To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

I’m really shocked by these responses.
If my 18 year old took an overdose which is effectively what this is, I’d be at the hospital like a shot regardless of whether I thought it was a genuine attempt or some attention seeking.

I agree with DD. He's doing it for attention. Don't get sucked in and ruin the holiday for everyone.

Also I would wonder how he was discovered to be in DKA, dis he eat enough to go into DKA, calmly test his bloods and tell his dad or did he secretly load up on sugar until the point of collapse?

When my son was in denial/rebellion around his diabetes he had two episodes of DKA but both came from weeks/months of running his bloods high/uncontrolled diabetes.

You don't go into dka for attention seeking purposes. Believe me. You obviously don't understand type one.

Stay!!

He did it to distract from poor results and seemingly to manipulate a girl. Not worth encouraging the behaviour

Even if he done it on purpose as an emotional manipulation tactic over a girl? His timing is shit.
I would go home to give her a telling off only.

That's what op has been told until she actually speaks to her child herself she doesn't know the reason. She's got one part of the story out of two parts. Type one is exhausting constantly thinking about every single tiny decision every single day that with the girl and bad results it's likely pushed him over the edge it's a suicide attempt.
Dka isn't caused by eating sweets it's caused by stopping insulin. It's a suicide attempt and his mental health must be low. Nobody would put themselves into dka just for attention believe me.

Yes I have two other children. I would calmly explain to them that if any of my children were seriously ill (DKA is life threatening and generally involves intensive care) I would prioritise their needs over the one who is healthy and over any holiday. I would also have a frank discussion about emotional blackmail.

I would take the time to explain to them about how dangerous T1D is and that my prioritising the sick child’s needs over the being on holiday with them is about their sibling’s health. I would think about / discuss ways I could make it up to her at a later date.

DKA isn’t caused by eating sweets it is from withholding insulin. Poor episodes of mental health are very dangerous and potentially life threatening to people with T1 diabetes. Especially teenagers. I would want to be there to make sure my son got the mental health support he needed.

I am not separated/divorced but I would not leave this crisis to my husband to handle if I was on holiday with another adult child. I have been the default T1 parent in my son’s life up to now so while my husband would be OK I feel I would be a stronger advocate for my son’s needs.

I have carefully worded this as I what I would do as a T1 parent. The OP has a different family situation to me so I not saying this is what she should do.

However, I do know that most random people on the internet don’t typically know much about T1D, young adults with T1D or the crossover between mental health and T1D but I do. This is why I replied to this post.

Same, shit behaviour from him.

I agree. It think knowing a T1D personally makes it different.

what a position to be in op. I think I would have to leave as well. Imagine can’t imagine enjoying any part of it being sick with worry over your ds

what DS is doing is also emotional blackmail.

You do if you eat a shit ton of sweets "over a girl". Nasty piece of work is presumably trying to control her.

A lot of time has gone on him especially when he was first diagnosed but dd was already 19 and at at uni then. I still spend time with just dd and ds2 each on their own. He doesn't always do things for attention like dd said but a few days after dd gave birth (also the weekend after he turned 18) he went out with his “friends” and drank too much (for him anyway due to his diabetes and he hadn't really drank alcohol prior to that) which lowered his blood sugar and the friend's he was with left him and a member of the public called an ambulance. He was fine but that feels different to this and I am worried about his mental health

Regarding because of the girl, his dad said he didn't say that himself but prior he was upset about the girl which is a toxic relationship, she keeps messing with his feelings one minute she loves him and wants to be with him and then the next she is ignoring him and blocking him, she lied about being pregnant with his baby and it's been on going for probably a year now and we keep encouraging him to block her so she can't suddenly message him when she wants to get back with him but he won't and then he just keeps getting hurt

dka ISNT CAUSED BY EATING SWEETS. GO RESEARCH IT. For god sake.

Am I the only one who things your dd sounds like an immature spoilt brat. She's 25 ffs with her own child. You would think that might give her a a little insight into how worried you are about your ds. It's not just that he's diabetic but that he seems to have triggered this incident with low mental health. I woild go home and tell dd to grow up.

I did something similar in my early 20s and I’m glad my family were there to support me, I haven’t repeated it since

Go home chiefark and get him mental health help
The diabetes team will have a psychiatrist he can access. The poor lad needs help.

Unless he takes a turn for the worse or is literally at death's door, then you need to trust his Dad is
a) on it
b) will let you know if anything changes
Your DS wants to be left alone and has stated this.
Your DD wants you there and has stated this.
She will not forget if you leave now and then you will be looking at LC/NC.
You are not being asked vocally by your son to choose. You are being asked by your daughter to put her first on this occasion. Do that.

But it’s not is it? It’s obvious from OP’s post it’s a manipulation tactic

Also your DD needs to grow up. She has a baby yet acting like a teenager. Not worried about her brother being in dka more worried about her hoilday being spoilt. I mean seriously?

I would love to understand the 3 letter acronyms to be honest.

I feel stuck between my 2 children

But your DS is with his father. I suspect your DD has been overlooked for the last 5 or 6 years in relation to your focus on your son's condition. Stay, and enjoy your DD's company. If you leave, she'll know where she is in your affection & priority.

She'll have remembered it.

I don’t think some readers realise how serious type 1 diabetes is and the long term implications of diagnosis. It is a very challenging diagnosis, for teens especially, to deal with.

its a very tough situation for you OP and I can certainly understand your desire to go home.