AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

Why on earth don’t they gift it to you and your brother so that it then sits outside of their estate.

You have stated that they do not need the money day to day so far more prudent to transfer ownership unless it is in France which is a whole other level of difficulty.

It is time to have the frank discussion initially with your brother and then with your parents as to inheritance planning.

I would be upset too. Completely understandable.

However, you need to get a sense of perspective on this. You've had loads of really good holidays and made brilliant memories. Lots and lots and LOTS of people don't get that. Time to have a change.

You can afford holidays if you can fly abroad 3-4 times a year by the way. You know this.

Quite - seems far more practical.

You've had 30 years of a free holiday, wete you hoping this would be indefinite so your children, grandchildren could also benefit? Do you parents ever go there or just you and your brother. If you both work hard long hours how do you manage to get away 4 times a year.

It's highly probable that your parents are 'tidying' up their affairs as they are ageing. Focus on the good fortune and happy memories you have gained from the last thirty years. Tell your parents you understand and thank them for all the holidays you have enjoyed there. Move forward.

If it’s Spain there are laws that involve house inheritance. When you die, your children pay inheritance tax that’s due within 6 months. You have to pay it. They won’t wait for the house to sell.
My elderly relatives sold their house in Spain for this reason as they didn’t want to put their kids in that position.

If you can't afford a holiday without the free holiday home, how would you be able to absorb the ongoing costs of it? Or do you want your parents to keep paying? That's pretty unreasonable.

A lot depends on the country at issue re CGT implications.

Could you jointly cover the running costs with your brother?

Gift it? Why should they, maybe they should have paid for all the flights too on top of the 120 free holidays. .

How much CGT would be required for this ?

surely they can transfer it to you as an inheritance and you pay the tax and keep it in the family

Have you told them how you feel?

If you can afford flights and a cleaner plus the general expenses of having a holiday 3-4 times a year, then surely you can afford a holiday 1-2 times a year?

I did think MN couldn't get any more entitled but I was wrong.
30 years of free holidays 4 times a year still not enough.

Don't forget that the laws and financial regulations of the country concerned are also involved here, with CGT payable in both countries on a second home. DH & I owned a small holiday home in NW France for over 20 years - bought as a shell and slowly renovated. It was in my name, because it was the fulfilment of a long-held dream. We sold it 3 years ago because we could no longer deal with the maintenance and because of the complications that would have ensued if I had died still owning it. I think the OP's parents are being sensible, even though it will be hard for her to see it go.

I can understand why you are upset, sounds as though you have some lovely memories to look back upon.

Sadly if you can't afford to buy it off them and they are not going to hand it over to you and your brother to manage there probably isn't much you can do about it. As the saying goes 'All good things come to an end'

Many of us can't afford yearly holidays, come over and join the club.

Plus the upkeep, do you contribute financially to the running costs?

I wonder how much of the maintenance, upkeep and administration you and your brother offered to do!

Buy it from them ?
or go halves with your brother and buy it ?
they could sell it for a nominal small amount ?

I disagree with the majority here. I don’t think you are unreasonable to be upset.

You have said you cannot afford to buy it. But could you afford to reimburse them the CGT if they transfer it to you and your brother?

Alternatively could you have a really candid conversation explaining how deeply this affects you.

I do really feel for you.

It is sad if it means a lot to you but in a way perhaps it's best sold now whilst they can deal with it rather than someone else having to sort it out further down the line. My very elderly parents refuse to get rid of anything, property and contents and it's going to be a real ball ache when they do die. They just day oh we are too old to deal with anything. That's not exactly what they mean...

It costs a lot to keep a big property going - you have the usual bills plus repairs. If it is old the brickwork will need repainting etc, the roof needs maintenance. I guess you probably wouldn't want these ongoing costs?

I can see why it is sad, but be grateful for the happy memories and now think about how you will create new ones. If you can afford 4x family flights each year you can definitely afford holidays. Try the UK or driving to northern France/Belgium/NL/Ireland. As kids get older they love exploring new places.

Stop thinking of the upset and think how lucky you and your family have been to have had lovely holidays. Of course, you can afford holidays stop the pity party. You come across selfish and spoilt but you know that.

Agree with this. Can you beg them to at least seek some tax advice on if there are ways they could pass ownership without triggering significant costs now. Explain how meaningful it is for you and how you and your brother will happily take on the maintenance.

unfortunately with your very highly demanding jobs, you may find it’s more than you can manage too. I have seen a lot of this with friends recently and the kids (middle aged themselves in busy jobs) don’t have time to spend the first week of every holiday sorting out repairs and maintenance, and the older parents can’t face it anymore.

but it’s worth being very honest with your parents how much it means to you and if they will work with you to preserve it by any means possible.

Could you not ask them if they will consider keeping it and you take over the upkeep? I do understand that it is subject to capital gains tax in the future though as a 2nd property. We are going through something similar ourselves and will end up owing the government in excess of £100 000 when they die.
It is very expensive for ground rents etc if they live in a gated community and can be stressful with bills so I do sympathise . A shame the money is just going to sit in an account doing nothing though.

I’m sure if you can afford flights three or four times a year you’ll be able to afford one holiday?

It’s disappointing, I can appreciate that but you’ll need to recognise that your have been extremely fortunate to have had so many very cheap holidays at times to suit you without a thought as to cost.