To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

You say yourself your last pregnancy was tough and you have struggled
Why have another and mske life harder for.yourself?

Four is enough.

Stick to four.

You're so young, how would you be sure number 4 was the last and you didn't want a baby at 30 or 33 or 35 etc? Can you wait a few years and reevaluate your circumstances then?

Five is a lot of children but if you are in a housing and financial position to meet their needs until adulthood then I guess it's down to considering the family impact of another baby. I wouldn't risk it

I think you're done. It's almost like you're trying to convince yourself that you should have another or could cope with another now. Most threads like this are people who have a real longing for another but sensibly know it would be too much, you seem the opposite. I think 4 is a lot of children in this world and you're still very young to have 4 already imo

I would 100% wait. Let the children settle into school, get used to the new routine of school runs, extra clubs and play dates, homework and so on. Winter will bring new bugs and illnesses and you still will have the younger two at home full time presumably?

That’s assuming you have the space, finances, support and limitless energy to have another child? And a likely difficult pregnancy. And if you are someone who loves to have a baby where does it stop? At what point will the older children suffer from getting less and less attention?

So lots of questions but no doubt you have considered them.

I suppose if you have the space and can afford it, then it’s entirely up to you!

Four teenagers is expensive and hard enough. Why five?

4/5 x mobile phones
4/5 x laptops
4/5 x GCSEs
4/5 A levels or equivalent
4/5 potential UCAS applications and financial support through university
4/5 teenage emotional issues (friendships, bullying, relationships)

Have you thought ahead this far? Older children need you far more emotionally than small children when a simple kiss and a hug makes everything better.

Do you have space and resources for 5 teenage boys? You say you want a baby - is it the baby bit you want or an actual child? I don't see any point to so many children myself, but your family, your choice.

It’s obviously all up to you, you’d be doing absolutely nothing wrong having another child, but honestly there’s nothing at all in your post that make me think this would be a good choice for you, and I kind of feel like that’s how you feel too. Lots of cons, with no(?) real pros.
I suppose a plus point is that you’re still very young. You don’t need to make that final call right now.

The thought of five teenagers is 1000000% more than many families could handle
i wouldn’t - four is already a large family

I would wait and see how the oldest settle in school.
Are you planning on home schooling the 4 year old? What are the plans for nursery for the infant?

I assume you already have a large 7 seater car so transport wouldn't need adapting, but what about housing? How are rooms currently shared?

You also say the kids are quite social and knowing others from football, so already with 4 kids potentially have a lot of running around to do taking them to clubs on different nights or at different times.

What would happen if this pregnancy left you bed bound? What support do you have? Could you afford to have help if needed?

I also think it would be an odd number of children, at the moment the gaps work well with them being able to pair off with a similar aged sibling.

I suppose if I were you I’d think practically, financially, space wise in house/car, what you want life to look like holidays/trips etc, is all of that doable with another child? And also, what would another child add? Think about why you really want one, because they aren’t babies forever and 5 teenagers, boys or girls, will be a lot. 5 sets of driving lessons potentially, 5 sets of cars/insurance/bus passes/transport, 5 sets of university funding and top ups, 5 teenagers who at some stage do end up needing support whether emotionally or financially

Also to add, as someone else has pointed out is it just the stage of having a baby you like?

I wonder with the thought of the older ones wanting to go to school whether this has triggered you to want a baby so you have a child always at home with you.

You have plenty of time age wise so why not wait for a while. The last pregnancy was difficult the next could be worse, you could have a baby with health issues, you might find it more difficult with two in school that you thought, really anything can happen. And yes teen years can be really difficult. I am from a big family and have 5 myself, honestly, four is plenty.

If you can afford it and have the means to comfortably house five children and subsequently five teenagers/young adults then that’s up to you I suppose.
Apart from multiple births such as twins etc, I don’t understand why anyone would want to bring that many children into an already struggling world but that’s just me.
Do you actually want another child, or is it just the baby that you’re missing? Also, if you’re totally honest with yourself, do you secretly yearn for a girl?

What s your financial situation (now and future eg pension)?
Housing? Vehicle? Do you live in cheap area?
What if child is disabled? Or you have complications?

You need a lot of resources of time, money & energy for 5 children.
Do you feel you have that?
Does your husband also want a 5th child?

Are you financially independent/own your own house? Being unmarried you are vulnerable if dependent on your boyfriend in any way.
Four kids is huge already, why do you want another?

I’m not really understanding your reasoning? Do you actually want another child? You talk about your pregnancy being hard, balancing your 4th baby with your other children being hard and the only real comment on another baby is “If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5” which doesn’t really sound like enthusiasm or a reason to have another child.

This is what id like to know.
Some get more in child benefit and UC topups than what i do working.

I really don’t know how anyone has 5 kids . But regardless you have time on your side and there is no need to rush into anything . You could have another in a few years and it would be way less stressful .

I don’t understand your rationale to be honest. Going forward, 5 teens is ALOT. However, if you can offer them good housing space, time and meet their needs, go for it.

What does your husband think? Do you work OP?