hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

I thought only one of the 17 year old teens is OP's, the other is his friend.

I think OP's DC are 17, 11, 4, and 7 months.
But I may have mis-counted as some of OP's updates have been a bit confusing.

I'm also unsure how many fathers there are - I think it might be 3? But I know none of them live with OP, and I think only 1 has any slight involvement with their DC.

Two drunk/hungover 17 year olds looking after a 4 year old and a 7 month old baby - what could possibly go wrong? 😳

@Theboymolefoxandhorse OP has left her autistic child before, how else has she had 2 more children if she can't leave him? Unless she also left him with her 16 yo when having the most recent child.

If he can't be left, then @dinosaursroars probably shouldn't have had another baby with yet another man. Which is probably more upsetting for an autistic child.

There's a 14 yo too @Woodfiresareamazing2

I didn’t say say she couldn’t leave her child, I said it may be very unsettling for him. Obviously we don’t know the situation surrounding what happened at the other 2 births - but I assume that there was planned childcare as most people have to do when they’re going to have a baby and have other children at home.

That is an entirely different situation to leaving an 11 year old who has had a seizure, in an emergency department overnight- with the ED nurse expected to look after them.

The 17-year-old and his female friend are looking after the 7-month-old baby and his siblings, ages 5 and 14. Can the friend call her mother and ask her to help out? Admittedly, it is not her mother's job, but she might help (or at least ensure they are managing okay) if she thinks her daughter feels stressed looking after the baby.

OP said she has no family (not sure if that includes ex's though) and has 4 children (ages 5, 14, 17 years and the 7 month old baby).

5 children with at least 3 different fathers. Maybe the 17, 14 and 11 year old share a father or the 11 and 5 maybe do. Or none of them do.

5 children. 11 year old too.

If my 17 yo daughter called me for this, I'd be phoning social services. Hungover 17 year old left overnight with a 14 yo, 4 yo that wouldn't go to bed and a 7 month old baby that isn't sleeping.

Oops! Good catch! Missed the 11 year old. Yes, 5 children.

It would have been nice if he offered, but when he didn't you should have told him he needed to look after his baby instead of leaving the baby with a 17 year old, also looks after 2 other children.

You forgot the 11-year-old.

Dad either needs to collect baby or you go home and collect baby… or if you have a child minder they could also step in

Thanks for correcting that. It's funny, I came up with 4 children but has this nagging feeling I was missing something. Duh! The 11 year old -so 5 children.

The posts (and poster) are confusing and chaotic so this easy to get confused (the OP has posted a few times before and always drama and chaos).

This thread is awful. Why does it matter how many Dads there are.

Why is everyone up in arms about 2 x 17 year olds babysitting? They’re 17, they could have their own baby. One child is 14, not exactly needing supervision and can help with the other kids.

Also, who are these people that would leave any 11 year old alone in a hospital alone without being actually being admitted yet? Would you honestly just leave your child sitting in A&E? Have you been there on a Saturday night?

So you have FOUR children with fathers - plural - who have no interest in parenting?

Do I sound judgemental… Yes, with good reason.

ETA… there may actually be 5 children. Easy to get confused amongst the chaos…

If he’s not going to step up and look after his child in this situation then he’s never going to do it.

What a complete arsehole.

Mother of God. What brainfreeze encouraged you to have a baby with this black hole of a boyfriend, when you already have a houseful of other children needing your attention?
I hope your lad in hospital is doing ok, and the cause of the problem has been identified.
I cant imagine how you cope, day after day. Do look after your own health, you poor woman. You're exhausted (and that'd not be surprising even were the baby your only concern) and you need firmer support than whatever an unknown teenage girl might offer in an emergency.

Doing all you do alone is a high wire act, and the stress of it will make you ill,
Can you get vitamin injections and suchlike on the NHS? Subsidised health boosters like cod liver oil, or even that gloopy malt extract we oldies were reared on? Stuff which gives your constitution extra support. (Maybe just talking to your GP would be enough to reset your dials a little, give you a moment to exhale.)

But the fathers of your young family would do well to club together and pay for an au pair cum nanny, given their own lack of interest in their children’s lives. Seriously though, are you aware of any assistance out there which you might possibly access? It can’t be right that you have to battle on every day in such precarious circs.
I know I’m just rambling pointlessly here, but still.
Take care of yourself, and I hope things ease up for you soon and permit you to enjoy your new baby, and not have to be worrying about your 11-year old lad so much. (He might well be eligible for significant support. Investigate asap!)
Get some sleep and decent nourishment (a feed of shepherd’s pie can work wonders! Easy dish for a teenager to assemble)

The 17 year old is already looking after a 5 year old and baby, as well as possibly worrying about his brother who is in hospital. I don’t think it should be on him to make a shepherds pie as well!

Presumably a key reason why the OP isn't living with any of the fathers, including the latest boyfriend, is because that would reduce the UC she is receiving to top up her wages from her job in a school & quite possibly affect her current housing status.

@dinosaursroars I hope your 11 yo has calmed down and hasn't had anymore seizures & your 17 yo has had a quiet night once your others settled down. Your BF needs to step up at the end of his shift & takes over the childcare until you are able to get home & have had some sleep yourself.

Firstly, I really hope you and your 11 year old can leave hospital soon.

Has your boyfriend refused to step in and take care of the baby? Or has it simply not occurred to him? Both are equally bad imo and I really hope you re-examine this relationship and for the sake of you and all
of your kids don’t move in with him/let him move in with you. You and him need to be a team and he’s failed- really badly- straight out of the gate.

This!

You don’t wait for an offer, you just say get over here as I need to leave for the hospital.

This! Why do you keep having children with feckless men?

And why doesn’t the baby’s father live with you? Oh wait, you get more benefits that way…..

This all sounds chaotic and toxic on many levels. Do you have Social Services involvement?