To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

Why do you want so many children? Or is it just babies that you’re besotted by?

Do you have academic qualifications inc. a degree?
Are you qualified to homeschool 4 kids?
Are you working?

Teenagers and college age kids are a lot more expensive than pre-schoolers so can you realistically afford another child?

Do you rely on the older children to ‘help out’?

In the current environmental, economic and political climate, I personally believe having that many children is reckless AF, regardless of income, so on that basis I’d say YABU.

Is there a religious aspect to this? It reads a bit like that, with your ages and homeschooling, too. You've decided already, though.

What will five children bring you that four children doesn’t?

Yup. And parents and grannies in total denial about the resentment and the impact it has - it's always a financial struggle,shared resources in every sense from mum's attention to new shoes, being forced (no choice at all no matter what the carers claim) to take over parenting duties and never having the freedom of friends from smaller families.

But OP had made her mind up before she posted the thread. She just wanted validation too.

I`ll tell you who is paying for it US lot.

OP, you’re 28! You had your first child at 20! Don’t you want to explore other aspects of adult life more? Having a career? Hobbies and interests? Travel?
@TrueViper

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5,

They have never been to school so you have no idea yet what is going to be like, what your time is going to be like and what you will be able to handle. Give it at least a year and see how you feel then.

How many bedrooms do you have? Have you ever had a job?

And laughing at these uni comments. These kids aren't going to uni.

This warrants further thought op. Little children are easy. It’s hard when your kids have their own minds.

And as about her financial situation, by the way, as a higher rate taxpayer (who gets no child benefit, btw - for my several kids) - I'd rather my taxes fund her fifth child than a childless couple retirement in Spain.

I’ve not decided to do it anyway. I was answering questions people have asked

To answer more questions-

We live in a 4 bed but could also be a 5th if we didn’t have a separate play room. Also could have a loft conversion in the future which could give us another room. Right now older 2 have their own rooms and younger 2 share.

Partner works FT as a firefighter and I stay home with the DC but I also help my brother out with his business so I pack orders and earn some money from that sometimes

The DC wouldn’t be unpaid babysitters, we never expect them to do anything like that, they’re our children not ours the most they do is play with them like any other siblings would

What does your partner do for a living? And how many bedrooms do you have?
Supporting 4 kids sounds hard enough without adding another one .

No, I'd rather she got a job.

@BuddyForeigner

why would your taxes fund a child free couples move to Spain? They would fund that themselves (and good luck to them! 🌞)

No one needs five children. It’s ridiculous. If you end up divorced or widowed - and it happens on here a lot - five children on your own is too much to handle. And people who it happens to always say, oh but we can’t do anything about it now. Well you can now.

Plus we can’t afford to subsidise your five children. And no it’s extremely unlikely you are paying enough taxes to what they will cost in schooling, child benefit, NHS etc. to cover five children.

Be cautious.

I gave birth to our 4th in September last year.

I feel so happy and blessed to have her.

But it's been such a struggle for me and my husband.

Not financially, but very hard to meet everyone's need, the needs of very young children.

I don't regret her at all - but you only realise you had too many children after the baby is already there.

I would go for it. I love large families and if I was in a position to have 5 children I would happily have 5.

4 kids on a firefighters wage? Ok then.

Im sorry op i just dont buy what you are saying.

You actually have it backwards...
UK has a demographic time bomb in it's hands. We need young people to fund the pensioners. If we don't birth them we will need to import them form other countries. Currently people seem to realise that this latter solution isn't the magic bullet.
People are stuck wanting easy life and material things that don't in reality bring them happiness.

You're not alone.....

Yes, and talking about extenstions, how can they afford all that on a firefighters wage lol.

Just to say, it would be hard to meet the emotional needs of 4 people, let alone 5. But your craving for a baby outweighs everything, doesn't it.

Because they receive state pension. Funded by my and your taxes. Not the taxes they themselves paid.

How do you envisage your life beyond being the mother to small children @TrueViper ? Do you think there's a chance you are thinking about another child because you're scared about what comes next? (No need to answer on the thread btw, just something to think about).