling. Why put yourself in a position where temptation may be hard to resist? I think you sound like the controlling one.

We are going on a drinking based weekend. Dinners and clubs out. Her husband wants to work things out and doesn’t want her drinking round strangers whilst with me!

I still call reverse. There is no way this can he real surely?

Do you have a problem with rejection sensitivity !???

every update you give indicates this is a complete wind up

No im trying to put my point across that im fuming having been let down for something i was excited for??

It sounds to me that she is trying to make changes in her life and you are struggling to understand the changes and why.
Has her partner generally been controlling, before she decided to give up drinking?
Might it be the case that she is using her husband as an excuse for not saying she doesn't want to be around you since the affair, or when there's drink?
Does she not enjoy spending her time with him?
Are you a little jealous of the time she is spending with these other women?

I hope you find someone else to have a good weekend with.

your friend has told you she doesn't want to go. You don't seem willing to adapt the plan. Which is fine but you cant force her to go. Ask someone else instead?

which bit are you not understanding?

I’m not sure what part you’re not getting but let’s all reiterate it for you

SHE DOESNT WANT TO GO OUT TO CLUBS AND BARS

SHE DOESNT DRINK ANY MORE