To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

It's legality that counts in adult spaces though. He will have same visiting rules as every other adult on his ward Can you imagine the chaos if everyone wanted exceptions

Yes I understand that his life was at risk. But no, having too much sugar, even deliberately, is not necessarily a suicide attempt. There are all sorts of reasons why diabetics do not always adhere to the restrictive diets they need to for their health and safety. And all sorts of mental states that contribute to that that are not suicidal.

How are you doing today @ChiefArk , and how is your son?

But it wasent just too much sugar a lot of Diabetics find it dificult to stay in range for many reasons but this can be corrected with insulin if too high or glucose if too low
If hes deliberatley put himself into DKA i would be very concerned about his mental state

The main point is that OP has jumped to the conclusion that he has deliberately put himself into DKA, yet nothing else she has said supports the assertion that that was his intent. (Though even if it was, that still isn't quite the same as suicidal intent).

I’m shocked at the number of posters who don’t seem to understand how serious DKA is, despite the explanations from those of us with experience. And the cause often determines the outcome - underlying infections can be deadly - simple UTI’s, chest infections, stomach bugs and even the flu can all release cortisol/adrenaline which can block insulin and cause DKA.

It’s treated with rapid infusion of insulin and other fluids to clear the ketones, and then dextrose is added to ensure blood glucose doesn’t plummet while the insulin does it’s job, and during treatment the condition is unstable and can deteriorate rapidly if complications arise, and even due to elements of the treatment itself. So those posters telling OP her DS is safe in hospital and there’s no need for her to cut the holiday short really don’t know what they’re talking about.

In my experience most hospitals have open visiting from early afternoon until evening. The only restriction is the numbers of visitors to a bed. My own DH was in ICU for a time and even there apart from a quiet hour in the afternoons, visiting wasn’t restricted. And OP is his mother. DKA is life threatening and can deteriorate rapidly and unexpectedly during treatment, so telling her not to come home because he’s safe in hospital isn’t necessarily the best advice.

From early afternoon yeah. Not like paeds ward where parents can stay 24/7.

Hence the comment about him being an adult

In reality there's a lot more flexibility then you would suggest. My fil has just been in gor a week and we've had someone with him each morning to catch the ward round, despite visiting hours not starting til 2pm.

When I was in hospital a few years back, the elderly Somali lady next to me had a daughter with her 24/7 to comfort her and translate.

Well when I was in for 5 weeks no one was allowed in before 2pm. And only 2 at a bed

Sils inlaw is in hospital now and the visiting is only 12-1 and 6-7pm. No exceptions on that ward apparently.

So basically to help feed patients if necessary

My experience is that they will make an exception for a vulnerable young adult.

The ward should have the ability to take a phone/tablet to your son if his father can't take him his mobile and charger. Unless he's too unwell to use a mobile phone this should be the first step. Or there might be a bedside entertainment system that includes a direct phone line you could call him on.

So if your son wants to speak to you it should be possible to arrange that.

I don't know what you can usefully do by travelling home now that you can't do by phone / email/ video call from where you are.

If you read the treatment guidelines for DKA it's meant to improve quickly with the right treatment so by the time you travel home he should be much better anyway.

A levels can be re-sat. Alternative Further Education courses are available. The hospital diabetes team should be able to support his mental health/ help streamline his diabetes management.

There are support organisations for men experiencing domestic abuse - a woman claiming to be pregnant when she's not is pretty abusive. They may be able to help him escape her.

This is about the most sensible post I have read

No. He will still need ongoing education to prevent further admissions and support managing his diabetes and that will be a specialist diabetes team as an outpatient as well.

So difficult OP - I really feel for you. And I don't think anyone on here can really tell you with confidence what you should do, as we don't know your son, don't know whether he is likely to have done this as an actual suicide attempt - how much support he would accept from you if you return, etc etc.

These are the questions I would ask myself in your position. Can you phone and speak to your son - will he chat to you on the phone? If so, perhaps ask him if he wants you there?

Although his dad doesn't sound like he is handling it perfectly, I assume he overall loves his son and is a competent parent? (You haven't said he isn't). Maybe ask him if you and he can have a phone conversation to really talk it through, get his perspective.

And is there anyone else from home who could visit DS/keep an eye on him - your parents for example?

I am not sure about this, but could you possibly speak to a HCP involved in caring for DS, get their perspective on whether having you there would help him?

Ultimately, my goal would be to stay on the holiday IF I felt DS would be safe and OK till I returned. If I couldn't reassure myself of that, I would return home. Yes your daughter will be sad, but the physical and mental safety of one of your kids trumps everything.

Good luck. Hope you work it out. X

Good save !!

If he’s seriously unwell his parents won’t be restricted. DKA is life threatening, unstable and can deteriorate rapidly even with treatment. What is is about this that you don’t understand ?

Wtf are you on about?

I think it depends on your sons condition.
A lot of dka's resolve within 24 hours. Hospital stay can be as short as 1-2 days. By the time you organise flights home and actually get back, he could have been discharged home.
Speak to your son directly when able.

Omg, I can’t believe how many are saying stay. Follow your instinct, DKA is a medical emergency, and it was self induced. He needs all the family’s support, your daughter needs to grow up

I’ve been perfectly clear. DKA is life threatening, he will have been admitted as an emergency. For as long as he’s seriously unwell, his immediate family - parents -won’t be restricted from visiting.

I never said a bloody word about dka though? So why go on about it to me??

And if you say so. I have had relatives who are seriously ill ( with life threatening stuff of which they died) and it was only the last 2 days of their life someone allowed to be there constantly

I had severe sepsis they said was life threatening. Still not allowed someone there constantly

It depends on your age and vulnerablity
I was allowed to spend 6 days and nights witj my then 16 year old who was also in DKA ( plus some complications) on an adult ICU whilst yes there is a diffrencnce betweem a 16 and 18byr
If the 18 year old is vulnerable they may well mske an exception.