hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

It’s five children…. 🤷‍♀️

Has your BF ever looked after his baby overnight?

Sorry just seen there he hasnt looked after him overnight before.

I hope everyone is ok and agree your BF needs to come over after his shift so you can get some sleep

The 17 year old is doing a cracking job already, taking care of a young baby, a 5 year old and a younger teenager. If anyone should be “assembling” a bloody shepherds pie it should be the mum’s boyfriend. It’s literally the least he could do at this point.

Surely the hospital can get a cot put in your room so baby can be with you??

A hungover 17yo with little experience of babies is not suitable to be caring for one, especially alongside a 5yo.Both ages are challenging enough for 2 parents at once not a young teen on his own with a friend (how much does she know about babies?!)

Can you get vitamin injections and suchlike on the NHS? Subsidised health boosters like cod liver oil, or even that gloopy malt extract we oldies were reared on? Stuff which gives your constitution extra support. (Maybe just talkingto your GP would be enough to reset your dials a little, give you a moment to exhale.)

Not sure about the above, but contraception is free!

You”re taking to OP like she didn’t have a choice about having five children…… she chose to!

So she can shop, buy, prepare, cook the shepherds pie! Whilst the teenager can go out during the weekend, not be a 24 hour babysitter!

As for the DFs clubbing together to hat a nanny! What planet are you on??

How are things this morning?

your bf has given you a great reason not to live together, he can’t step up and be a father to the baby when you needed him - so absolutely not a family oriented person to live with

fancy ringing to say I need help I’m so n my way to hospital with my child and he changes the subject- totally inappropriate. Shows just how selfish he is and not someone to be sharing a home as he will take take take

I think he brought up living together so he could be there for things like this. You dont want to live with him, but want him to help you look after your kids (the older ones).

If this was a man who jad a baby with me but refused to live with me, I'd break up with them and we would have official days where we each had our baby. I wouldn't be coming over to look after the baby because he has issues with his older kids.

If you want him to be your partner, let him be your partner. If you want to be platonic. co-parents, stay as you are.

I think, from other posts, that some of the fathers are involved but/and I agree that the suggestion that they join together to get her a nanny is not going to happen - it isn't the father(s) of the older kids fault/responsibility that the OP decided to keep having more children.

I hope your children are okay but please stop having babies!

Clearly (or not, I suppose) that suggestion was not serious at all, mere wishful thinking.

It matters when there are 5 children from various dads not one of whom will help with any of her kids when she’s in need like this. The current ‘partner’ thinks the 17yo son is qualified to care for 3 other kids including a baby because he got pissed last night. Ffs. It’s not the thread that’s awful, it’s the situation and people are rightly appalled by the OP accepting this shit from her shit boyfriend, which is no doubt the pattern that has created the situation where there’s no one to care for 4 children alone overnight except a hungover teen (who’s one of said children) and his mate. It’s a shitshow even without the current crisis, and if she stays with this prince after last night or picks up another one, it will never end.

Quite agree but I discounted him in account of his inadequacy

Can't the 11 year old's father stay in hospital with him and you look after the baby/other children, this would make more sense. Assuming their father is involved, it isn't clear how many father's your 5 children have?

I hope your son is ok.

Hopefully once out of hospital this helps you realise you need to come up with a plan for what happens in an emergency. Leaving the 17 year old in charge of all the other children is quite a task, especially as you say the 5 year old isn't good at settling and then there is the baby.

You need to sort out the babies father having him more and being more involved.

It sounds like they are all muddling through. Do they know what safe sleep is? How to feed the baby? Changing a nappy?
While some 17 year olds might be switched on/helpful not all are. Plus in this case it seems a 17 year old is being seen as more trustworthy than the babies dad.

I think maybe you needed to let the hospital know you had left the baby at home with other children and returned to get the baby.

Setting aside how badly your boyfriend is treating you in this relationship, he’s a rubbish father if when the primary carer is unavailable (which of course you are) he’d rather have a 17 year old look after his baby than him.

What does that post even mean?

No there doesn’t.

Essentially you're a single mum and need to start acting as such because waiting around for this loser to step up is a waste of time and energy. Do you have any family, or friends in a similar position who might be able to help you?

Some posters have been incredibly unkind on this post.

Do you really have to kick someone when they are down? OP wasnt asking for advice on her ex partners, how many children she has, benefits or contraception. She is in hospital with a sick child, worrying about her other children and asking what to do about this specific situation. Stop trying to make people feel shit when they are already having a hard time.

He clearly doesn't see the baby as his responsibility but you havent mentioned the baby so he has assumed that it's all sorted. He sould have asked but i bet he would have said "i cant ive got work". Tbh it sounds exactly how my ex would be now or even when we were together. Unfortunately you have one of those that needs to be told what their responsibility is and prepare to be disappointed... you need to spell it out what you need over next few days. I hope he steps up and child is ok

I thinkI @Millytantewas referring to the OP's comment about the 17-year-old not being equipped to look after the baby.

OP said: "my eldest was 17 yesterday and his friend is 17 i think she’s 18 soon. hes not used to looking after the baby because i dont ask that of him especially not overnight either the most i ask is he watches baby if im bathing my other children and baby is still awake on the living room for example".

I can't believe anyone suggested the shepherds pie, having never assembled one in my lifetime.

I'd thing the teens are doing fabulous if they manage to do a jar of baby food and fish fingers or burgers (stuff that comes with instructions)

Why did you leave the 7 month old in the first place? They could have come with you and slept in the pushchair.

No, based on what was quoted (that she responded to), the 17-year-old should make the sheppard's pie because the BF (who the PP pointed should be the one, if anyone, to do it), is inadequate.

But apparently, it was all a joke anyway.

I agree, how depressing.