AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

it's hard, my parents had a holiday home which served a similar purpose and I will be forever grateful that it enabled my children to have a really close relationship with our families that they would not otherwise have had (we live in the same country as the holiday home, most holidays have been spent there with my parents, sister, DHs family over the year and it has been fantastic).

But all good things come to an end. They were getting too old to travel there regularly, our children had grown out of family holidays and it was in a really isolated location with not a lot else around it. My parents were worrying about it lying empty for long period, and finding it stressful to deal with home maintenance, pool repairs, keeping up with the gardenetc , and they didn't want to have to starting managing and paying for a local services for a home they were visiting less frequently. They sold it last year, and we all shed a tear or two. But I'm glad they did it, it was time to simplify their lives.

I do appreciate why you are sad. But if can afford flights for your family and a cleaner you can afford something else. There are loads of cheaper UK holiday options or even a package holiday.

We went to Butlin’s and Haven this year and it was fun.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to feel as you feel but your parents don’t want it anymore and maybe will use the money on something else.

Sometimes it's not about the money. Sounds like it's a hassle and a worry for them that they don't need going into later life. Unless there is a financially beneficial way they could gift it to you without incurring taxes (you don't say where it is), it will probably be a relief for them to sell.

I'm sorry, it sounds like lots of lovely memories were made there, but what a nice foundation and commonality for your kids and their cousins to have had in their formative years.

We had a similar set-up and some truly amazing family hols. But parents age and circumstances change. The cousins all still talk fondly about their shared vacations with grandparents and family and are closer because of it.

Can you ask for a notice period so you have time for a at least one more trip? How old are your kids?

Could you and brother offer your parents say half the money for it ? They could sign over half the property and you could both manage it. This would give them some money and you and brother would have an investment .

Can you afford half of the capital gains tax?

Often older people can be quite cautious.Owning a holiday home miles away is quite a commitment really.Maybe they want to relax now and have some spare cash! You are lucky that for a long time you have had the use of this . Maybe have a look into running it with your brother ,however YABU here I think.Many people have a favourite hotel but they dont own it!

Why don't you start a new tradition of renting a big place in the UK (if that's where you live?) every summer, space for all the family to share and continue the memories.

Of course it is sad to lose access to a lovely holiday home.
However besides reducing the effort and cost for your parents of maintaining the place, it also removes (or reduces) the aggravation of international inheritance proceedings. It sounds like you and your brother will be inheriting quite a bit. Real estate is usually taxed where the real estate is, whereas cash (money in the bank) will be taxed in the country of residence of the deceased. Rules, regulations and inheritance taxes can be very different in different countries, upto the point where they contradict each other. That means you will be needing professionals (lawyers, tax consultants,...) to deal with the inheritance. So your parents selling means reducing the headache for you and your brother in the longe run.

YANBU. They should gift it to you and your brother IMO. That's what my parents did with their second home (just me, no siblings so I can get that was more straightforward) I don't understand parents who hoard wealth rather than share it with their kids. Why have children if that's your attitude to life?

So you are now in exactly the same position as people who have never had access to a holiday home abroad. Embrace the positive aspects, including the opportunity to go somewhere different.

As others have said, the cost of 3/4 flights would surely cover a week’s holiday somewhere?

You sound quite entitled tbh.

My parents had a holiday home which when they retired they lived in half the year. You must be better off than me because it’s not just flights and cleaner but food and car hire etc - we could only do it once a year. Now they are gone and we see the true expense of maintaining it - about €9k a year for insurance, bills and upkeep.

I don't understand the tax difference between selling it and gifting it to you and your brother - surely they are liable for capital gains either way. If that is the only blocker for gifting though surely you could offer to pay that

Why have children indeed if you can't host them 4 times a year for 30 years and them gift them a holiday home?
It's only what boomers deserve, the cheap hoarders that they are.

Why can’t you ask your parents why they’ve changed their minds? Perhaps they felt it would be too much of a financial responsibility for you and your brother to manage? Second homes are expensive and not every country/city enable holiday rentals. A sibling has one and we all use it. We actually divide the yearly running costs between us, which isn’t much and so he’s happy to keep it on.

I don't understand why they were originally going to let you and your brother take it over and have changed their mind.

What's the point in them keeping it if they can't go there? Even if OP and her brother were to take over the management, her parents would still bear the ultimate responsibility and costs, for something they can't use. And if they can't get there, they can't check for themselves on how it's being maintained.

Gifting to children ensures the property stays within the family and reduces liabilities, I really struggle to see why that is so problematic.

If parents are able to make their children’s lives a little easier be it access to holiday homes, paying for flights or other things why on earth would they not? I do for my children and will certainly dispose of assets in the most efficient way when the time is right in the future.

There would be capital gains tax at the point of transfer. There is no CGT at death.

You say that you know you are being unreasonable, so what is it that you want from this thread?

It's worth more than our home, which has a mortgage on it, so we definitely could not buy it from them. I looked at it today, and to go for a 2 week holiday in the same location in August next year would be £15k for the accommodation (we would then still have our usual flight costs but extra on a hire car) so unfortunately we won't be able to afford that.

I understand you are feeling sad but you should be thankful to your parents for giving you all those lovely holidays in the past. Ask to go in October half term as it's unlikely they can sell it instantly. It might take quite a while to sell in which case make theost of your next holiday as it might be the last.

we only pay for the flights and cleaner.

You do realise there are costs that come with owning a home right?

Who’s paying utilities / standing charges? What about maintenance? Local taxes / rates?

If all you pay for is a cleaner, do you not contribute towards utilities? You use it 3-4 times a year and presumably so does your brother, do you both not chip in for running costs?

You could… actually go somewhere different for a change.

Why be wealthy and grudge your children? It would be one thing if they needed this money, but they don't. The only scenario where wealthy parents shouldn't share is if the child is an alcoholic or drug addict.