To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

I'd stay.

I think I would stay, he has got at least one parent with him so it’s not like he’s been abandoned. I understand how worried you are though and I have no knowledge of diabetes. Will he be out of hospital soon do you think?

Stay.

Your son is 18, in a medical setting getting the help required and his father is there. There is nothing to gain by you leaving your holiday and upsetting your other adult child.

Also does she have a point. Is everything always about ds1 and does he have form for stealing away others time and spotlight.

Stay. He's with his dad.

He’s 18, he’s with his dad and brother, and he wants to be left alone. It doesn’t sound like you need to go home.

No, his Dad is with him, he doesn't need you to fuss over him, any more than he needs the MG team involved. He needs the Diabetes nurse to get his levels sorted and help him to understand how to manage his T1D.
I see your DD''s point about his attention seeking behaviour.

I’d stay. Your DD is giving you a clear message. You leave now and that tells her she’s right and that relationship will be damaged irrevocably. Your son is safe, being looked after by his father who loves him. He is also 18 and needs to take his own health seriously. My Dd is epileptic so I do understand how you feel to a point but you have 3 children. Not 1. A week building bridges with your Dd and grandchild seems to be important right now.

Ah OP, I am so sorry to hear all that. But from
what you have been told your son has attempted to take his life by not managing his diabetes. This is a serious cry for help. I think your older daughter is being very dismissive of this. I would want to go home too. It’s not like you are there on your own with your daughter. Why can’t they stay and you go home

How come your DD said that? Has he deliberately interrupted other situations before? Is she right, maybe..?

Personally I would want to be with my son too.

Stay. This will really damage your relationship with your DD if you leave, and your son is in safe hands.

I’d stay and also if only it was a simple as getting a diabetes nurse to sort out his levels! Ha!

As a fellow mum to a T1Diabetic I understand the out of your mind worry but in this situation I’d stay on holiday. See if ds will talk to you on the phone - you can offer support and see if he wants to talk.

My 18 year old is also very shut up with his feelings so he probably wouldn’t share how he felt even if you were by his bedside.

It’s so tough and you have all my sympathy xx

I think YABU. He’s a grown adult now and purposefully ate a load of sweets to land himself in hospital.

I’d turn my phone off and ask either your son or their dad to only contact you if it’s a genuine emergency. It’s not as if he’s fallen ill. It’s self inflicted.

Doesn’t he have his phone? You can call him. You are right to be concerned but hopefully he has learnt his lesson. Your ex does need to understand that this is technically a suicide/self harm attempt and should be treated seriously

Stay but call him, facetime him see how he is you will feel better when you've spoke to him

Trust the hospital and his Dad. It’s a summer holiday. You haven’t emigrated to the moon.

I completely understand that you’re terribly worried about him. And you’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would probably stay right now but keep in close contact and you can always leave later in the week if his condition deteriorates. His dad and his brother are with him so he’s not on his own. Sending hugs

It’s attention seeking at its finest. I’m assuming it’s because his dad is (rightly) angry he bombed his a levels and destroyed his future. So he eats a load of sweets in order to end up in hospital and his mum rushing back to his side, because she goes easier on him than his dad.

Sounds like there's a history of him being more important than the others?

He's an adult and he's not alone. YABU.

Let his dad take the strain. Dad's are as much patents as mums so let him step up here. But I'd explain to dd that this is serious. How she react if you flipped her off during this kind of health crisis? Your allowed to care and be upset

I’d stay. He is not on his own, he has his dad. He is safe in hospital. Your dd deserves your time and attention too as it sounds like she hasn’t had much of it due to her brothers illness.

Stay. He’s got a parent and he’s being treated. I don’t think you’ve given your daughter enough attention or love - she’s telling you that! Listen to her!

You need to try and give some of yourself to your daughter and grand daughter. It simply isn’t ok to choose your son time and time again. It sounds like this is a crossroads and your choices here will count.

I’d stay.
Realistically what do you think you being there will achieve?
Do you know what you DD meant by her comment, does he have form for suddenly needing you during events that are about his siblings?

Your son is under medical care.

Stay with your daughter. Your daughter just told you how frustrated she is by the special treatment you give your son because he's got Type 1. Leaving now will bring more resentment into your relationship.

You need to do some reading on glass child syndrome.