hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

This isn't true. I've left my child in hospital overnight without me on a number of occasions.

ITS ONE NIGHT. While she’s in A&E with another sibling. That doesn’t make him a young carer fgs.

I suspect in a house with 5 children, 1 a baby and 1 autistic he will by default be doing a certain amount of parent level caring. More than the children's dads for a start. Imagine being such a useless man you couldn't do a better job than your babies teenage sibling. Shameful

it’s nothing about benefits about why we dont live together i was advised by every single person on a thread to not nov in with him and not to give up my flat when i posted for 2nd opinions because i was questioning myself and i dont think its a right time

im not using my son as an excuse either i just dont want him having so much change was a new school and a new house all at once he doesn’t have an ehcp and i need to focus on that not a house move

my son wasnt hungover looking after the baby. he drank the night before and wasnt hungover by the time he was looking after my children. His friend didn’t come over just to help she gave him his phone because hed left it at hers in the morning and actually thankfully she did so i was able to contact ds

I didnt take my other children i was more focused on ds and because i dont drive i needed to get a taxi so a taxi with 2 younger children wouldve been more of a struggle and busses take longer and we would have actually had to walk to the bus stop i did tell my bf when we were on the way and he wasnt at work yet this was about 6 i think and he wasnt supposed to work until about 8;30/9

dont have 5 kids by 5 different men or whatever someone said. my older 3 have the same dad and he was abusive towards me and then we were homelesss and my now 11 year old was a young baby so i also dont want to go through that again especially because im aware theres many places that wont help with my older 2 boys because theyre teens i may be wrong but someone of my other thread said that. he didnt even contact eldest for his birthday for the 2nd year in a row snd he doesnt text very often or see them. 5 year olds dad hasnt seen him since he was about 2 and then babys dad.

IMO The baby’s father (DP) should come home from work if 17 year old DS says he’s finding younger kids too difficult to manage.
Otherwise the unexpected childcare situation is fine for now.

5 kids by 3 different dads isn't that different a vibe to 5 different dads, not that I actually judge either thing, life happens but you've had 2 further relationships each leading to a baby in a very short space of time. And these men don't seem to be responsible people.

Did your baby's dad step up in the end? Why are you even in the relationship in this case? What's the point of him?

Are any of the fathers contributing CMS?

Have you considered a contraceptive implant?

Hope your 11 Yr old son is doing better this morning.

Was everyone on that thread saying don't live together but stay in the relationship forever and ever?

Or were they saying don't move in with him because he's a loser, maybe give him a chance to prove himself to you? Because this is that time, you've given him that chance, and he's just proven that he's a loser and you're better off single.

How do you know IT'S ONE NIGHT? They could easily keep the 11yo in longer. She said she has no one so who's helping out anytime anything happens? Accident and emergencies tend to happen with kids, esp little ones and an 11yo with SEN who needs this much supervision. I hope it is only one night and OP can be home looking after all her kids asap, but she's going to be exhausted and the boyfriend is useless so yeah. If the kids aren't caring for each other, who is? Sounds like a case where SS could actually be helpful rather than people saying ah it's fine, the boyfriend just needed to do his important job not parent his baby because the barely 17yo and 14yo can parent the 5yo and baby for them, aww.

Look, the details don’t really matter. The fact is that you are in your mid-30s, with 5 children aged 7 months to 17 years, without any of the fathers being in any way involved in bringing them up.

It seems that your council house is the only truly stable thing in your life, so please make sure you hang on to this.

And nail down your contraception. You have at least 10 fertile years ahead of you and don’t want any more children. And even if you did, it wouldn’t be in the best interest of your existing children.

I was on your other thread and one of the posters feeling desperately sorry for your eldest who has no family involved, no one to buy him a present apart from you and you struggle because you’ve had more children and are a single parent. Now I read this. It just gets worse for your eldest.

Im sorry that you’re in this situation. I hope your child in hospital is ok. I hope you get some help. Please stay away from more relationships and focus on your children. This boyfriend doesn’t deserve you.

Why were poster’s advising you not to give up your flat and move in with him?

Because she has a housing executive
(/Council or whatever it's called) home, to throw away having that secure tenancy to live in the house of a boyfriend would be madness.

You have zero idea of that posters circumstances. She could very well have been a care leaver with no family support.

I'm sure the 17 yo and pal can cope for a day or so with mum on the end of a phone.

That poster agreed with me.

By your own argument, you have zero idea of whether 17yo and pal can cope. Check our @sparrowhawkhere's post at 11.03 for further insight on this 17yo's lot. You can be as Pollyannaish as you please, but this isn't some glitch, there are a lot of children and only one responsible adult and it is a problem - acute when there are emergencies and ongoing in other ways.

It meant I should have noticed a typo, for a start. It is the boyfriend’s inadequacy which made me discard him as any use in the home.

I’m surprised a few teenagers are regarded as unlikely to manage a simple recipe if required (and not right away, FGS…when Mum and brother are back, and settled in again ). You'd think the need would arise quite a bit.
The eldest lad is being a terrific help of course; no aspersion meant if he’s not got a few easy family meals in his domestic skill set.

But the angry brigade are on high alert, it’s clear, so anything that might be misrepresented is going to get hammered, naturally.
(The person who said I wrote everything in jest was deliberately mishandling the truth, for example)
But orthodox or not, I hope OP can find some reliable help pdq, as she seems to lack an inbuilt sense of urgent necessity.

It’s not about benefits as much as a complete lack of personal accountability/responsibility from you and the multiple fathers of your children to support them.

Have you ever worked? Contributed any tax? Or just expected the welfare state to provide you with housing, benefits, childcare provision each new baby whilst you drift in and out of relationships with numerous reckless loser men?!

Again, maybe Social Services involvement would be a good thing here…

partner didn't help in the end but ds said baby was fine even though he woke up through the night and woukdnt go back to sleep even tho he wasn't upset or anything. he was fine too and my other 2 were fine and well behaved which I was more worried about as 5yo can be hyper and 14yo does have an attitude and he and eldest don't get along at all but they all were fine. social services don't need to be involved an all the comments about benefits etc arent helpful especially when I was worried about my ds left night

ds has been discharged but they dont really know what's wrong with him

You are using the word partner, but he’s not being a partner is he.

Exactly. I can’t see anything that makes him a partner rather than just someone that got you pregnant. 🤷🏻‍♀️

God I hope the hospital involves social services because every single time you post about the utter bloody chaos of your life, I think of those five little lives you are screwing up. It’s just appalling. I am so fed up with you posting thread after thread that shows just how much damage is being done, and there being no help for those children.

I'm glad your child has been discharged @dinosaursroars

And I'm glad you decided not to move in with your boyfriend. It's better all round if you stay where you are.

you really do need to make sure you are on top of all the admin you’ll have to do for your 11 year old going forward. Have you got support with that?

You should feel very proud of your eldest for taking care of your baby overnight, not an easy task by any means! And also all of your kids for coping without you overnight. Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job of bringing them up without any support network 💐
The babies dad sounds like a complete waste of space however...

So that she keeps her secure council tenancy.

Also, because the boyfriend abandoned her when she was pregnant with the last baby - and he isn't the father of any of the older boys.

Their lives are difficult enough without adding this bloke to everything.