To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

[Bezerk]

It’s my ex. I am feeling quite bitter tonight and could do with some reassurance that he won’t continue getting everything he wants…

Yup, it's always the "crazy ex" story and the women who take pity on them.

Don't give him any headspace . That would be a massive gift for you OP

If he has a penis there will be a woman who wants him, however he behaves. Plenty of women set very low standards for men.

My ex has 3 children, two with me and one with the woman he married (then divorced) after me. Despite having 3 children with two different women, and being maybe averagely attractive, he is never single. He has a new woman lined up before he leaves each one, and is currently engaged to a mother of two. (After barely 6 months of dating) Despite the fact that he barely sees his own children and his relationship history she somehow believes none this is his fault and obviously all his exes are psychos, and he’s a sweet kind man who’s been desperately unlucky.

There’s no limits to how gullible and desperate some women are.

Oooo I heard about a man like this very recently, he was in the process of making wife number 3 an ex, 5 kids, and sadly very handsome / charming.
I'm long enough in the tooth to see him for what he is, but sadly there will ALWAYS be another woman out there willing to help him see the error of his ways and save him from his toxic past.

I despair at the low bar some women set.

No one intelligent, sensible or decent will have him for sure but there’s probably someone not very bright and vulnerable out there who needs the validation of any male partner, despite all evidence that he’s a tw*t.

Presumably he lies as well.,

He will spin assaulting you as self defence and it was your fault the toddler got hurt because you attacked him first.

He probably won't bother mentioning the children who don't want to see him.

I outright asked a man I considered dating if he had children. He lied. Blamed his ex for cheating. Turned out he had twins and had been in another child's life her entire life (got together when his ex was pregnant to someone else). Later discovered he had been in prison for assaulting her new boyfriend.

The next woman he met, stayed with him, had a child and no surprise, he left. There will always be women who ignore the red flags, especially when attached to good looking men, and won't even bother with Clare's Law. Or just ignore what they are told like my abusive ex's wife has.

Unfortunately he likely will. Men who have the gift of the gab rarely use that skill.

My ex has two kids, now mid twenties, with me. Hasn’t seen one for 6 years and one for 2 years. I am the crazy first serious partner who trapped him. Which is interesting as we had fertility treatment (that he paid for) to have our girls…

Had three with his next partner who he married. Convinced her I was so bitter and nasty that she was actually quite horrible to my girls in terms of excluding them. Has apologised profusely now that her secondary age children were ditched by him. She was the psycho ex who “ran away” with his children and couldn’t be traced. She left their military accommodation, as she had to as it was attached to his job, and moved into the flat she owned the entire time he knew her…

Next one had one child. Didn’t know about any of his kids. Instantly ended it with him when she found out. She is the “crazy bitch” who hid her pregnancy, which was very clever of her given he attended her baby shower…

Latest girlfriend sent a letter to me telling me that I wouldn’t get away with keeping his children from him much longer… my girls are mid twenties and don’t live with me. They have their own homes in another city. Apparently he’ll be going to court for access…

It’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that someone you loved is a complete and utter arsehole. I’ve never had that before. Always parted on reasonable terms with my exes. But this one is just unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before or any of my friends have. I’ve never known anyone to cheat with prostitutes or hit a toddler or drink-drive his kids around. It’s like a soap opera.

He’s an absolutely vile human.

You did, they’ll be another gullible woman along if he talks the right talk.

Best thing you can do is forget he exists and live your life.

I know it's really hard, really hard not to be bitter at them living the high life while you're stuck with the trauma and hard work of raising children alone BUT it's better for you if you can forget about him and try your best to live a happy life with your beautiful children.

@JustAnotherWhinger have you posted about him before? You and the other ex's get on ok ans all the children have relationships with each other? Hes horrendous!!!

Op - i hate to say it, but if he had mo wy/ a good job, this pattern will just keep repeating itself. If he doesn't, there might come a point at which it is HARDER, but probably still not impossible.

I dont know if it went anywhere but I do know exBIL recently went on a couple of dates. Even without the red flags hed have been spouting (abusive ex, alienated children etc etc), I cant work out how anyone online even matched with him unless the info you provide in the profile/xhat stage is so limited or blatantly untrue simply because he hasnt worked in years (because apparently my SIL abused him so badly he has suffered wih major mental health issues), is borderline homeless, has zero interest in anything and while he was an attractive man, he looks wrecked now. But... match he did!

Latest girlfriend sent a letter to me telling me that I wouldn’t get away with keeping his children from him much longer… my girls are mid twenties and don’t live with me. They have their own homes in another city. Apparently he’ll be going to court for access…

Sorry @JustAnotherWhinger that made me laugh. Not the first time absent fathers suddenly decide they are going to pursue access for their adult children after getting a new girlfriend. This one is either dumb as rocks or he's lied about/forgotten how old his children are.

You didn’t though and there will be other women who, like you, won’t either.

Just be glad you’re away from him. Hopefully he won’t want to see the kids and you can move on.

Well, you did once upon a time and what’s 2 more 🤣

Don‘t take this the wrong way. I‘m in a similar boat and my ex found someone else to have another child with.

As PPs said many women will believe the crazy ex story. Let him have it all. Give him enough rope and eventually he may hang himself (not proverbial I may add). Focus on your kids and be glad he’s your ex.

What attracted you to a father of three and did he see those kids at that point?

I'm sure, though you can't lie about most of that (though the most serious bits you can) but even on the less serious bits he's still no catch - late 40s living with his mum, no job no money, overweight, boring as hell. I can't understand what anyone would see in him

How was a man with three kids better than a man with five kids?

You wouldn't think so but early in the days of dating my colleagues now husband decided to stop seeing his kids from his previous relationship because it was inconvenient and difficult as the kids weren't happy about his new relationship. Surprisingly my colleague was happy about this as the kids were cramping her style! To this day he still doesn't see his kids from his first marriage. She has two kids to him herself now, hopefully he doesn't get fed up with this family too!

Nothing wrong dating a man with kids

Womwn have lots of kids with men who dont see their children let alone date them

Well, I wouldn't. But then it's always amazed me that some men seem to have tons of kids from different women, yet the women seem to fight over him-I particularly remember a man who looked about 50 who was definitely not what most would call conventionally attractive who was going on about finding younger women as "I've only got 3 sons, most of my kids are girls and I want an even number".
You might say it's none of my business, but I'm one of the folk paying for these kids he doesn't even look after! I suppose childbearing takes it out of us, not the men (apologies to the decent blokes who stay with the mum of their kids).

There's plenty a mumsnetter that would be glad of him lol.

There is nothing ‘right’ about dating a man with kids for me!