hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

Could you swap places with your 17yo, and he stay in hospital with his brother for a while, so you can go home and be with the 7mo and 5yo?

The fact that you’re excusing this piece of shit says a lot. His work isn’t stopping him. He doesn’t want to - and doesn’t - parent his child. And it’s the OP who said the eldest son was inexperienced with childcare. People aren’t making this up. You can minimise all you like but what’s your solution if the 11yo needs to stay in hospital and needs mum to stay too? The dad isn’t willing or capable. The son is not and should not be full-time carer for the rest. Keep the blinkers on if you wish but OP says she ‘has no one’ to help and that is a problem.

i’m posting because im upset he chose work over our baby

Did you give him a choice to make? It sounds like you didn’t ask him for help you told him what was happening so he thought you had it covered. Yes he could have offered but he didn’t so you should have said directly that you need his help.

i dont think us living together is the right time my 11yo is having enough change with new school and i just dont want to live with him right now tbh

How long have you been with your partner and do you actually want to be with him? Sounds like you’re using your DS as an excuse not to progress the relationship. You cant move in with a man because you think your DS is having enough change yet you can have a baby with the man and have a new baby live with you?

If it wasn’t judgement why was the poster hoping social services step in when there’s absolutely no suggestion the OP isn’t a competent parent to her children, while repeatedly mentioning the fathers?

I think you've posted before about your baby's father wanting you to give up your overcrowded council house and move into private rented. This is a great example of why you shouldn't.

I also remember your previous post re your son's education difficulties. You really are having a difficult time. Have you asked for any help from social services? They may be able to arrange child care for this, too.

Seem to recall you're somewhere in East London so
https://www.redbridge.gov.uk/adult-and-childrens-services/childrens-services/family-help-service/

Is the father of your son in hospital involved? Could you call him to come and stay with his son? I hope your son feels better soon.

The OP's 17 year old is gay. She is just a friend. It was her son's birthday, so they had a drink. The son hasn't long split with his boyfriend.

OP, as I said earlier, my 14 year old could have managed the baby, let alone my girls when they were 17. So I hope everything has gone ok and possibly your boyfriend has been in touch. As well as your 11 year old getting some answers. His new school will need to know about this episode.

You'll need to contact social care to arrange emergency care for your children if you don't have anyone that can look after them and aren't able to make arrangements to have them looked after properly. You have 5 children only one of whom is old enough to stay home alone overnight but who is not competent to look after 3 other children one of which is a baby. It's not entirely clear whether you actually said to your partner that he needs to have the baby or whether you just assumed it. Were you already in hospital when he left for his shift? Did you not have a conversation before then, for example when you first left for hospital? It's really hard to imagine the level of poor communication between you and your partner and for that alone you are being unreasonable. You are also being hugely unreasonable posting on a forum to find out if you are unreasonable at a point where you should have been focusing on getting care for your children and posting about how to solve the problem at hand.

My son is autistic with learning disabilities, the staff let us sit in a side room when we're in A&E instead of the main waiting room.

Fair enough. My ds was always admitted quickly because he was “known” and he was often put in a side room on the ward coz he was a frequent flyer, as it were.

You have 5 children only one of whom is old enough to stay home alone overnight but who is not competent to look after 3 other children one of which is a baby.

A 17 year old is perfectly capable of looking after 3 younger siblings for the night.

FGS most of us looked after that many children for £20 not that long ago.

There’s no set age for kids to stay alone either.

The 14 year old probably doesn't need much in the way of practical looking after either, and may well be a net help.

I was thinking that too, effectively there are 3 teens looking after a baby and 5 yo.

I mean. I had DS when I was 15 and I looked after him overnight by myself - I had my own place by 16 (council flat). Albeit that was a million years ago.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have taken the baby with you but that’s done now. So of course your boyfriend should come and look after his own baby.

What is ridiculous is that whilst they don’t live together there is no emergency plan as to what to do, who to call. That is what is ridiculous. And very irresponsible.

Oh ideal then, leave them to it! The baby's father can keep on being a useless shit as long as the teens hold the fort. That definitely won't perpetuate the issues.

I mean, that was your own baby who you chose to have. The OP's DS is being a hero, but he shouldn't have to be. Being a young carer in a chaotic family like this is not the same as having your own kid.

Sad as it is not all employers are accommodating of no notice ‘ I carn’t come in because…’
They probably expect you to have some sort of arrangements in place.
If he lost his job she might moan about that as well.

@Marroon
You say "People are really letting their judgment of a woman who has dared to sleep with more than one man run severely away with them."

Nothing whatsoever to do with how many men she's slept with. The problem has arisen due to having 5 kids, different (mainly absent) dads, a current partner who is happy to leave his young baby in the care of an overstretched 17 yo.
It's the choices she's made - not how many men she's shagged.

Sorry I wasn’t clear. I just meant in terms of it being illegal for a child to mind other children overnight.

the ops son has stepped up when he shouldn’t have had to for sure

You've missed the context to those posts. They're not about whether the father is useless. They're in response to someone saying OP needed to contact social care to arrange an emergency placement, whilst also getting the number of kids wrong. It's perfectly possible to object to OPs partner's behaviour whilst also disagreeing with a post about contacting Social Services.

your bf is a waste of space. He gets the benefits of a “relationship” with none of the responsibilities. Perhaps you needed to be more assertive , tell him to collect the baby and care for his child, not that he should need telling. If the situation is the same now he should collect the baby for the day and until you are on a position to care fir the dc again. Just because you may return home does not mean you are ready and able to do so, as I doubt you had much sleep. Dors he help out generally, with shopping, trips to chemist and appointments, school runs, financially?

Thank god somebody is thinking the same as me, I thought maybe I was crazy reading the replies!