To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

A million times yes to all this.

Four will be hideously expensive, esp in the uni years. Don’t make it five or they will lose out.

How many bedrooms have you got?
Is there actually room for another child?

How are people supporting 4-5 children in this economy?! Unless very well off

Have another if you have the means / are willing to risk another tough pregnancy. I don’t know why you’re asking really, it’s your life and decision to make.

I'm astounded at people considering a fifth child in this world and economy. Is it not enough of a task to support the four existing children to adulthood? Especially without resorting to parentifying the older children along the way.

YABU.

OP not returning, yawn.

Are you hoping for a girl?
Is that what's behind this?

@TrueViper I had four children and it was hard work. I worked full time once the last baby was a year old. Mine were much more spaced out than yours, though. My eldest was twelve when the youngest was born.

I wouldn't have had room for a fifth baby.

The last pregnancy was difficult but also my partner broke his collarbone then had to have surgery so he couldn't do a lot (which he hated) during recovery so I had to look after him and our children. We always wanted a big family and we did agree to wanting a another baby and didn't feel done but we agreed to talk more and try later in the year. But homeschooling become difficult with our youngest just wanting to be in everything then we had 2 sickness bugs in the space of a month so when I had the pregnancy scare the following month I did think maybe I didnt want another but now time has gone on I do.

It’s not just the baby I want, my older 2 (and 3 to some extent) are bigger now and I love seeing their personalities and having proper conversations with them etc. I do spend 1:1 time with them all and take the older 2 out alone together (they are close and love spending time together) or just them. The older 3 also get time with one of us when we take them to their football club

My older 2 are going to school which is their choice, and i’m happy they want to try it, my children are doing great with their education and are ahead in some things like reading, DS2 struggled with maths a bit when we began homeschooling and got frustrated but he’s doing well now. Younger 2 are staying home this year but I am homeschooling DS3, he doesn’t legally have to be in school until next year as he’s not 5 until february but we will carry on as we are with making it fun

We don’t really want a huge age gap if say we waited even 5 years and TTC August 2031 (just an example) and got pregnant straight away the DC would be 14, 12, 10 and 8 and we would be way past the baby/toddler stage and we would be starting again and I think that child would be quite lonely as they wouldn’t have a sibling close in age growing up

Im not wanting another just for a girl and I knew I’d have those sorts of comments, I heard it all through my last pregnancy as only me and DP knew what we were having lI feel like we would have another boy regardless but that’s fine even if I had a girl she may not be girly anyway so im happy with my boys, im not fussed having about a girl but if I was to have one obviously id love her i just dont think it would happen and I wouldnt be disappointed if it didnt

Although the physical sleep deprivation and supervision demands of looking after a baby/toddler is really tough. As they get older they still need a lot and possibly more of my mental load as they get older. Practical side like the lifts to different clubs, the weekend sports activities for different ages. The emotional support and supervision teens need through exams and school dramas. And the stress on parents generally as they naturally become more independent but you worry about where they are and if all ok, making nice friends and good choices. Being on hand when needed to support.

I wouldnt be adding any more.

You don't mention anything about your financial situation.

This sounds lovely but you must know you and your circle are well off and this isn’t possible for most people in the current economic climate?

Ok, you've listened to nothing, have decided to do it anyway, but were hoping for lots of back patting on the thread.

You avoided a poll because you knew what it would say.

Good luck.

Op do you claim benefits or are you both working.

I actually find it very difficult to listen/read people saying ‘I’m thinking about having a 3rd, 4th, 5th etc baby’. Wasn’t an option for me and I dare say it is for the majority of working parents who have to stick to one or two children. I’d put this kind of question in the same category as questions such as ‘AIBU to consider buying a few extra acres for my horse to frolick in?’ Or ‘AIBU to want to buy a holiday home before I’m 40, rather than after?’

I see your avoiding mentioning your financial situation! Are you wealthy as frankly to raise 4/5 children in today's economy you'd need to be or are you expecting the state to fund all these children

I have 4 sons. After the 4th was born, I thought about having another, but I decided to shelve the idea for 2 years, and if I still wanted one then, to revisit it. I never did because I reckoned that if I really wanted a baby I would know, rather than wondering if I should.

It can be hard to accept that any part of your life is behind you, but you are much younger than I was and you have plenty of time. My advice would be to take some time to fully recover from your pregnancies, and give youself a period of time to concentrate on other things.

Yes, studiously ignored those questions.

I think we all know the financial situation, yet i have a feeling op will say they are both very high earners, and dont claim a penny.

No. Just stick to four.
I am constantly amazed that people feel they have the time, energy and finances for huge families.
Think of your existing children and the impact another pregnancy, and another sibling wil have on their lives.

Five kids? YAB totally U. Why on earth would you?

Unless you're very wealthy or living on benefits how will you afford it? The world is getting more dangerous and far more expensive

The kids are always thriving and love being part of a massive family on these threads written by the parents. Then you meet people from these large famailies who say that they actually hated it.

Who is paying for all these kids if you are 27 and 28?

Are you adequately housed / do you have room for a 5th?

So much negativity towards the idea of having a large family.
The UK actually has a falling birthrate problem. The kids of today will be stuck supporting twice as many pensioners than we currently are. All doubtlessly wanting their little comforts through their retirement. Some never even raised a child.
Maybe choosing to bring another life into the world is not by default a negative.

You wanted a big family you say - you've already done that, and got the t-shirt.

I hated it, im one of 7.