To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

[Bezerk]

It’s my ex. I am feeling quite bitter tonight and could do with some reassurance that he won’t continue getting everything he wants…

Not sure what I have posted to make people think I’m thick but there is a massive difference between a criminal and someone who has walked away from his children.

Even ND people have the ability to reason more than ‘this person is nice to me therefore I don’t care that they murdered someone’.

It’s a moral issue if you have children with someone who has proven themselves a sub-par father as you are putting your children at risk of the same

It’s definitely a moral choice!

I will say that I judge people on who they are and how they treat me.
I think you said this.

How they treat you.

You would think not but I am continually amazed by some of the substandard men women are willing to put up with so who knows?

He will spin a story of psycho exes, stopping him from seeing his children. Peoples internal misogyny will lead them to believe him, he’ll target young women, probably in their 20s, who will think he’s a catch. Sorry OP but there it is, vile, but there it is.

Everyone judges by how people present and treat them, not just ND people.

Obviously not in MN land where people also claim to vote against their own best interests for the greater good of the country but in the real world.

Do you automatically think someone is a good person because they haven’t left their kids or been an OW?

Given the number of threads every day about friendship dilemmas and relationship issues, I don’t think it’s me that is the crap judge of people that you assume.

Why are they any worse than the OP?

Can you explain how someone who has abandoned their kids can be a decent person? Genuinely interested.

"I dont know what I did wrong" my ex wailed in January
You cut down contact
You stopped contact
You demanded and got contact of one hour twice a week
You stopped contact again
You moved away then back again years later
You never asked to see them

This is all clearly my fault and not a you problem at all!

He has also not bothered asking about them or to see them since January 🤔

And his wife and family fully believe im the problem

Why didn’t you ask more questions at the 3 children point?!!

@Anarchy99 i’m not quite sure what you mean, which bit of my post said that they were worse than the original poster?

Why do you think people would know about it? I very much doubt his dating profile says, "father of 5, but I don't see them."

The ‘father of 5’ should be enough to make women not want to date him!

Serial killers in jail receive hundreds of love letters from women. Often they get married to one of them, and sometimes even find the way to get them pregnant! I don't know why some women have that masochistic need to have relationships with the dregs of humanity, but unfortunately it is true: bad boys have no lack of suitors.

Ted Bundy was a subject of widespread hybristophilia, with many women writing him love letters and attending his trials. He got married in a courtroom and managed to father a child. All quite bizarre!

No they don't!
Whatever gave you that idea?

If that were the case, everybody would think infamous evil people shouldn't be jailed. After all, what did Peter Sutcliffe do to me?
(just using him as a reference point as he is a famous - or rather infamous-person NOT to be controversial).

You meet a child abusing piece of scum and you judge him on how he treats you? Don't be f*ing daft.

I'm sorry but most people do NOT say, 'Aye I know he did x, y, z' but he's OK to me. '
Not unless they are indeed thick as the proverbial.

Your second point about greater good is not relevant here.
I don't tend to vote for the greater good, anyway.

You are unable to grasp what I believe to be the very basic concept that this is not about saying every man who stays with his family is good.

It is about saying that those that abandon their family guilt - free are bad.

If you consider it to be a vetting process, and left family is test number one then they are eliminated at the first hurdle.

There may be other tests they fail later but you can get rid of them from the start.

The last bit about denigrating mn-ers is irrelevant.

Unfortunately he will probably target women with low self esteem if he is hot. Alternatively women who have also had shit partners previously and think it's perfectly normal to have five kids by at least two mothers.

Yes there are some very unintelligent women (and men) who have children then those children get raised to think this is normal in a relationship so either go on to do themsleves or fall for it, and sadly the cycle continues

Unless people wake up and stop it, what a legacy to leave their children

But he probably doesn't mention being a father at all, so no one is going to be put off by it.

I think that this thread is a microcosm of that.

I'm sorry if the OP is offended by this but I can't help but think 'why do you care who he dates now?'

He assaulted a toddler ffs . Why is this even a concern?

It's not even that he's a gangster who only hurts other grown men of the same ilk.

I would only date men that have no children, but before arranging a date, women could ask if the man had children.

This would be a case of it depends for me.
Adult children who he is in regular contact with and appear to think well of him but divorced? Not necessarily an issue.
Widower with small children? No reflection on his character but there might be other issues.

Man who's abandoned his small children?
No way.

The “Adult children who he is in regular contact with and appear to think well of him but divorced? Not necessarily an issue.” I would be concerned if the adult children had children. I don’t want to be around other people’s children too much.

Happiness is the best revenge, OP. So while he continues his way through failed relationships and children who refuse to see him, you can forge a wonderful new life without him. Of course there will be hard times too, like right now, but just remind yourself that even the hard times are better than life with him.
💐