To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

Obviously we aren’t extending right now. I meant it’s a possibility for the future

We don’t want a big extravagant wedding so the money we would save from that can be used elsewhere.

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5,

That may be true but you don't have to fill that time and space with a baby.

Don't you want to do things in life for yourself? Just enjoy the children you have growing up?

What would baby number 5 give you that baby number 4 didn't?

Those are the questions I would be asking myself.

stick with 4,maybe look into work outside the family home.

Why on earth would you want 5 kids before you're 30?

But as long as you're funding this yourself, do what you like. You don't seem to have answered that. Child benefit is not means tested so I guess we'll be paying for that at the least.

It sounds like my personal idea of hell and there’s no actual need for a 5th child but at least your husband works, so there’s that. If you want it, go for it?

I would think very carefully about whether or not I’d want to be a single parent to 5 children. It always seems like a remote possibility until it isn’t and it’s something to consider.

Why?

OK so you can’t afford 5 teenagers then. I think you need to give your head a wobble.

Raising a 5 children family is a job. Harder than many white collar administrator "jobs" that bring nothing to the economy.

It’s lovely that you enjoy having babies but there are other ways to feel fulfilled in life such as having interests and hobbies of your own outside of family life.
I wonder if you’ll ever feel quite satisfied even after baby 5 unless you replace the emptiness you’re trying to fill by having more and more.
This shouldn’t just be about what you and your husband want, it should be about what’s best for the whole family and whether stretching yourselves so thinly between so many children is really a selfless decision.

Does any of your other kids have any SEN.

@TrueViper

I was very broody. I had 3 DC and was desperate for another.
I loved being pregnant, breastfeeding-the whole baby thing.

I realised that I would never be completely satisfied-that I would always, deep down, yearn for just one more.
And that itch would probably never go away.

So I accepted that I had 3 wonderful children and set out to give them a fantastic life.

Op I have 4. I never felt done. Not even now I am well past being able to have more. I'd love another baby. Dh however was done after number 4 so we stuck with 4.

Our youngest have just finished university and in truth the last 10 years of constantly having one in uni (technically we still have 1 in uni as one is doing her Masters) has completely floored us financially made harder by dhs wages going down due to poor health yet the assessments being done on previous years income and due to that our children got the lowest grants (until no 4 2nd year)

I'd would still have adored and loved and would still want a 5th. However with my logical head on I can also see that for us 4 was a good place to stop. Doesnt change the longing for one more

For now if I was you I would take the advice I was given when my youngest left primary school. Take a year out and then reassess where you want to be.

If in 1 years time you still both want another go ahead. But you may find that longing has eased off a little and that you feel like actually yes I want another but ai also want the life we have right now.

I'm curious to know where you live that you can afford a 4 bed house on one mid level income. Other than Magic Land.

Also nobody can really give a reply because you've not given a reasoning for wanting 5 children. What's your reason? Why do you feel 4 isn't enough?

Also, have you thought about whether your present children would like to be one of 5?

I was one of three and my parents were always around/involved and I still felt like I didn't get enough attention as a teen (as a child I was pretty happy). Other families of three or four children say the same - and research suggests children of larger families have worse life outcomes than those from smaller families.

But ultimately it's your choice! Worth bearing in mind that this will impact your other kids though, and they will get less attention as a result.

So you're not married and you don't work. I hope your name is on the mortgage and deeds of the house. And there are some watertight wills in place.

Firefighter is a very high risk job as well. You sounds like you live in La La land.

I was about to post a similar response.

OP why have you had so many children without getting married first?

And they have afforded a 4 bed house on a firefighters wage before they are 30?
Chinny reckon.

Why do you say these kids are not going to uni?

By the way, just to say 5 children is a lot of work and every family has its own balance. A couple of surgeons might only have space for raising one child. A person with physical or mental health issues might not have any resources for raising a family. A young person with no high flying impactful career aspirations like OP? - that might be the best choice for a meaningful life. Way better than pushing papers in an office. Only she knows if she truly has resource for another baby, but sounds like she does.

Wow you must be very rich to consider having 5 children.

Then I see your husband partner is a firefighter. I didn't realise that paid so much.

Do you realise what situation you could be in if you split up ? you have very few legal rights.

Only you can decide that size of family for you but one thing I would say (as others have done) is don’t underestimate how tricky the teenage years can be.

With 4 children, you are likely to have at least 1 very tricky teenager in your house. They suck up all your time and energy and cause so much stress.

My kids were a doddle when they were in primary school and I’ve had it relatively easy in the teenage years compared to some people but it has still been way harder than I could have imagined.

If you can afford 5 children go for it.

In your shoes with 4 healthy children, I would count my blessings and call it a day. Focus your time and energy on the children you already have rather than stretch 🤷

I think you've got an awful lot on your plate.
If you are being honest about not wanting a girl then what would another baby boy give you that 4 others don't? (Maybe not the ideal way to put it but you know what I mean).

Also think of your other children. If they don't get on at school you will take them out and homeschool again. Put another baby in the mix and I don't see how this is fair on anyone.

You have 4 healthy children. Quit whilst your ahead and enjoy them.

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