hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

OP, I hope your 11 year old is ok and the hospital can get to the bottom of what is wrong.

I only have 2 children but both are disabled and both spent years in and out of hospital so I know what a stressful juggling act it can be; we don’t have so many kids but getting care for a disabled child is really tough so I understand pretty well.

But, this situation is atrocious. I would have been giving the boyfriend an ultimatum - if he wants to be a dad and a partner then he doesn’t go to work and he steps up and looks after his baby! Mine has had to have lots of time off work due to one or the other being hospitalised and it sucks but it’s life. He’s far from perfect but would never go to work and leave his baby in the care of a teenager who’s also trying to care for numerous other children - no bloody way.

If your 11yo has to stay in any longer I would talk to the hospital to see if baby could come and stay with you especially as you’re in a side room. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they involved SS if they learned about the teen struggling to look after all these kids. And you still probably need someone else to care for your 5yo even if you do take baby. Is there a nanny agency or similar who could provide emergency care if you have no friends or family who could help? Or even a kind neighbour - one of ours has stepped in before with no notice when we’ve been really stuck?

Are none of their dads involved?

Yes and I'll repeat more clearly. I agree with the poster I quoted.

I can't believe anyone suggested the 3 teenagers, looking after a baby and a 5 year old, even start trying to assemble a shepherds pie.

I'm much older than them and never assembled one in my lifetime. I wouldn't have a clue where to start.

The teens are doing fab if they manage food for themselves and the little ones with instructions on the packet.

I cant quite get my head round this. And im a single parent.
You have left a just 17yr old looking after a 14,5 and 7m old?
The father (i use the word loosely) is refusing to look after his baby?
Where are all the other fathers?
Im trying very hard not to judge here. 5 children? How many non present fathers? Maybe stop having children now.
What a mess. Your poor 17yr old. Thats a lot if responsibility. Is there no other family or friends to help?

What a shit show

I hope SS get involved

And @dinosaursroars ditch the "men" in your life and raise your bloody standards.

Sorry, I messed up and quoted the wrong person. I meant to quote @2O26 who said that they thought that the inadequate person was the 17-year-old. I do agree with you.

I thinkI ^was referring to the OP's comment about the 17-year-old not being equipped to look after the baby.^
OP said: "my eldest was 17 yesterday and his friend is 17 i think she’s 18 soon. hes not used to looking after the baby because i dont ask that of him especially not overnight either the most i ask is he watches baby if im bathing my other children and baby is still awake on the living room for example".

Tell your baby’s father to look after his own baby ffs.

You hope social services get involved because an older teenager babysat their two younger siblings one time in a moment of crisis because the mother rushed her SEN 11 year old to the hospital after a seizer? For what purpose?

People are really letting their judgment of a woman who has dared to sleep with more than one man run severely away with them.

Since when? I was a single parent. My eldest had long hospital stays. I had to leave him to take his siblings to school, put them to bed etc. is this a new thing?

op your partner is no partner. You need to kick him to the kerb.

5 if you include the boyfriend
When are women going to stop making their lives more awkward and complicated by having more children than they can handle?

3 younger siblings incl a 5yo and a 7mo. You can minimise all you like but the current boyfriend’s comment about the (only just) 17yo being fine to take his place parenting because the kid was out getting drunk last night says it all, and if that doesn’t make you think SS needs to step in, then the problem isn’t everyone else. OP herself says she has no one, and she won’t either make the current shit guy step up nor dump his sorry ass.

So yes, something does need to be done before something (else) goes wrong. If anything happened to that baby, I bet you’d be the first one saying ‘why did no one do anything?’. And it’s not about sleeping with more than one guy. Clearly the current guy was not a capable father as even the OP didn’t want to live with him and she had her hands more than full already with 4 kids and severe SEN in the mix and ‘no one’ else around to support including the dads. To say no more kids (or feckless men) should be added to this situation is basic common sense.

The child wasn’t in a ward last night and may or may not be admitted.
Leaving a child overnight on the ward is very different to leaving an autistic 11 year old in ED who might actually be sent home at any time.

Also I wouldn’t have had the 17 year old boys 17 year old female friend there overnight without an adult in the house

He’s in a side room so I took that to be having been admitted? I am quite prepared to be wrong though

I know! I would definitely have taken my seven month old and probably the five year old with me.

Why leave your own kids at home with a hungover seventeen year old the day after his birthday and his unknown friend? They aren’t their responsibility.

SS don’t get involved because a mother has no one else, no idea why you’ve repeated that multiple times.
It’s perfectly reasonable for an almost adult teenager to watch one baby and a 5 year old over night in emergency circumstances because the mother has brought an 11 year old to hospital.
There is zero suggestion that these children aren’t being cared for properly, their feckless fathers have ditched their children and you think that’s a reason to call SS on the mother?
There is literally nothing about this that causes enough concern that social services would “need to step in”.

She can sleep with however many men she likes. Go for it. Having babies with various useless men is the issue. This can actually be avoided.

Having babies with various men is not a reason for social services involvement.

You ring your partner and say come home and look after the baby as you are in hospital. An unreliable 17 year old can’t be responsible for a 7 month old and another 5 year old when you’re not there ffs overnight!!

Its actually 6 if you include the boyfriend.
17,14,11,5, 7m.
No present fathers.
The OP needs a lesson in contraception

FWIW I would have brought all my children with me to the hospital (and did so, often).

Same. Even with the stuff about the drinking, I used to drink sometimes at that age, and would still have been ok looking after a baby and a 5 year old with two other teens present when no longer under the influence.

Don't move in with your useless boyfriend OP. The fact that he doesn't want to and apparently can't look after his own baby in an emergency says it all. Also get an IUD/something similarly effective sorted asap if you haven't already.

A, 17 year old who has lived with 4 baby siblings has not got 'little experience of babies'.
It is easy to say the bf should just not turn up to work, but that is often easier said than done. It depends on his job too-people nay be relying on him!

But you accused posters of judging her for sleeping with numerous men.
No one gives a shit.
Its the having babies which is the issue. Which is avoidable.

Eldest is probably at least 14.

Agreed.
Its easy on MN for people to drop a shift of work. MN is a privileged salaried world.
Lots live in a normal hourly paid, don't turn up, don't get paid, lose bonuses and shift allowance too.