Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

[Nmiddleofnowhere]

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

Depends on if (for example): (1) he bought an air fryer that he says needs but you'll never use because you hardly ever fry anything and are happy to use a frying pan if you do. (2) He bought an air fryer because he forgot you already have one or because he liked this new one slightly better. (3) He bought a painting of an air fryer and you find it ugly and don't even want it in the loo. (4) He bought a fryadoodle (air fryer-poodle hybrid) and you know from past experience that he will expect you to feed and walk it. And so on.

What's "normal" depends on what the established norms are for your relationship, either stated or mutually understood. If he didn't violate some rule like "check on any joint purchases over £10 then I'd let it go this time (if you can't persuade him to return it) and see if the two of you can agree on firmer ad more explicit rules going forward.

Controlling much?? 🙄

All this over a heated airer...bloody hell he's not wrong that you sound controlling.

YABU

Do you have nothing more important going on in your life?

Jesus Wept.

YABU
Imagine he gave out to you over spending £40 on something you wanted for the house like decor I assume

Gasp, the horror, the shock, my slothy two toes clutching my pearls

A heated air dryer

As long as he's the one putting the clothes up on it and taking them down I wouldn't mind the purchase

I love my heated airer. Great for drying sheets! It'll grow on you @Nmiddleofnowhere

I buy small stuff for the house without asking DH, and vice versa.

My only "rule" for DH (and me) is to have a clear idea about it's purpose and also where it's going to live. Don't bring anything into the house that is ultimately going to become "clutter" and end up being taken to a charity shop in 12 months time.

Larger purchases we would chat about, but £40? This is fine.

Edited to say I have seen the item was a heated airer. As long as my "rule" hasn't been broken and there is a place for it to live when not in use, then what's the issue? It's nice he is taking an interest in the laundry process.

I couldn't get worked up about a £40 purchase.

I might have had a quiet little tantrum if it was household furnishings that I wasn't keen on (My husband absolutely wouldn't buy household items though)

Lawnmowers, cars, tv's etc are his domain.

I love my heated airer too. I have a normal airer and a tumble dryer but the heated airer is brilliant, especially in winter.

This was a let down, op.

He’s right, you are controlling. Who gets worked up over £40?

Seems a bit of an overreaction, but I guess that might depend on how hard up you are for cash. £40 can be a hell of a lot to some people. So maybe it is important to the OP.

I love my heated airer. I have a normal one and a drier but the heated one is fab.

YABVU. He’s an adult. He’s allowed to make purchases without your permission. And fwiw, I have one and love it. It’s a good buy.

A heated drying rack sounds like an ok purchase, especially if he's going to hang out the laundry on it himself (or can convince the DCs). Is it cheaper to run than the tumble dryer? Scrooges everywhere want to know :)

If you're otherwise solvent, £40 shouldn't break the bank but it is a few drinks at the pub/a takeaway. How else might you have spent it?

@Createausername1970 has a good position on this.

i thought they were a lot more than 40! Sounds like a bargain 😂

I had one which I'm.orettybsure cost three times that amount and it was useless. I gave it away. I'm not sure I'd be annoyed that he bought it, but I don't think it's going to be much use tbh

mentioning it or asking your permission?

It's clearly not about the fact they cannot afford it or that would be the focus of the OPs frustration. Being annoyed about someone making a perfectly reasonable purchase and feeling there should be discussion whenever the joint account is used, so the OP can veto purchases is incredibly controlling behaviour.

Does he do laundry? If he bought it “for you” then yeah I’d be annoyed. If you both do laundry I can’t see the big deal really for £40

So a practical thing that you both can use. You are def being very unreasonable, controlling and smothering. Tell him you're sorry and that ofcourse he can buy whatever he want.

I’m surprised how many posters have said the heated airers are good. I do have an ordinary one, and if I need things to dry a bit quicker, I switch on a little fan heater, aimed at the laundry. Even on the cold setting, it works brilliantly, and no need for an extra airer to store.