To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

[Bezerk]

It’s my ex. I am feeling quite bitter tonight and could do with some reassurance that he won’t continue getting everything he wants…

This is an excellent video from Justin Owens on the issue.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaqzWxgO4FI/

Yup, I was victim of one of these men, too.

Never again

I really can’t understand why a woman would date a man who had 3 children, let alone 5. It’s a HUGE red flag!

On bail for assault? Of course nobody sane would date him!

You think he will be telling women this?

Its really hard, I struggled with this at first. That he could go about his carefree life paying for dates while I was alone with our 11 month old, in tonnes of debt he left me in, not a penny from him, getting no sleep, grieiving for him/the relationship/the future while also solo parenting. It does get easier. I am now so relieved he has no interest in his child and has left us alone. I pity his girlfriend, and the one who will be after her, and after her... And i am the winner, as i have got my beautiful boy. You will get there too, i promise you. Its been 11 months for me and the change is huge.

Sadly that's the answer. Some women lose all common sense when the bloke is "hot". It's exactly why the "hot" blokes never struggle to find their next victim.

I had a brief stint on dating apps about 11 years ago, before I met my now husband by just bumping into him by accident in real life :) There were some real tossers out there. One of the guys who was interested in me seemed really nice, he was Irish, quite good looking, seemed quite smart. And then I read his bio properly and saw he had an ex wife and seven kids.

I'm surprised he admitted that up front to be honest, but maybe he didn't see the problem, or figured he'd have to talk about it at some point anyway.

And I thought, I just bet she's sitting there struggling while he's off partying and trying to line up another woman. And I thought, what sort of a man leaves 7 children without a father? And I thought, fuck off. And that was that.

Common sense and logic goes out of the window. Some will blindly believe every lie they're told if the guy is "hot" and believe that all his exes were psychos and that he'd spend loads more time and money on his kids if only his exes would let him! Some women, sadly, just go for the "bad" boys at whatever age.

I wouldn’t hold your breath OP. I know of a bloke with two older kids that he doesn’t send to school, is in temp accommodation, deals drugs and has no legitimate money. Women are queuing up to have kids with him. In fact two already have. He doesn’t stay with any of these women. Just moves onto the next. What a life for all those kids born into such disadvantage.

From personal experience, if such a man manages to find a vulnerable woman at exactly the right time, he can get her to believe anything. The man I fell for only had 2 children he didn't see because his "psycho ex kept them from him" and he "couldn't afford to take her to court". I sympathised and agreed with him and that I thought he was wonderful and didn't deserve what she had put him through.
At the time it was just me and two small kids. I was having a hard time adjusting to parenthood and had mental health problems.

Over the course of a year, I did come to see the truth it. I had previously worked within the legal profession and knew plenty of family lawyers who would have been happy to have given him a pro bono consultation. I even offered to pay for him to go to court. At first he was keen, but then kept making excuse after excuse, and I couldn't understand why he wasn't taking this opportunity to get to see his kids.
But, like a muppet, I continued seeing him.
He was gorgeous and he was nice to my kids, and I was surprised he was interested in me at all.
Other things cropped up which seemed off, and then a friend I hadn't seen for a while saw i was seeing him and filled me in on the truth. His ex was not a psycho, she was a thoroughly lovely, normal woman, and he wasn't interested in seeing his kids.

This was about 10 years ago, and I feel so monumentally stupid. Behind every "psychotic" ex is the man who made her that way.

Even my own father managed to bag himself a gorgeous young wife (much younger than me) despite the fact I hardly see him because he's such a twat, and the 2 children from his second marriage have completely disowned him. They've had 2 children together and I don't know what the hell he's done to her, because she's a shell of a woman.

If its any consolation I don't think my dad, or the man I was seeing, are happy. Not truly. I don't think they ever will be. When my dad drunk calls me, he always says that the biggest mistake he ever made was leaving my mum.

Sounds like he has plenty of free time, is good looking, and is charming (abusers generally are).
He will most definitely find a desperado who is happy to listen to all his woes; empathise with the awfulness he's suffered from his crazy exes, blah blah blah.

I'd suggest you find some support in moving forward; instead of waiting to be upset by tales of his new and 'happy' relationship.

Sad but true!

This. Some desperate sad sap of a women will fall for him...

Women like myself? No chance, wouldn't entertain anyone that had 5 kids or even 3 kids.

No decent woman will. I'm sure there will be low class women who are interested.

They do.
What is more is that these men can commit truly heinous, criminal things and the women will remain sexually obsessed and jealous. Wondering what he's up to.
I'm not talking about 'only' being a lazy, irresponsible bum here.
I'm taking about heinous, criminal activity.

If he moves on to another woman, there will be another low life to take his place eventually.

It's the children I feel sorry for.

There will always, sadly, be someone who has low enough self esteem to think he is what they deserve.

Yes he will meet someone else and make himself sound like angel and all he wants in life is to see his kids and everyone else is the problem and he’s desperate to be a real dad.

They will then have a baby because she thinks she is the one that it will all work out for and he is absolutely not the problem and the cycle begins again.

Sadly seen this play out a couple of times, just with women I know in my life.

I agree but as unsavoury as it is the fact is that some women actively find criminals attractive.

This man to my mind is a criminal, he's not 'just' a lazy, irresponsible but harmless bum.

He was 'fitted up' or it was mistaken identity. Some bs excuse that people will believe

You have to look at it in another way OP.

It is okay to have some thoughts of "he will land his arse in the butter" moments. Look at how many threads here confirm that.

BUT

You cannot keep at these thoughts. Yes it is hard with two small children doing this all alone. But is is 100% better than you parenting them with him around, while all the abuse and other shit is still happening.

You reap what you sow OP. There is a very high chance that you will have an amazing relationship with your children right into adulthood, and he won't. He may be out partying, getting lots of girlfriends etc etc, but think about what is more important here. Having you and your children as a team and having a good bond, or being out partying every night.

Many of us have been here OP. Once you get through digesting what has happened, you will breathe a big sigh of relief and appreciate your new normal. But that is not going to happen overnight unfortunately. Keep your head up and soldier on.

Are women less intelligent than men? Why on earth can they not use the brains they were born with?

I agree with you.

It's grim that men get to behave appallingly and then some woman will still fall for all their lies.

They always seem to find someone, take my ex husband (and yes unbelivably a few other women did!) for example. He left me with a young baby, had 3 more with the woman he left me for, she left him so there he was single with 4 kids and he is now on his fourth relationship since this. He's not even attractive, hasn't been for decades . Of course all the kids are adults now but he has never been alone ever, proof that some people be they male or female will settle for anything rather than being single

He will make the usual claim - crazy exes won't let me see my kids sob sob im so devastated only you can help me feel better

Women fall for that bullshit all the time and repeat it in defence of the shits.

For any sane and balanaced woman five kids on a prospective man she neither knows nor cares about yet will turn her away before anything even gets started.

If he sees his five kids he is unlikely to have enough time for anything else after work, kids, friends and perhaps a hobby.

If he does not see the five kids then he's a bit shit.

Lose lose either way.