To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

Definitely not

Hence why I wrote unemployed instead of 'doesn't work'.

YABU. This is pure hormones talking. You have four children already.

I'm childfree and I resent the idea that someone is having my "allocation" so they can have as many as they want. Especially when one of the reasons I didn't have any was worries about overpopulation. I'm not championing someone having 5 when I didn't have any.

You can have all the money and space in the world but I genuinely do not believe that two parents can give 5 children the care, attention and time that they need. Its so much easier when they are young. Feed them, hug them, taxi them but wait till they are teenagers. They need so much more. I"ve seen big families go very wrong at this point. Its asking for mental health problems. Sorry if that upsets children from bigger families and I know there are exceptions.

I agree. Even if it's only one teen out of the five who has a wobble, it's a massive amount of work and support. It's more likely to be more than one!

Anything more than three seems insane to me tbh as I know a lot of three kids families and they are chaotic, busy and they never have enough time for anything. Three kids is the limit you can have to be able to care for each child, to pay attention to them and to spend enough of your recourses to make sure they grow up happy.

Five kids with very small age difference is insane.

Can you imagine when they're 16, 14, 12, 10 and 8?!
That's a lot of work.

As someone else mentioned upthread, a certain number of children is required to maintain a stable society. Apart from anything else, young people are needed in the workforce to earn enough to generate enough tax income to pay pensions, apart from all the other government spending.

Although that might be changing with the growth of AI and robotics, and the possible introduction of UBI for large numbers of the working population.

She's not unemployed though is she? She has a job. It's just an unpaid job. Shes a full-time mother. I volunteer 24/7 as a cat and kitten fosterer for my local rescue. It's an unpaid role. I still have a job though.

Don't be thick. She's literally unemployed. An employer does not employ her. Women can be full time mothers and be full time on the checkouts at Aldi or be a Dr.

tbf you could maybe say she is a seasonal worker for her brother but it doesn't sound like she's on a formal payroll.

A value judgment/people's perceptions of SAHMs is a different conversation.

As a mother of two with considerable help I can’t even fathom how you can possibly give your children sufficient attention when you’re trying to home school 3 and raise a baby at same time. Let your kids go to school. Focus your energies on your younger ones. Surely you don’t need another?

Unless they pop out 5 kids …

It’s called universal credit

Along with the costs of actually running a 4 bed house … mortgage might be paid but what about council tax, gas, electric, water, maintenance … the list is endless!

The world is experiencing overpopulation, wars, climate change and general destabilisation but by all means bring another child into it just because you feel like it.

Yes but since when does a fireman earn enough to support 4 kids in a 4 bed house?!?

Why though? What would a fifth baby bring to your life apart from extra expense/stress?

hilarious 😂 I guess we all know your stance on SAHPs then, don't we? 🙄

No, they are not jobs!
She is a SAHM … that’s not a job, it’s a life decision. I have a paid job and am still a mother, only have one job.
You have a volunteering position.

oh absolutely. I'm not arguing with that.

No, you literally don't.

If you are not employed, you aren't an employee. You have an unpaid role, but presumably there is some sort of contract? Don't believe when you have a child a contract is signed and you can take your "employer" to a tribunal if they don't fulfil their side? There'd be a lot more happy women if that was the case!

If you choose to see that as some sort of value judgement against a parent who doesn't also have a job that's your issue. But it is fact.

Agree to disagree then. SAHP do far more parenting than you do if you also have a full time role. Both are valid roles. I don't just volunteer a few hours a week in my local charity shop. I have litters of kittens in my home, I drive them to the vets, I give them medication or bottle feed them. I videocall prospective adoptees, I write up posts for socials and take photos/videos. I welcome people into my home to meet the kittens. I spend hours messaging them & talking them through the process of adoption. This is literally my job at the moment. It just happens to be unpaid. The UK would grind to a halt btw if volunteers suddenly stopped volunteering. What do you do to support your local community in a voluntary capacity I wonder? I also have 2 DC.

Jeez you're unhinged. I'm not bothering anymore.

This is very good advice.