AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

It will be to your parents benefit because they won't have to manage it anymore and it seems they want to be free of that responsibility. You may have agreed to take over the management but you and your brother would not be able to organise anything which requires expenditure without discussing using it with them so they would still have the burden of decision making.

It's understandable that you are sad but people cannot hold into houses forever because someone in the family has happy memories of a place. Your parents are not responsible for making it possible for your family to have several holidays a year. If you've been paying for flights 3-4 times a year you will just have to put that money towards one family holiday where you can continue to make memories with your children.

Why can't you buy it from them and have the hassle of running it? Dealing with upkeep, repairs, insurance etc?

Sorry both work full time and can buy flights out 4 times a year, eat whilst out there and pay the cleaner, course you can afford to holiday !

I fully understand where you are coming from OP.
I don't understand why they were originally going to let you and your brother take it over and have changed their mind.
I appreciate that it is their property but you state that they don't need the money.
Ultimately it is their choice but as their offspring, you and your brother taking it over would seem like a win win situation for all.

WAAAAAAY out of my price range unfortunately - it’s worth more than my house (which has a mortgage on it). They considered gifting it to my brother and I but they’ve decided against that as they would be liable for capital gains tax.

Your parents could pass it on to you and your sibling as early inheritance. If they live for a further 7 years it becomes exempt from IHT.

We can’t afford it, it’s worth more than our home

Well it benefits whoever buys it and your parents as they’ll have less responsibility. Of course you’re entitled to feel sad about it, but it’s been lovely for you for 30 years now so you’ve certainly gotten the use out of it. maybe you can have one last trip together with your parents and take loads of photos?

And, like others said, you can afford holidays just different ones. Flights are expensive and would certainly add up the same as a uk break or 1-2 overseas trips a year instead of four. We don’t manage to fly overseas every year and have had some lovely family holidays.

Could you and your DB be able to pay the capital gains tax on it?

Presumably they are very wealthy if they won’t ever need the money from the sale for care when care home fees can easily total £80k a year. You will inherit a great amount of wealth which is a HUGE privilege and means you’ll have more money now because you won’t be worrying about how to find a pension etc or looking down the barrel of working until you die. You’ve already had three decades of free holidays.

Buy it off them?!

They will have to pay CGT when they sell it. Of course if they gave it to you they would also have to pay CGT bit have no sale proceeds to pay it from

I understand why you’re upset, but you’ve been incredibly fortunate to holiday 3/4 times a year in an unaffordable location. Thank them, go on a final holiday and plan your own finances for cheaper holidays.

My ILs sold their place. It wasn’t about getting the money. They wanted to be free of the ongoing expenses and most importantly the work. It is a huge amount of administrative and physical work to maintain a holiday home.

You would just show up and enjoy a holiday. Your ILs had to be there for maintenance and upkeep.

Ours would have sold it to us for a very fair price, but none of us were in the position to take on the actual responsibilities and ongoing costs.

If you can afford to fly as a family 3-4 times a year then you can probably still afford some sort of holiday.

They're not unreasonable to sell, you're not unreasonable to be sad about it. Don't guilt trip them though.

Forgive me if my sympathy is limited. In over 20 years of parenting our family has had a total of two holidays abroad as we just can't afford it. You've had a good run.

You don't usually pay CGT on something you gift because you don't make any gains on something you give away for free. Selling it for cash though will make a potentially taxable gain.

I'm not sure their tax understanding is correct although overseas assets are complex because different countries have different rules.

Can't you offer to pay the CGT for them?

There are lots of addtional hassles owning a property abroad... upkeep, cleaning, maintenance, local taxes etc.

At their time of life it is understandable they would like to shed these responsibilities.

I think you have to look back with gratitude for what you have had, and put the 4x air fair costs towards a holiday in UK each year.

why dont you pay the CGT ?

Yes you do pay CGT on gifting in the UK. Don't know about overseas assets though.

No, you aren't unreasonable for feeling upset.

You'd be unreasonable if you tried to stop them or threw a tantrum.

I don't buy that you can't afford ANY sort of holiday if you're flying out abroad that many times a year, albeit you don't have the accommodation costs at the moment. That's unreasonable.

No chance of buying it from them?

Could you & your brother pay the CGT?

But you'd have to pay 50% of the running costs & it sounds as though you can't afford that.

It’s sad when something is ‘the end of an era’

How does your brother feel about this? Does he use it a lot too?

If he is equally on board can you have another go at suggesting you and he take over all management, responsibility and admin?

But I assume there are costs and overheads, utilities, maintenance, insurance etc. can you and your brother afford that?

Better that they sell it now than you and your brother having the hassle of selling a property overseas in future when one or both of your parents have passed away. In the long term they are doing you a favour.

OP, my family had the same situation. Parents owned a holiday home in Spain for 25 years and when they weren't using it, my sibling and I were free to holiday there with our own families, which we did regularly. Parents were getting older and decided to sell up. It was sad for a bit, the house was lovely, but there are other places in the world we want to see so we got over it. I still remember it fondly, though.