To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

[ChiefArk]

I have 3 children - DD25 DS18 DS15. Currently away with DD and my 8 month old granddaughter and her partner. the boys are staying with their dad as neither wanted to go

DS18 has T1D which he hates but he's used to it and he usually is responsible but I will admit he was 13 when he was diagnosed and a lot of my time has gone on him and worry tbh, I don't worry about my other 2 as much as they don't give me any reason to worry!!
He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and he ended up failing his A levels which wasn't a huge shock as his attendance was poor

He's been quiet but he when he left to go to his dad's he seemed fine. I had a message from my youngest saying that ds1 had been taken to hospital because he'd messed his blood sugar levels up by eating loads of sweets and he did it over a girl. I messaged their dad because that was a 15 year olds account of things and he pretty much confirmed it and said he's handling it but when I asked if someone from the mental health team is going to talk to him he said no because DS doesn't need it but I think he does if he's done that over a girl.

His dad was quite angry he failed his A levels so i imagine he wouldve been on at him since he went there.

We landed Saturday night so we’re only 2 days in but im worrying about DS and want to go home but DD is furious, she usually gets on with him but she said he always tries to steal the attention like this and said if I leave it proves i care more about him and not her or her other brother or my granddaughter which isnt true. I don’t know how ill enjoy myself though for the next week especially whilst hes still in hospital as his dad said he had DKA and still is quite unwell but arguing with him about wanting him and everyone to leave him alone. I dont know who “everyone” is hes only been staying with his dad and brother

I feel stuck between my 2 children

@bakebeans Have you missed the fact that he is in hospital with DKA?

DKA is really serious. I would go home. Especially as you’ve said the Dad is angry with him for failing

A similar stunt? How absolutely offensive and ignorant. Tell me you know nothing about TD1 without telling me....

T1D is ridiculously complex to manage. There are huge links to mental health and T1D particularly in teenagers. Wanting to drink with your mates at 18 and getting it wrong because alcohol doesn't work for you the same way once is not pulling a similar stunt. It happens.

It can take years for T1Ds to learn how to manage their condition and alcohol, if the lad was 18 and needed help from a stranger, he got it wrong presumably from being new to alcohol.

You are being ridiculous. Stay with your daughter. He has a parent with him

Twice? T1D requires 24/7 thinking and research shows it requires over 160 decisions a day. 2 incidents in years is nothing when you are injecting multiple times a day given the risk every decision creates.

The previous incident at 18 and drinking is a completely different situation (low blood sugar) to the current situation, which is high blood sugar related so he's not even done the same thing twice FFS. The previous incident sounds like a young lad not understanding how alcohol affects him.

Go educate yourself, you clearly know nothing about T1D, how difficult it is to manage, that every dose of insulin can kill you or the huge overlap of T1D and mental health.

Deep breathes.
Stay on holiday.
Trust ex and hospital to handle DS.

Ask ex to update you every two days unless of an emergency.

Chances are you will make no difference.
Book DS into counselling when you get home.
Son needs to learn independence.
Your DD understands him well.
Is there a camp for Diabetes that he could go on?

In my experience, most hospitals have open visiting these days and DKA is very serious, so very likely a parent will be allowed to stay with him until he’s well into recovery.

It's a big from having too many sweets as a T1D to suicide. I'm not downplaying the seriousness of what could happen, I'm talking about intent. You are suggesting that because, in response to a bad relationship, he ate more sweets than his body can handle without putting him at risk he is suicidal, and that sound somewhat unlikely unless you have more to go on. Bad relationships can make us make plenty of foolish decisions, some of which put us in life threatening situations without it being suicide.

Is there more that you haven't mentioned yet? From the way you talk about your responses and balancing the pull you feel from your DC it occured to me you might be a little traumatised by caring for your DS and prone to catastrophising about him? is that a possibility? If you were prepared to leave your only minor DC with your ex, he can't be that much of a fuckwit he would be unable to respond to a suicidal son, can he?

I think your DD is being unreasonable. She’s a grown adult with a family of her own.

I would be prioritising the hospitalised 18 year old over a holiday.

He’s an adult and will be in an adult ward

He needs to enquire about an insulin pump

Funny how both times he has played fast and loose with his health and it has backfired during his mothers visits to her dd

This thread has been really distressing to read. I am a Type 1.

So many people have been so cruel about this young man - essentially calling him attention seeking and manipulative over a very very serious medical incident caused by his condition. We don’t know he did it deliberately, and we don’t know why it happened. What we do know is that T1Ds can very easily run into trouble with control, and when they do they can die. Two episodes of hospitalisation as a teenager with T1D is pretty normal - this is hardly a major pattern of “attention seeking”. It’s what it is like managing a horrible and exhausting disability. All these comments about “just take your insulin”, “just ask a nurse” etc are just absolutely ignorant. T1D is HARD - every single hour of every single day. Every T1D screws it up sometimes- sometimes accidentally or forgetfully, sometimes out of exhaustion or despair. And sometimes they die because of it. Please please stop writing these cruel comments about a still really young man who is going through some very tough stuff.

At the same time, I don’t know if you should go home. It would be the same if any of your kids were in hospital with something serious - it’s a fine balance as to whether they have enough support and can wait. Personally I would probably go as any of my kids being in hospital with life threatening condition would be over my “line” for going, but he is being treated so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to stay.

Would be adult ward in our city and strict visiting times giving two blocks of two hours last time I had a relative in.

Unless the son had some Nd he would be treated like any other adult man.

I agrree my son is type1 he was diagnosed in DKA we nearly lost him to see posters dismissing it aa attention seeking is awful such ignorance .

He willl likrly be in ICU.

He wss in DKA its life threatening wether he intended to put himself in DKA or not its more thsn just having a few sweets and is blood sugars shooting up!

This lad is 18 so a legal adult

Stay. He’s 18. Has a parent and safe at hospital

he needs to understand more about his D and how to manage it and at 18 needs to be able to do this

but def call /facetime him daily

also suprised the boys didn’t want to away abroad at 15/18

I get the 15 staying with dad but why did the 18 need to

I knew a 25 yo T1D staff nurse, ICU trained, who went on one alcoholic binge too many. He was unable to be resuscitated this last time. RIP xxxxx. All the ignorant posters on this thread dismissing this as attention-seeking need to wise up, as does OP's sister

I had a poorly sibling growing up, who took up a lot of attention from my parents. I would never have reacted the way your DD has. I understood how difficult it was for them to keep her safe.

I feel for you OP.

They have not asked you to leave, the crisis is being managed so you can stay. He will have lapses , for all sorts of reasons, and needs to be aware and learn to accept help.

OP, every T1D thread I've read on Mumsnet has been piled on by people with no clue about the disease - they post the most hurtful, inaccurate and cruel responses.

There is some really kind and considered advice from those who understand T1D on this thread - just read those posts, and please, please ignore the nasty comments.

We can only hope that those posters never have to experience a disease like T1D themselves. Their ignorance and cruelty is staggering.

I don't understand what you're trying to say here. I specifically said I wasn't down playing the physical risk. I was pointing out that suicide is about intent and asking why her thoughts went to it being suicide.

Well first of your.making out he only had a few to many sweets
Do you understand that DKA which he was in is a life threatening condtion ?
If hes done it deleberatley thsn yes its a suicide attempt he will know it can lead to death

Which can be a world away from an adult emotionally, especially when you’re struggling to cope with a health condition which, going by some of the responses here, is still poorly understood and attracting of a fair amount of ignorant judgement.