AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

15k just for accommodation for a couple of weeks? Pull the other one!! What you looking at a 10 bed villa with sweeping views? You may just have to get accomodation more within your budget ie a little apartment with a balcony and a shared pool area or a basic hotel. There is no way the most basic accommodation is 15k even in summer holidays. I really want to know where it is now?!

I don't recall OP. mentioning Italy ?

It’s ok to feel sad/nostalgic about it but I think you need to realise that you’ve been so so fortunate to enjoy those free holidays for so many years. Very few people get that opportunity. So thank your lucky stars, acknowledge what’s best for your parents and move on.

I can understand how you feel, OP, I'd be sad too, even though they're obviously completely within their rights to sell it.

If the primary driver for selling is the hassle of maintenance (which is completely understandable), it seems a shame that they haven't considered renting it out using a fully managed agent. If clearing a healthy profit isn't a priority, and it would let for £15K a week (!) then surely they would be able to find an agent who would take care of literally everything, while reserving x number of weeks a year for family use.

What's stopping you from buying it? Maybe even together with your db?

From the sound of it the OP would be unable to meet half the running costs of what is obviously a sizeable house in a foreign country, if her parents gifted it to her and her brother in equal shares. Insurance on a property empty much of the time, local taxes, utilities, maintenance - all these costs add up to a considerable annual amount. I take it you wouldn't be expecting her parents to go on covering these running costs once they no longer own the property.

Too many posts to red but have you told your parents how it will impact on you and if they will reconsider.

You parents might be a bit peeved at your and your brother getting involved in their financial planning - it's a bit grabby to suggest you'll pay the CGT if they gift you the house. Who knows what they are thinking but very few people are happy about their estate planning being interfered with by their AC. OP I think you need to respect their decision.

Please read the thread. Or even just OPs.

she can’t afford to buy another house. Even shared.

After all her parents have only enabled the OP and her family to have foreign holidays 4 times a year for 30 years merely for the cost of the flights and a cleaner. How stingy of them! 🙄

You think renting out a holiday home in another country sounds hassle free? I think that's being very hopeful (deluded).

Yep - awful parents!😂

Bravo!

I have discussed it at length over the last 2 years with my parents and we had agreed on my brother and me taking over the management until now. But I find posting anonymously online lets me vent about something without the added emptional baggage of speaking to family and close friends.

Why do you like commenting on randomers posts?

Where the hell is this place that it would cost £15k for accommodation alone? Necker Island?!?

When we sold our little holiday home in NW France 3 years ago, there was CGT to pay both in France and here.

Later in life, second properties become a millstone, however much loved they were in the last. They're a financial, administrative and legal responsibility that you can do without.
Also when planning for when they're no longer here, they will probably have realised that the other country's laws on inheritance will complicate things. It could also be that it makes any care fees that either of them might need to find, much more difficult to access.

I'm probably of their age, and having had two years of a nightmare dealing with my late mother's second home and a huge legal bill, I am very much making sure that I don't leave any more complications than I have to, for my children.

So yes, I completely understand your sadness, but I also can imagine the exact logic behind their decision. The day that the sale my mum's house was completed, it was as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. One day you may well have reason to thank your parents for thinking ahead

15K for two weeks?? Where is it? The Moon?

You might get a small holiday once a year for the few thousand we pay on flights (tricky in school holidays though) but definitely nothing like the same sort of holiday, I looked those up and it would be circa £15k just for the accommodation for 2 weeks.

If it helps, I booked a three week holiday in France for my family using AirBnBs and it cost us about £2.5k including the ferry there and back. It was a fun adventure and the accommodation was lovely. We travelled around a lot and used four different AirBnBs, some modern and some historical. Why not be excited for different opportunities? You might find a place you like even more.

Have they taken proper tax advice from an accountant? They will still have to pay capital gains tax if they sell it to an unrelated party.

If they don’t use it themselves then I can understand them simplifying their estate and selling up. It does mean that you can go to different places now including places closer to home.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, you were willing to share the workload with your brother and thought this had been agreed but your parents have changed their minds (which is their right, I guess) and it doesn’t sound like they’ve really said why?

My grandparents had a second home while we were growing up, and we went on many more holidays than my parents would otherwise have been able to afford so I can understand where you’re coming from. As a parent now and not having somewhere I can take my kids for a cheap break really makes me realise even more how wonderful and lucky we were. I’d love to have a second home that my children can bring the grandchildren to, when the time comes.

Could you ask them why they’ve changed their minds, and explain what it means to you?

it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner.

And your parents had to pay all the costs of maintaining the property, as well as utilities. There would have been upkeep over the 30 years too such as renovations, repainting, new furniture, bed linens etc.
Things like this become too much when people get older. They'd be paying quite a bit a month for the house and if they didn't want to use it or weren't able to it's just money for nothing basically.
Were they letting it out to other guests too? If they were then at least they'd be getting a bit of income from it to pay for all the costs but then there's the work involved in keeping up with bookings; organizing someone who lives near the property to keep an eye on it, clean it, garden (if it has a garden), be available if guests need help on site; arranging for tradespeople to go in and repair things often at short notice if something goes wrong while guests are there.

YANBU to feel sad about it because you have a lot of happy memories but the rest of it is unreasonable. It's your parents' property and their decision. You have been extremely lucky to have free holidays there for years.
You will be able to afford a holiday but you won't be able to go 4 times a year and you will have to pick a location you can afford.

I doubt it will cost £15k unless you are trying to match it to your parents who probably got it for peanuts many years ago.

I think you need to be grateful for the long free ride and going forward, plan your holidays within your means as all people do.