To try for baby (boy) #5?

[TrueViper]

Im 28 and my partner is 27. We have 4 boys. 8, 6 (7 in Dec), 4 and 23 months. My last pregnancy was tough and we were firmly done after he was born

Then at the start of the year we talked and we were more leaning towards baby 5 over being done but we didnt want another winter baby if we could avoid it (obviously we wouldnt have been able to fully plan) and we agreed to talk about it later in the year. We homeschool and back in January was a real struggle with homeschooling the older 2, and keeping the baby entertained he was 16 months and it was HARD because he wanted to be into everything. Also we had bug after bug and it was just not a fun time.

I then had a pregnancy scare in February that seemed to make me feel we were done but maybe because of all the stress. But now the time has gone on and I want another baby, my older 2 are going to school which is their choice so they’re starting year 4 and year 2, part of me is anxious they’ll hate it (i had bad experiences in school) but i’m happy they’re willing to try, they’re sociable children and are part of a football club and recently did a summer sports camp and we were part of a homeschooling group where we met up once a week

If they’re going to school I feel I would be able to handle baby #5, especially as there’d be over a 2.5 year age gap if we got pregnant straight away.

It’s not any of the ridiculousness about us wanting a girl as we’d likely have another boy anyway (hence the title)

WWYD?

Apologies, I misread where she said 'likely', in my head it said 'like to'!

Can you not be grateful for what you have and enjoy it.

OP isn’t married, and the partner inherited the house they live in, so if it all goes tits up then she’ll be up shit creek. No worries though, OP, crack on having more babies with no thought as to how you will provide for them should your circumstances change.

I have 2 children who are now late teens and I've had no major issues with either of them but I honestly don't understand how people have the mental capacity to have so many children.......just in the day to day of being a parent 😅

Still can't understand how they're managing to support four kids, even taking into account the house being inherited. Wild.

Judging from your posts, I can safely say I know significantly more than what appears to be poorly disguise prejudice on your part. But hey

Even if you have a huge house and a very comfortable financially, 4 kids is a lot- you are spreading yourself too thin already. You must know babies grow up, no matter how many you have? I would say concentrate on the ones you have - you can always have a late baby if you get bored herding your teenagers!

I have 2 children who are now late teens and I've had no major issues with either of them but I honestly don't understand how people have the mental capacity to have so many children.......just in the day to day of being a parent 😅

We could wait a year or so and see how our children get on at school first but neither of us want a huge age gap like I said in a pp

You have 4 already, to add to this is reckless and selfish.

In spite of the fact your partner inherited so you have no rent or mortgage, 4 boys will soon tire of hand me downs and shared old toys.

Many are projecting on here, but in 2026, unless generationally wealthy, having multiple kids to satisfy one's own need is self-centred and irresponsible.

It isn't the 1970's anymore. Children are expensive and their needs are exhaustive in modern day society. Fine if you want to go off grid and live like some present day Waltons, but these children will have growing costs, wants and needs, and your partner's fireman salary just won't cut it.

Children need laptops, phones, decent shoes and clothes - constantly, clubs, tuition, pocket money... and then there is the food. You will need an extra salary just to feed 4 teenage boys!

You didn't activate voting but absolutely YABU.

Your oldest is 8. You are utterly clueless about the amount of money, patience and time they will need as they turn into teens, and that's hoping and praying that nobody gets sick.

But more importantly - why won't your boyfriend marry you?

You seem set on having another by your replies, which is entirely your choice however I will point out that they get more expensive as they get older and require more space.
It seems one salary works for you alongside your part time work at the moment, I’ve just had to buy shoes for my 13 year old sized 10 footed child and they were expensive enough to make me wince.
Personally I would stop at 4, you have healthy children.

Yikes! You need to lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress on your head, unfortunately you’ll never have the time to do this.
Instead give yourself a shake and return to your real world where things have been hard and a struggle. It doesn’t get any easier as they grow up.

I personally think that 80 visits by the tooth fairy is quite enough for one family.

Don't talk crap. It's all housing costs.

Let's have a thought experiment.

Everyone stopped having children in England.

Fast forward 30 years.

You are retired. You have high blood pressure and arthritis. You would like to stop working and retire. Also you are diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and you would like to get it treated on the NHS, to enjoy hopefully another 10-20 years of life.

Who is funding all of this? Where is the money coming from? Who is working?

Have you got a pension?

There is something rather disquieting about men who give you with a village of children, yet offer no sincere intention of marriage.

I suppose the fixed cost of living costs aren't significantly higher for 4 children than 2 - council tax and house insurance is the same, heating and electric pretty much the same, water slightly higher maybe.
Clothes are reused 4 times, just need new shoes.
Toys are recycled.
The big difference will be food costs.

It's not necessary to spend lots of money buying lots of gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

And I would imagine that it is actually a small % of parents that can afford to pay for driving lessons (if we look at ALL parents, not just those on MN)....

you are awful.

@TrueViper You said it was difficult to homeschool the eldest two when your youngest was younger and getting into everything. That would now be sorted it they take to school. But you want to homeschool the next two. That's okay too. However, what happens if you have a fifth and they are disabled in any way at all? And they never grow out of the "getting into everything" stage? And then the older two decide they don't like school. So now you are trying to homeschool four children who will be at very different stages, whilst trying to look after the fifth. Maybe getting no sleep so you don't mentally have the capacity to juggle four timetables so now you are letting your children down at possibly a critical educational time. Then your fireman boyfriend has another accident so now you don't have another pair of hands to help homeschool four children and wrangle the needs of a fifth. And he can't work. So now you're on the breadline... And that's assuming that your boyfriend stays an amazing dad and doesn't do what so many seem to do on MN and decide that maybe it's all a bit hard work. And you never got round to getting married. So now you're out on your ear with five kids...

I realise that it may all sound a bit melodramatic and worse-case-scenario and maybe you'll have a healthy baby and you and your boyfriend will stay strong together and you will Live, Love, Laugh your way through their childhood and teenage years and they'll look back fondly on their amazing, perfect childhood. Or maybe they won't. As the saying goes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! You sound like you have a lovely life, why risk it?

on what basis? I support one teenager, one toddler on my own with one ft salary. While paying full rent in an area that is not cheap. Both attend clubs, my teenager has had private tuition to boost her GCSE results and has private therapy to help her with her emotional needs. I don’t have rich parents, a partner or even child maintenance. I work, and work hard.
if I also didn’t have to pay rent I could easily afford 2 more children. How are all you people managing your money?

OP can have my share as I have zero and we have falling birth rates.

I had 4 boys and honestly, by no. 4 the clothes we reused were pretty threadbare. And - this not being the Waltons- we found that the kids developed pretty strong opinions on what they would or would not wear within a few years. And were different sizes and shapes anyway. So yes, there can obviously be some reuse of clothes but it won't be everything and it won't be forever. And what if the OP has a girl fgs? Is she really going to dress her in her brothers old clothes for 18 years?

The other things I thought was missing from your list was the cost of holidays, days out, hobbies etc. Of course you don't have to have those things all the time but its a pretty grim life with none of them, ever.

I am not sure it matters in law if they are married or not.

He will have to support her and his children regardless.

I am baffled by the UK concept of marrying after having kids, but surely once you have a child with someone marriage is no more than a ceremony?

Yes it is normal in lots of cultures but that is why the worlds population is >8 billion and rising fast. We can't sustain it much longer.