To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

Well id have thought anyone with a life threatening issue would be vulnerable tbh
The point is that THE LAW says this boy is an adult as he is 18. Do it would be an" exception" rather than the automatic thing of parents staying there if he had been15

I think you need to stay.

Actually it’s a really difficult decision.

If the doctors were saying in danger you should come home - absolutely go home. Next flight. Beg borrow and steal to make it.

If they were a child and you would be allowed to stay with them - yes you should consider going home.

If it was a new diagnosis and you needed to learn to support them in controlling their condition - yes go back and learn.

But if they're an adult, on an adult ward. Set visiting times. The doctors say they need to stay in but will be OK. They to some extent did this intentionally to themselves for attention from mum that went away and a girl they like. Had another parent and sibling visiting. She can be in daily contact to check in and can visit when she gets back. Gives the doctors a chance to see how he manages his condition without mum stepping in and doing it for him. For him to be educated and be given a reality check. He needs to grow up and learn there's stuff he just can't do with his condition if he ever wants to be independent and move out.

Stay with your daughter. She needs you more than your son this moment. He is safe and has a parent with him. Literally nothing he you can do for him that isn’t already being done. It will be hard but you need to try to be in the moment during the holiday. Check in at home a couple of times a day and that’s it. Once you are home you can try to tackle the underlying issues around accepting his diabetes etc. Does he have positive diabetic role models?
Your daughter’s perception of what’s happening is real to her, so the objective truth of it is almost irrelevant if you want a good relationship with her.

Op's son has a serious, lobg term condition, has flunked his levels, been ditched by his girlfriend, berated by his dad. His sister has her partner and baby with her, wants her mum there as a babysitter. How do you expect her to be in the moment during the holiday?

Well it's already heading towards Thursday evening so I expect a decision has been made by now.

Yes if she wants a relationship with her daughter who also needs and wants her. Didn’t say it was gonna be easy.

How is your son now @ChiefArk

are You back now ?

Why is this such a bone of contention ? Many hospitals have open visiting from early afternoon to early evening. If DS is very unwell it won’t be an ‘exception’. He’s 18 not 38 !! He’ll be allowed a parent there and if he’s in ICU with the exception of a quiet hour each day, visiting is open

She has a relationship with DD. She’s 25. She was away at uni when DS was diagnosed, and then married. She’s a mum herself. And OP said upthread that she was on holiday to babysit. DKA can be life threatening - it’s also a very unstable complication and can deteriorate very quickly so if OP wants to be at home I think that takes priority.

He doesn’t have a parent with him. His dad works. DKA can deteriorate rapidly and is unstable. Maybe OP can’t do anything for him in practical terms but if she stays and he starts to deteriorate she’s not going to be able to get to him for a significant period of time. And I’m afraid the objective truth is that DS has a significant health condition - how exactly is that irrelevant ?