To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

[Bezerk]

It’s my ex. I am feeling quite bitter tonight and could do with some reassurance that he won’t continue getting everything he wants…

@MageKingYeah I posted about him before. His last girlfriend before this one told his exes with younger kids about him hiding his income from CMS. He was apoplectic at them doubling his payments. Didn’t affect me as mine are adults but gave me, and a fair few on here when I posted about it, a good laugh.

my girls, to his horror, have coordinated meet ups with their siblings. I don’t have a lot to do with it but I get on well with one of his exes and I’m polite to the ex wife (I cannot completely forgive her personal cruelty to my girls when it suited her to believe him and I think she had a cheek to instantly expect me to help her out when he showed his colours)

You would think. I had exactly that and he’s went on to have two more with another unfortunate soul (she’s well matched though put it that way)
best revenge is living a good life. He’s out of ours entirely

Yanbu but focus less on him and what he wants and more on yourself.

My ex sees his kids one weekend every 6 weeks. He’s a high ranking public figure. He’s bagged himself a much much younger pretty woman…. My view, good luck to her!

More trouble than it's worth tbh. If I wanted kids I would have had my own. Not interested in someone else's kids influencing my life. Wouldnt touch a man with child-aged offspring, total dealbreaker.

I mean you were happy enough to give him 2 so I’m sure someone else will gladly give him some more, he must be quite the charmer.

🫢

Ive got 3 kids. Partner has 2. Works well for us.

That's wonderful. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Everyone is different!

Yep but you loved him when you didn't know what he was like. Now you know just be relieved not to be with him anymore and that you've protected your dcs from him.
Karma's a bitch and will get him. You might not necessarily witness it but it will happen.
Move on with your life. The years when you don't know your arse from your elbow because you're single working mum will get easier and suddenly your dcs will be all grown up. Enjoy this time.

I doubt he'll have any problem. My friend has 5 kids to her ex husband and neither she nor he had problems dating when they split. They've now both remarried other people .His wife already had one child and they've had another between them. Her husband doesn't have any children.
I don't know if it makes a difference that they were all to one long term marriage.
He had several long term relationships before he remarried none of which seemed to have any issue with him having so many children.

Wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole!

Well Carrie Johnson did ..

He won't be considered a catch by an intelligent, emotionally stable, independent woman.

But those are not the ones he goes for, are they? He goes for the low self-esteem, vulnerable women who think they are the only ones who can change him and will swallow his stories of his crazy exes who didn't understand him and don't let him see his beloved kids.

So yes, he'll get someone soon, most likely have a couple more kids with her and then move on to the next idiot.

I don’t think he will have a problem, my ex has 4 kids with me that he doesn’t see (hasnt for years) and he has no trouble meeting women

If he’s good-looking and tells a good sob-story there will always be an overly empathetic woman ready to lap it up. I can’t hate on my ex’s new squeeze (who dislikes me because she’s bought his stories about me being the crazy ex) as sadly I was once her.

All I can do is be civil but removed, confident in the knowledge that like me, eventually she will start to see that the gaps in his stories are getting too wide and too numerous to stitch together.

He’s no catch but not everyone will see that

Totally agree with others. I am on line dating and this is half the battle. Men (or anyone but in my case men) can package themselves up like a wonderful gift and present themselves and their situation however they want and you have to make a judgment call. But often these men are skilled actors and manipulators and know exactly what to say to get women to take a chance on them.

As others have said… my ex stops me, she moved away…. The most obvious ones are the ‘crazy ex’ ones of course but they are starting to realise that they have to be more clever than that. These men are the greatest showman types!

I think about how my ex (father to my DC who have now made their own minds up about him) must present himself to others. He really seems like a catch when you first meet him. Very funny, warm, interested and interesting but an abusive person to me and serial cheater. I know that I (the ex and mother of his DC) will have been used so many times as thé unreasonable one. I probably also cheated (I didn’t) , I was a terrible parent, I made access difficult (quite the opposite) and I was a nightmare.

They can say whatever they like and a strong, emotionally intelligent woman will see through it. Some will fall for all of the rubbish unfortunately. So yes he will meet someone as these men can’t be on their own and he’ll spin his yarns. Please look for the positives and think ‘thank fuck it’s not me anymore’

People only want to see what they choose and of course ignore all the red flags

Judging by threads on here, others will take a chance on him too. However, long term karma will get him. Sounds like he’s not exactly going to be having a lovely old age surrounded by friends and doting children

Then it's a good thing he doesn't see them!

DH has a friend who has 7 children by 3 different women. He married the mother of the first three, had 2 with an affair partner, who got fed up when he wouldn't divorce his wife. He then went back to his wife, who gave a home to the two DC's from the affair (mums new partner didn't want them) he then left his wife with the five dcs moved in with a very young women who he had 2 children with, left her went back to his wife!
Inevitably his marriage broke down.
DH and I went to his second wedding to a women who also had loads of kids by two different dads, fortunately as both bride and groom were older no more kids. Marriage lasted 12 months, and he has had 3 partners since then.
The current one he has been with for a few years now.He sees the 2 DC's that were abandoned by mum who are now adults.
He is not a good looking man but has a certain "something" about him, a definite "charm"? I don't know, he is not an unpleasant man, DH thinks that his behaviour is down to him being the only child of a widow, I don't agree but he's still out there and I am sure that if he splits with this partner there will be others along!

As PP say, there will always be a woman who falls for the fake sob story.

But he's never going to get everything he wants. Violent abusive selfish twats like him are always feeding an angry black hole inside that can never be sated.

Wish you the best OP. Try not to let him live rent-free in your head.

Be pleased more of your life wasn’t wasted on him.

It’s very unfortunate you had two children with him but you did, that can’t be changed. Focus on your self and giving your children a stable, secure and loving childhood. If you have a baby and a toddler it’s impossible to imagine them being independent but before you know it they’ll be at school.

He will meet someone else, he might have more children. There are plenty of women willing to be in a relationship with a waste of space either because they don’t want to be on their own or they want a baby. If he’s good looking or charming they’re even more likely to believe his ‘my ex’s were crazy’ narrative. But he has at least two ex’s with children and if he has anymore they will also be in the same position as you eventually.

He won’t change!

I would like to say no, but I’ve read too many threads on Mumsnet from the women where the underlying theme seems to be “any man is better than no man.”

However, if that’s the kind of relationship he ends up in, I wouldn’t really say that’s a happy one.

The bigger question is, why do you care? He’s obviously an ex for a reason, and he doesn’t sound like a catch to me, so just be grateful you’re away from him, focus on yourself and your kids, and stop worrying about what dead beat dad is up to.

I didn't realise there were that many men with 5 kids until I started dating online. They tend to just lie/ big up how much of a Dad they are Tbh.
But you can build a life you love ❤️ without him xx